someone has a crush on you!

daniel tien

hardboiled sent two of its brave staff writers into the world of Asian American online dating to dig up some dirt on what really goes down in the online dating scene. Considering our lack of funds, our writers had to resort to AsianAve, the free online dating and networking site. They went undercover and created fake accounts and profiles to investigate the process of online dating and networking. All profile information was accurate, except that they used approved profile pictures of their friends. Read on to find out what their experience was like...

The Authenticity of Women

I have to say, the women who use this site are all surprisingly normal and down to earth. They seem to lead pretty normal lives and most are college students or recent graduates. Their personalities aren't completely out of the ordinary, and they all seem well mannered. In terms of their wants, they generally sought the same things as most other people do in a relationship: someone who's within two to four years of their own age, someone who is open minded person that they can connect with, someone they can trust, someone they can talk to and laugh with, and someone they can have fun with and share their life with.

This whole investigation has inverted my opinion of online dating. In my book, this experience has completely altered my preconceived notions of online daters as so-called "losers." I'm going to have to go out on a limb and say that the kind of people who use online dating, at least the women, are not unattractive, freaky, excessively insecure or suffer from social anxiety. They are the kind of people you could expect to meet anywhere else. In fact, don't be surprised if someone you know uses online dating websites.

Barely Legal

The average age of the women on this site is between 20 to 25 years old, with a few deviations on both ends. With my current position as a student in mind, I would have to come to the conclusion that online dating on this particular website is a convenient and apt place for college-aged people to mingle with someone around their own age. This site seems to attract a lot of college-aged women because it is a convenient place for busy bodies to find a few flirts. Many of the college women I spoke to have fairly busy lives with school and work, so it's understandable why they would choose this type of alternative dating.

Location, Location, Location

In one's "search" for true love, AsianAve helps daters by letting them define their own search and criteria for potential mates on the site. One kind of defined search that I found particularly interesting was the option to sift through the women by the distance they lived from you. This option is so practical for finding potential mates around your community because it maximizes the possibility of an actual face-to-face encounter if that is what is desired. This contributes to the legitimacy of the site's purpose to help people find potential mates because it goes beyond simply "online" dating. It would even be possible to find a blind date simply by seeing who's available around where you live. On another note, a large proportion of the members on the site are reside in California.

Reaching Out for Asian American Friends

AsianAve is not purely a place for singles to try their luck with love. The site itself is a social network for professionals and friends. I myself have started a few friendships with people I would have loved to continue being friends with had I not created a fake profile for the sake of this article.

A Little Too Eager...

Although I have previously stated that the majority of the women are normal, I guess there are just some abnormalities that cannot be avoided in any kinds of dating. There were instances of unusual forwardness in a few of the women who attempted to forge a much more personal connection upon initial meeting. For one thing, one woman attempted to force her number onto me so we could talk on the phone when all that had been exchanged was a friendly "Hello." In another case, one of the women even wanted to meet up with me in person when I had simply added her to my friends list. I find it to be quite shocking that anyone would want to move at such an alarming rate, especially when we were basically strangers. Or, perhaps I've just got commitment issues and don't want them clinging on to me too fast.

Author: Tell me about yourself
XXXXX: ekeke
XXXXX: umm i could tell me when we talk on da phone if u wanna
Author: No, that's okay. Here is fine
XXXXX: y i wanna hear ur vioce
Author: Lol, let's save that for when we're better acquainted with each other
XXXXX: foereals? awww
Author: Haha, sorry to disappoint you
XXXXX: huh n i is a really girl to not no guy ahahahha
Author: Well, you'll just have to trust me on this for now
XXXXX: aww we can know each other over da phone baby y u making it soo hard for a grl like ne
XXXXX: i never get onlie thow seee
Author: Well, you're online now
XXXXX: butt its like been 4eva thow
XXXXX: gahlie dang sir..you heck looking fine shit let me get to know you even BETTER!

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words, Or Hits/Crushes

I get the feeling that a person's personal dating profile on the website doesn't have as large of an impact as one would expect. In terms of how people select who they want to talk to and start a relationship with, the search function only goes so far as to help you sift through what you physically desire in a partner, such as race, height, body type, and so forth. There's no deep, emotional matching of any sort on any dimension. I assume that most people (me included), judge simply on a person's profile picture to make any decision about whether or not to contact them. Most people probably do not actually look that deeply or thoroughly enough, if they do so at all, into a person's dating profile to actually read what kind of information the person has already laid out and would like others to know. For example, in my profile, I clearly posted that I was a Cal student who was still undecided in terms of major, yet every woman I encountered seemed to have skipped over the fact that I created an informational piece about myself at all, and went on to ask me where I went to school and what I studied and so forth.

If I had known any better, I would have just posted a more provocative photo to get more attention.

The Unexpected

Author: Hey there you. How's it going?
XXXXX: good. im really horny right now
Author: Yes, I'm sure that's a great feeling
Author: What brings you to AsianAve?
XXXXX: nothing just looking for some friends
Author: What do you do?
XXXXX: im a cam model babe wanna vote for me ?
Author: Uh, sure
XXXXX: http://www.*****************.com
XXXXX: here babe, you must register . then after you register i will cancel the payment babe
Author: O_o What kind of site are you working for. Why does it look so "adult"?
XXXXX: no babe.. when you go inside.. you will see the cam girls and cam models there
XXXXX: but im a cam model not a cam girl ok babe
XXXXX: thats why im not doing a nudility
XXXXX: then after you vote me .. i will send you my cam babe we can talk allday
Author: How's that work? How do you get paid?
XXXXX: just register babe.
XXXXX: aftern you register i will cancel the payment ok.. so you dont have to cost
XXXXX: any one wants to see me naked ??? can you add me . .XXXX_XXXXX@yahoo.c http://www.*****************.com
Author: Uh, no, that's okay, I don't really wanna get involved in all of this
XXXXX: why babe its a secure site so dont you worry
Author: No, my good judgment tells me otherwise

Can I Get Your Screen Name?

One pattern I noticed during my mingling as a single man on AsianAve is that a majority of the women do not enjoy utilizing the communication devices that the site had already provided for them. The site itself has messaging, commenting, and instant messaging (IM) capabilities. Yet even with all these programs, the usual trend I see is that after introducing oneself through inbox messages or the site's IM, the women would want to communicate outside of AsianAve. They would want to find out whether or not I used the more popular IMing programs, such as AIM or MSN, and would attempt to forge better communication there, or would even want to communicate through the phone. However, I looked into the site's own communication devices, and they seem to be sufficient. So that brings to question why one would not want to use them. Personally, I believe they are just attempting to incorporate the people they meet on AsianAve into communication devices that they are more likely to use. Hence, people are more likely to be available to talk if they get to use something they're more familiar with or use more often, instead of having to sign into AsianAve solely to talk to a few people.

"My First Crush was Bruce Lee"

One would expect to find on a dating website catering towards Asian Americans comprise only Asian American members. However, that is not the case. Although Asian American men and women make up a healthy portion of the dating population on AsianAve, there is a strong presence of non-Asian American men and women on the site who are seeking Asian partners.

The largest interracial group I encountered were African American women seeking Asian American men and vice versa. I found this to be quite surprising because in my everyday life, I would expect a "Blasian" couple (term used by the site to refer to Black/Asian couples) to be the type of interracially mixed couple I'd have the least chances of encountering in my everyday life compared to other interracial couples. Yet on this site, there's such a strong mutual desire for Blasian dating that the group, "Asian Men 4 Black Women," has the highest amount of members. It's not to say that there weren't other interracial groups, but this one was distinct in its popularity (700+ members). I was really interested in finding out why these two groups were so attracted to each other. I uncovered a more general reason for this attraction. Within the online social group, they would have forums and postings to enact discussions. From this, some African American women indicated that they preferred Asian American men because of physical features they thought were attractive, such as their eyes, face, and hair. They also preferred Asian American men because of their good manners and, that they, as one member wrote, "treat their woman like a princess." On the opposite end, Asian American men seem to be thinking along the same lines. They also are attracted to physical features that African American women seem to distinctly have, such as their eyes, lips, and their "flavorful" attitude and personality. At the end of the day, it all boils down to what physical characteristics one is interested in, and the stereotypical personalities that a given race is anchored with.

African American women on this site seem to believe that Asian American men are mild mannered, well behaved, and extremely sensitive to and in tune with their partners. They claim that Asian American men are simply more caring towards their partners and are more willing to make personal sacrifices to make them happy. These beliefs seem reminiscent of the dominant stereotypes regarding Asian American males.

Author: So what brings you to AsianAve?
XXXXX: i am very attracted to asian men
Author: Really? What's so attractive about us Asian men?
Author: I always thought we were kinda blah, haha
XXXXX: lots of things. my first crush bruce lee when i was like 4
XXXXX: i think you have the sexiest eyes
Author: Haha, my eyes? Hmm, no one's ever told me that Asian eyes were sexy. If anything, I always just hear the stereotype that Asians have small eyes
XXXXX: i think they are the sexiest
XXXXX: they are different that's what makes them unique
Author: Lol, I guess you could put it that way.
XXXXX: so u like black girls
Author: I'm not exclusive of any races
XXXXX: same here
XXXXX: but something about asian men

The Fact That There Is An Asian American Dating Site At All

One has to wonder about the legitimacy and goal of an Asian American dating site if non-Asian people are also utilizing it. Henceforth, the question is what makes this dating website an Asian American geared website if everyone isn't Asian? How is this any different compared to other online dating websites? In my opinion, the fact that AsianAve admits non-Asian members is not paradoxical to its attempt to create a social environment for Asians to date. The website functions as a network for single Asians Americans to date, both inclusively and exclusively from their own race, and also serves as a meeting place for non-Asians interested in finding Asian American partners. What this really comes down to is that the site helps to promote and facilitate Asian American dating, whether it be an Asian American couple or an interracial couple with one member being Asian. The point is, Asian Americans are dating because of the site, and that's something no one can object to.