hardboiled

someone has a crush on you!

hardboiled sent two of its brave staff writers into the world of Asian American online dating to dig up some dirt on what really goes down in the online dating scene. Considering our lack of funds, our writers had to resort to AsianAve, the free online dating and networking site. They went undercover and created fake accounts and profiles to investigate the process of online dating and networking. All profile information was accurate, except that they used approved profile pictures of their friends. Read on to find out what their experience was like...

A Lot of Random Hollering and Messages

Based on my experience, a lot of men attempt to "hook-up" with the ladies by using different approaches and methods. For me, I find it quite flattering when I open my inbox and see a dozen messages. Usually the guys say hello, introduce themselves, or compliment me on my profile picture. These messages can easily be sent to any user on AsianAve, as long as there is some kind of interest or appeal. Some of the creative ways used to get attention from other users are through clicking the "send gift" and "secretly admire" buttons. A more direct way to approach someone is by inviting the person to chat, but it can also be difficult because it only works if both people are online at the same time. In comparison, it seemed that women receive a lot more hollering and nice messages from men than the other way around.

"Don't Worry... You're Too Far to Stalk"

For those who are not so interested in the dating option, AsianAve can also be a place to have a nice conversation with someone. Many people on the website are actually very friendly and sociable. It can be interesting to have a conversation about school, family, or life with someone who either lives a totally different life or comes from a similar background. During my interaction and mingling on the website, I noticed that there were a great population of members who were college students. You would think that since we have MySpace and Facebook, we would already be occupied and busy enough. But in fact, a lot of people within the 19 to 25 age range visit the website and make new friends every day. I found at least ten Berkeley students utilizing this website as a social networking tool. In one of my interesting encounters, I had a nice conversation with another student who said he was from Columbia University.

XXXXXX: what's your major?
Author: intended social welfare and asian american studies
XXXXXX: see...chatting about these topics online is less threatening than asking these questions at one of those meat market clubs.
XXXXXX: ahh. any liberal/left wing/progressive sympathies?
XXXXXX: see, i can ask about politics online, whereas i can't say these things in real life.
Author: i think im liberal.
XXXXXX: ahh, i'm similar.
Author: why is it hard to ask about it in real life?
XXXXXX: politics? it's kinda touchy.
XXXXXX: if i disagree with the other person, i'm tempted to label him/her a tool for the establishment, and unable to think for him/herself.
Author: thats true
XXXXXX: they'd hate me, and accuse me of stereotyping (and i know i would be)
XXXXXX: but i'd still say it. well... i'd be TEMPTED to say it.
Author: what is your major?
XXXXXX: oh, it was history. now i'm in architecture...
Author: cool, architecture is interesting
Author: what year are you?
XXXXXX: yeah well. i gotta hook up with a really rich woman, or win the lottery myself. then i'll be able to promote myself as this great talent.
XXXXXX: 2nd.
Author: hahhaa. i like your sarcasm
XXXXXX: yes, college has a way of crushing the youthful idealism!
XXXXXX: why did you choose your major?
Author: im interested in doing nonprofit community work in the future, so social welfare seems to be the best major in terms of that.
XXXXXX: oh wow. you know, looking in hindsight, that's one of the most useful, pragmatic ways of helping people.

"White Girls Can't Get the Job Done"

The Internet is probably the most common place to find people saying the most inappropriate and downright racist things. And of course, AsianAve is no exception. Besides the friendly conversations, I also ran into people that I was tempted to call idiots for offending me. I am only referring to specific people who have presented stereotypes and false representations of Asian American females. AsianAve attracts people who believe that Asian American women are exotic, wild, and mysteriously appealing. The fact that someone is interested in me because they think Asian females make "beautiful babies" also really gives me the creeps. Another guy who randomly invited me to chat explained to me that he came to AsianAve to search for his "Asian Fantasy." The following is a conversation that I had with a 26 year old male who really went off in the wrong way to impress me.

Author: im Chinese. you?
XXXXXX: cacuasian that likes chinese women- lol
XXXXXX: is that a prob?
Author: haha. why do u like chinese women?
XXXXXX: they turn me on- white gurls cant get job done- lol
Author: have u ever dated any chinese women?
XXXXXX: can u handle this southern boy? lol
XXXXXX: once but never fucked one- lol
XXXXXX: u offering? lol jk
Author: i don't think you can handle me
XXXXXX: bring it
XXXXXX: u ever been hit from behind?
Author: is sex all you can think of?
XXXXXX: no i was just asking. Im not a perv- i am just blunt sorry
XXXXXX: my mouth tends to get me in trouble
Author: why are you so attracted to asian women?
XXXXXX: i honestly do not know
XXXXXX: they bring the freak out of me- lol
Author: ok.....
XXXXXX: is that bad?
XXXXXX: i feel like i connect more with them than white gurls
XXXXXX: interested in finding out about their culture- etc
XXXXXX: they make beautiful babies

Surprising Discoveries

There are several things that I find surprising about AsianAve. First of all, a lot of people said they found out about the site through a simple search on Google with the word "Asian." Onto the more positive surprising discoveries, I realized that AsianAve was a website that helped promote many independent Asian American music artists by including them in the site’s music section. For example, Magnetic North, Far East Movement, and Notorious MSG all gained popularity from AsianAve. In addition, the website has a group called "AsianAve Music" that is dedicated to supporting and helping people find out more about undiscovered talents and rising stars. Another particular group that struck me was the "Shout it out" group in the Health and Wellness category. In this group, people talk about problems with stress, conflicts, questions about life, and personal experiences. Basically, users can post anything that they want to share with the AsianAve community. The purpose of "Shout it out" is to let the users say what they want so they do not bottle up their thoughts and feelings. I like this group because it gives Asian Americans a voice and a space to share whatever they feel comfortable with.

Wow... I Can't Believe I Did It

Before actually becoming a member of AsianAve, I had several negative views and expectations of this Asian American social website. I expected a lot of emphasis on dating and that people were going to be very fake and impersonal. However, after talking to many other members, they seemed rather honest and friendly in an authentic way. In addition, many people do not solely look for dates and love, but also friendships and people who they can have a nice conversation with. Overall, I would say that AsianAve is a good place to meet people and talk to someone when you feel like the rest of the world is too busy to listen to you. The only thing that bothered me was the stereotypical attitudes against and expectations of Asian American women in terms of dating and relationships. However, after learning how to navigate the network, it is easy to avoid talking to people who hold those wrong perceptions. In a way, the fact that AsianAve includes non-Asian members is a good way to satisfy different needs and interests of people. The promotion of interracial relationships can further challenge the existing stereotypes and myths of certain racial groups through open dialogues and understanding.