Got Some Rhymes
by Steven Blatt

I have noticed, in my limited acquaintance with the art form known as rap, that, among its practitioners, the trait of modesty is, to coin a phrase, conspicuous by its absence. Idly wondering what a self-deprecating rapper might be like, I penned the following lines.
 
 My rap is inspired by and based on--ok, largely copied from--"Got More Rhymes," by Young MC.
Now from planet to planet and from star to star
it doesn't really matter baby just who you are
and from Earth to solar system and to UCB
it's real hard to get a ticket to hear SJB
because I rap as an amateur it's just a lark
you'll neither see me at a party nor hear me in the Park
I'm too shy to rock such places far away from my home
I guess that must be the reason why I'm so unknown
I rhyme from Moffit L and into Doe
up and down and to and fro
but finding social climbing blinding I'm rhyming over-timing trying just
        to let you know
my name is just SJB
ladies never notice me
but when they're in my dreams the ladies never ever front on me
wishing that I knew the deal
boy oh boy am I for real?
I love to mock your like and maybe even mock your rhymes I steal
now I'm gonna peter out
so listen very closely while I whisper that it's all about
rhymes, some rhymes
enuf rhymes, SJB got some rhymes

Now with a voice like this I rock like hell
but I'm not Prince, Lionel Richie, nor Pattie la Belle
I'm not the Cars, the Pretenders, nor the B-52's
my name is SJB and I'm the one that you lose
cause when the music comes in my teeth start clickin'
and my spit goes dry and my tongue starts stickin'
I'm disaster on the mike and yes I'm so sure
all it takes is one vision and you'll be floored
cause in the game of rap I am the minor leagues
when the others need laughs they'll come to me
like President Ford on those green golf links
my name is SJB and my delivery stinks
and now you know just from those 12 lines
that in the world of rap it takes all kinds
cause I'm the chaff in the wheat and the mote in your eye
I'm the fly in the ointment and the clouds in the sky
I'm the dross in the gold and the rot at the core
I'm the worm in the apple and the thumb that is sore
I'm the pebble in your shoe and the mole on your face
I'm the slag in the cauldron and the laggard in the race
I'm the ashes in your mouth and the canker in the crop
I'm the dregs at the bottom and the scum on the top
I'm the ugly little duckling and the coal in your stocking
I'm the bore at a party always talk-talk-talking
yo my name is SJB and I'm rock-rock-rocking
just ripping on those rappers whom I'm mock-mock-mocking with
rhymes

rhyme
What is this thing that I squawk about?
see it in the freezer every time you want to gawk about
never tripped a rap not twenty-times told
and if rhyme were a clime I'd always be cold
I had to go to college to become an intellectual
I have to go to grad school to get really ineffectual
I have to stop by Rexall to get truly safely sexual
yo I rock the mike in the proper place in all due time
that's why I had to write a jam and call it Got Some Rhymes
now as a rad result of this
my rap's a tad tumultuous
with maybe even quite by chance some rather tintinnabulous
rhymes
but I continue to bray
school starts in August
I get my final degree...my PhD...
who can say?
but when I get my doctorate
the beat'll start hummin'
and the rhymes'll start comin'
and that'll bring the girls and dough so I can stop slummin'
cause I'm the kind of guy that the big shots always toy with
and now you know that I'm talking about this boy with
rhymes, some rhymes
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This page maintained by Steven Blatt. Suggestions, comments, questions, and corrections are welcome.