"Jesus loves me. This I know, for the Bible tells me so. Little ones to him belong. They are weak but He is strong. Yes, Jesus loves me..."

Yes, Jesus loves me. I was struggling with the fact that I was so unfaithful. I didn't have quiet time all week. - so I became weak. I talked to Cathy about it, but she had struggles of her own. That got me mad - not at her but at myself - for not praying for her. I told myself that it has to stop here, today. I wasn't going to sleep until I had this resolved. My prayer was O.K...until I fell asleep. I woke up the next morning at 10:30 feeling like a failure. Unfaithful constantly.

I had a really great prayer time just now lasting from 1:00 am to a little past 3 am. I lifted up everything to him, all my burdens, requests, confessions, and concerns. God was listening to my confessions - that I am not a strong Christian...I was just dwelling on God's love for me - how he could love me so much in the midst of my unfaithfulness. God is faithful. What does that mean? It means that God will never leave. He won't ever say "#$%...that's the last time you broke that promise." God will never leave - not only that - but he will never stop loving. God is love.

My time was so good that I thought this was going to be my last day on earth. I thought God was going to take me tomorrow as I drove to Stanford. Maybe a van accident. It's cuz everything was resolved with God and I just wanted to continually enjoy God's presence. I thought God would just grant me the request for his every personal presence - like the next day. Then I worried, not for myself, but for others. I prayed for them all and wondered if I could leave them my last words to them. Frank had borrowed my recorder, so voice was out of the question. I woried for my parents, my sister, Dave, and other close friends. I prayed for my non-Christian friends, hoping they'll know the Lord. I was planning out the last things I would do before my death tomorrow.

Then half an hour later (still in prayer), I felt that god wasn't going to take me away. - well not yet. He was giving me an extension - just a little while longer. I was happy. I felt like a week or two had been added to my life. And I was to use these "last days" completely for the Lord - in diligence in studying - cultivating friendships, and leading my friends to Christ...