Many things can be gleaned and learned from this passage but I want to focus on just one point: Peter's reckless abandon for Christ.

I like Peter because he says what he thinks. You always knew where you stood with the fisherman. But sometimes he would often act before thinking. Such is the case here. However, can we condemn him this time? Jesus said,"Come", so he came. Without thinking twice about the impossible, he acted. It was reckless abandon. Then he thought to himself, "I can't do this. The wind is getting stronger...and am I sinking? Oh no, I'm sinking!" He took his eyes off the Supernatural, and set them on the natural state of things. His childlike faith sank into an adultlike skepticism. Isn't that a good mirror image of who we are at times? Jesus says to us,"Come. Ask and you shall receive. Seek and you shall find. Knock and the door shall be opened to you." And thus we pray, then stopping to think, we rule out certain things God can and cannot do based on the apparent state of things. "This guy is almost beyond prayer. I should spend my time praying for this other guy." "She doesn't need me to pray about that for her. She's such a strong Christian." We forget to seek God's will. God wants us to draw near with a faith that rests upon the character of God and asks no further proof than the moral perfections of God, who cannot lie. Basically, we think too much, when at times it is better to act in faith, trusting in the Giver of all good things. 6/8/97 9:30 pm

My congratulations go out for Bob Carlisle for his success in Christian music. I listen to mainstream music at work, and I thought I heard a familiar voice singing "Butterfly Kisses" on the radio. His album did very well - #2 on Billboards Top 200 albums! He did it without using worldly lyrics (e.g. Amy Grant, Michael W. Smith). His hit song happens to be a song written for his daughter. His other Billboard hit is a love song for his wife. His album is purely Christian, no second guesses. I'm glad that many non-Christians who buy this album will also be exposed the no-compromise songs that clearly show God's love for his children.

Morning breath. Mine really isn't so bad, yet that may be subject to my own (in)ability to smell in the mornings. I may not be aware of it, but it's there. Some days are quite monstrous, while on other days the damage is minimal. I guess it depends on what I put into my mouth the night before. However, no matter how minimally bad my morning breath may be, I always brush my teeth. When I'm in a rush to get to class, I may put on the clothes that are on the floor and not fully wash my whole body, I always brush my teeth. What about my morning thoughts? Are they not more foul than my breath? I may not be aware of the stench, but it's there. However, as the morning progresses, the foul morning thoughts disappear. They no longer bother my spirit. Does it matter then? Of course it does! Some time last semester, I woke up really late and neglected brushing. After a while at school, my morning breath disappeared. Morning breath also disappears with the day's progression if you talk, eat, and drink, but that does not excuse forgetting to brush. I'm not suggesting a quiet time every morning, but there is importance in purifying one's mind before starting off the day. I become fully aware of the mind's stench on saturday mornings, as I lay lazily in bed. I become prone to many temptations and my mind is vulnerable for many attacks. Why not cleanse that mind with the Word of God? On that day that I didn't brush, I felt gross. I couldn't wait til I went home to brush. It was constantly on my mind. Shouldn't it be the same way with God's Word? Instead of letting my bad thoughts linger on for a period of the day, I'd rather start off the day cleansed and refreshed, washed anew by the cleansing power of the Holy Spirit.

I just came back from the little Contra Costa church. There are lots of kids there. I find the high school students there quite captivating. They are so honest; so frank. We were going around sharing the goals of our future/aspirations. One guy siad, "I want to be a millionaire." A girl said that she wanted to be successful. "My parents forced me to come to church" was a common response. One guy said, "I used to care, now I don't because no one else does." That was quite a clincher.

I'm still looking for a small church to serve as. Contra Costa at least has a pastor, and when he leaves, another will take his place. And yet, I have a heart to help these kids. Well, Jenny Choi will be serving there, and Daniel is thinking about it, but there are 40 kids. Lord, show me your will. 5/19/97 10:55 am

Thank you, Jesus. Praise the Lord. I was shown mercy, instead of judgement. I deserved just punishment, but I received mercy. Psalm 34 speaks the praises of my heart:

I came into his office expecting the worst. The secretary had told me that he was looking for me. Oh man. I answered all his questions honestly. I clarified a couple points about the paper and admitted that I didn't fully understand the upper division math portion of the paper. However, he didn't accuse me of anything. He just said that it seemed that I didn't digest the material completely, but I put a lot of time into it. I consented to the truth...and I did put a lot of time into it. After his questions, he discussed the subject of my interest (and the topic of my paper), Seismic Tomograpy, for 5 to 10 minutes. Afterwards, I asked him if he was done grading everything. He said that he had to clarify some things with a few other students and with one particular student who would have to see him soon. "Why" I asked. He replied, "Plagiarism." Ironic, isn't it? As I left, he said that I should consider changing my major to geophysics instead of just geology. What a compliment. I left the office feeling I've escaped the flames.

I always lock up my bike, but almost everytime I come back to pick it up, I praise God that my bike is still there. I take it as a given that my bike will get stolen, cuz it's happened to almost all of my friends. So I thank God everytime my bike is not stolen. Liz commented that that's a good attitude, saying that maybe that's how we should view all things. Why should I complain if someone robs me, or get angry if someone hurts me? Don't millions of people get robbed or hurt everyday? Why should I be the exception? However, thanking God for everyday I'm not robbed or hurt doens't seem practical for the nominal Christian. But shouldn't I though? It's not phenomenal!

As I was thinking today, I was wondering. Is effort meaningless if there is no achievement? In my geology and engineering classes, there is no credit for effort. It doesn't matter whether I took 5 hour or 2 hours to do my homework/project. Only the end result counts. Achievement may be just a reflection of effort; no effort--no achievement. Although achievements in cancer research are small, great achievements require even greater effort. What if the achievement was impossible? Then efforts are meaningless. "Without faith, it is impossible to please God." The efforts of liberal theologians who seek God without a faith in Christ is meaningless.

How do I interpret the verse "To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor, and immortality, He will give eternal life"--Rom 2:7 (I think)? If good works do not guarantee salvation, why should people persist in it? My interpretation of these verses is that good works are pleasing to God if done through faith in Christ. However, the purpose of good works is not salvation. It is a reflection of salvation, for what good can come about without the grace of God? Then, my resultant thinking would be: good works are useless for those who try to attain salvation through it, but good works done by Christians please God. I feel like I'm missing something in my interpretation. I'll think about it again in the summer.

However, the verses to a future song, lest I forget:

The only thing harder than dying for someone is living for someone. When I die for someone, my life is mine to give. Yet, when I live for someone, my life is no longer mine. I can easily confess, "Lord, I would die for you." Yet, it's os hard for me to live for Him each day. I feel so bad today. I cannot say that I lived this day for Christ. (This is quite an understatement, for I lived this day completely for myself.) Michael W. Smith's song "Too Many Times" from his first album captures my thoughts almost exactly. However, death is a one time deal, but living is for every day. But what does it mean to take up the cross daily? To take up the cross is to die! How can I die every day? Does every day start all over? Why not? If I lived for Christ yesterday--putting to death my sinful self, does that carry over for today? No! So why should a guilty conscience for today keep me from dying for Him tomorrow? God's sufficient grace forgives me of my sins for today, and can I claim anything good for yesterday that is outside of that grace? Therefore, every day starts all over. Praise God for the freedom I have from guilt and pride through the bood of Jesus Christ!

Persecution has started again in China. It may be due to the Hong Kong situation. Many Chinese Christians are in police custody, but the rest of the world are unaware. I almost cried as I thought about them. How priveliged they are to suffer for the sake of Christ! The fire of persecution only serves to refine their faith. I do pray that persecution will end. I only pray that they will have strength to endure.

I just had another good time with God. I'm just amazed by His mercy. Paul told me yesterday that a team was going into North Korea this fall. Oh, how I wish I could be one of them! This is sooner than I had expected. How exciting! My heart trembles with joy and fear. Does this mean that I might be going within 3 years from now? That's one more year to graduate, one year for master's and one year of working to pay off debts. My God, is 3 years enough for me to be spiritually prepared? Will a Masters in engineering be enough?

I'm also considering the Army Corps of Engineers for better practical experience.

I've realized that I've been quite anti-social. I guess it's because I fear being attached to peopl. I have no time for friends, i.e., I can't hang out with them. Yet, this is a wrong attitude. I think I'm strong enough to handle friendships without sacrificing my study time. In the few minutes that I spend with other, I will tryp to give them my all, my love and encouragement.

I've been reading about Chinese Christians and missionaries who were martyred in the Boxer Rebellion of 1900. If ever that fire of hatred were reignited in the future, and my dear missionary friend Patty were to be killed, I know that it would be no one from the city that killed her. It would be a government soldier who knew nothing of the love she showed all who knew her. The city would mourn her death and become all the more curious of the faith for which she died.

The verse never convicted me until today. I've been struggling with the same old sins again, and as I was eating my measily Ra-mein dinner, the verse came to me. Can I say with confidence that I am set apart for the gospel? Ca I introduce myself in a letter with "Jason, a servant of Christ Jesus, called to be a missionary and set apart for the gospel of God"? Are my actions and thoughts those of a missionary? Lord, train me, work me, change me. Oh, Personal Trainer of y soul, I have not kept your healthy diet code and I've filled my mind with saturated evil. I know I am forgiven for my lack of discipline, but it will take some exercise of faith to burn away the fat. Lord, consume me in your holy fire, and may I burn with passion for you only, as I run the race with confidence, pressing on towards the goal for the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

I think I did well on my engineering mechanics midterm today. The Lord helped me to study the right stuffs. Fruit of good study leads to fruitful praise. Praise God for midterms. After studying yesterday at 1:00 am, I was biking past Dwinelle - going home. Just then, a burden of prayer laid heavy on my heart. I made a U-turn, got off my bike and prayed in the courtyard area. It was a sweet time of prayer. I need to set apart a specific time for prayer.

People ask me how I do it. How I could continue all that I'm doing. My daily schedule is thus: I wake up at seven, go to class by eight, or wake up at six, work at the Chem lab until class. My classes end at around 5 or six. When it ends at 4:00, I go to work as an engineer intern. I finish by 6:00 or 6:30 and eat dinner. Then I take a nap (sometimes) and go to the library. I study until 2 am and go to the geology building to finish my chem experiment. I am carrying 23 units, working 25 hours a week. I have classes all day, filling class gaps with research work in seismology (so I have 3 jobs). I'm taking the hardest class in civil engineering on top of 3 other engineering classes and 2 geophysics classes. I still find time for God, he's in my thoughts constantly. I read his word or memorize it daily. I read articles about North Korea to keep up to date. I've been working on a homepage about North Korea. I've also been reading up on the life of Jim Elliot (In the Shadow of the Almighty). It didn't come without sacrifices. From the start, I knew some sacrifices had to be made. If I did not sacrifice, everything might go down, because I'm limited. But I wasn't going to sacrifice my relationship with God. Isn't He the whole point behind my discipline of study and dilligence?

I had to sacrifice sleep. I sleep 4 or 5 hours a day. I don't spend time with friends (except lunch with a almost random friend on Saturdays). I don't pray as much-it's not even an hour/day. I don't go out to small group. I quit driving the church bus (THAT freed up a lot of time).

I'm doing well in school so far and God is totally awesome, constantly reminding me of Himself every time I start to lag behind. I am humbled by God's kindness. I cannot take credit for what God is doing. How do I do it? It's only by the grace of God.

4/9/97 3:34 pm

This day started out so bad. It was meant to become one of those "bad days." I woke up at around noon, missing two of my classes. My alarm didn't wake me up again. Maybe I shouldn't have gone to class at 5 am. In my rush to catch the end of lecture, I broke a contact lense. I was just not in a good mood. Then God reminded me to praise the Lord, "Hallelujah Anyhow" Rejoice in the Lord always. He really encouraged me and turned a potentially bad day into one that I could rejoice in. I realized that my joy was becoming dependent on school or how I was feeling th$ particular day. Pure joy comes from knowing that I am loved by God.

4/3/97 12:00 am

I've been memorizing the book of Phillipians and I'm on 3:17. Phil 3:17 says "Brethren, join in following my example, and observe those who walk according to the pattern you have in us."

I'm in the library studying engineering and this verse struck me. I find that the best way to learn engineerin and remember its principles is to observe and follow example problems. Engineering principles start to make sense and becomes applicable in the light of these examples.

I find it no different in other aspects of life -- even spiritual things. The Bible is full of holy principles, given to us so that we may be sanctified.

When Paul says, "follow my example", he's not implying that he is living an almost perfect Christian life. He even admits in vs. 12 and 13 that he is not perfect, or had attained his goal, but he tries...pressing on towards that goal.

Examples show us that it is possible to apply principles. Living examples of show us not only that it is possible to have joy in the midst of hardship, peace in turmoil, and fellowship in solitude, but that it is the better option, producing spiritual growth and a deeper relationship with God. In other words, why spend much pain and time summing up infinitesimal particles, when taking the integral with Calculus is better and "stress-free"? In my junior year of high school, I hated Calculus and its principles. What's the use, I would ask. But now, having looked at countless examples and following them to solve problems, I wonder why I didn't embrace it before. Before living in Christ, I felt that obeying God was a chore, a bore, something I'd rather ignore. But now, having witnessed countless examples, in Scripture and in person, and following them, as I see God turn stumbling blocks into stepping stones of faith, I wonder why I didn't embrace Him before.