Halloween was fast approaching, and I needed a costume to top last year's odd dating-sim pastiche. I considered a potted plant, but I wouldn't be able to use fresh leaves (they tend to be in short supply near the end of October.) I considered a water cooler, but my office's supplier wanted the empties back. As I shared these tribulations with my friends over a round of beers, however, inspiration struck. I would go as a vegetable platter.
After I sobered up a little, I decided to go as a bartender.
Doing so, of course, would require a bar mockup, lest my costume be mistaken for "butler" or "douchebag street magician," depending on what kind of bars you go to. I thus went to Home Depot because whenever I think of alcohol, I think of Home Depot to find an acceptable facsimile of a bar countertop.
The situation looked bleak. I could have a piece of plywood for about five dollars, but I would have to stain it myself. I would also have to buy wood stain and apply it to the plywood.
Salvation came a foot square. These squares of vinyl flooring pass decently for wood, and they're even sticky on the back, saving the cost of glue. Of course, they come in a tile pattern rather than a continuous grain, but they were 75 cents apiece, and on a $17,000 AmeriCorps living stipend, I wasn't about to get picky.
I placed the vinyl floor tiles side by side atop a box. This was my last chance to go as a celebrity chef instead.
 
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Some plastic cocktail glasses and a bit of cardboard on the exposed bottom of the flooring tiles (to add depth as well as to keep the adhesive from sticking to inconvenient things) completed the costume. While I was gluing the glasses down, I splattered a few drops of super glue around the 'countertop' to simulate water droplets. It looked great...
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Epoxy would have been a better choice. I decided to chalk it up to experience and go as a bartender serving incredibly unhealthy drinks. |
Actually, I didn't take the costume out to a Halloween party this year; instead, I went with some friends to see Darrell Pucciarellos' Ballet Production of Dracula. Unfortunately, I couldn't bring my costume into the theatre, lest I steal the show. Also, it's a 'family adventure,' which is probably why Dracula went out like a punk instead of going all Tsukihime on the townspeople's asses.
My friends still liked the costume, though.
If I could do it all over again, in addition to using epoxy instead of super glue, I would put up a mock shelf (containing bottles of vinegar, Pepsi, etc.) behind me. I would also pay a drunk to follow me around.
However, I'm not going to do the same costume again next year; that would just be lame. I'm thinking vegetable platter.
...until I came back the next morning to find that my droplets had imploded, leaving unsightly white stress marks in their wake, much in the manner of Michael Jackson.