Our first entry here is an AIM conversation with a "LUEser," or a denizen of the GameFAQs board "Life, the Universe and Everything." That night, a number of users were posting ASCII pictures of Yoshi and Mario... well, everywhere, in flagrant violation of the TOS. Over one thousand were posted, spanning scores of topics, within half an hour. As I don't particularly like sifting through pages and pages of stupid text-pictures, I marked the disruptive eyesores for moderation. And some, including this particularly challenged young man, were not happy about that.

Next up, we have living proof of why children shouldn't be allowed near computers. Oh, and on a side note, after I blocked this loser, he continued to IM me using a bunch of alternate screennames--including one I recognized from several months ago (a quick check of my AIM logs confirmed this.) Nice job keeping your identity secret, dipshit.

Next on the chopping block, we have the reason why knowing the words "fag" and "fuck" doesn't make you intelligent. Especially if you don't know what the former means. Not even being "straight out of Compton" can save Daniel from being some sort of sexually insecure nimrod.

Either this is a scam e-mail, or Citibank has seriously lowered its hiring standards:

Watch as she goes from small talk, to attempting to prove that randomly sending IMs to strangers makes her cool, to claiming she's smart because she's never gotten a C. Well, then it goes into school-related stuff, but that part isn't funny. Anyway, you should be careful if you decide to talk to her, because she knows six languages and she could send her ten lackeys (who exist, they really do) to beat you up.

UPDATE! "Cindy Loumiss," demonstrating her devastating wit, later sent me an IM reading "hey gay." Then she either signed off or blocked me. Maybe she found out about the existence of this page. She might even make a repeat appearance here.

Another Update: "Cindy Loumiss" is affiliated with "lostinthedark137." Maybe he's one of her ten friends? Or, more likely, she made multiple accounts because she just loves me too much to be kept away from me by a simple blocking.

And then we have the people who actually try to get on here.

Extra: I was going to mock this guy by sending him a satirized version of the chain message he sent me, but circumstances led me in a different direction. Anyway, here's the message I was going to send.

Man, idiots just can't get enough of me.

This guy sure loves penises. But does he love them as much as he loves asking stupid questions to strangers? A question worth consideration. By the way, he moonlights as Pamela Anderson, apparently.

UPDATE! Proving indubitably that he has nothing better to do with his life than bother strangers online, this particular degenerate came back with a new account the next night to accuse me of "poping" penises. Also, he seems to find the works of James Joyce incredibly erotic. There's no accounting for some people's tastes.

My, what a bright, original young man!

I don't know how all these cretins find my old AIM bot page, or how they manage to ignore the notice right there in BOLD, but they continue to message me, asking relentlessly whether I'm a bot. There is no escape. They're in every corner of the Internet, waiting for the right moment to strike. It's too late for me now. God save us all.
...Anyway, usually I just notify them that they're fucking idiots, but this time I decided to string the subject along. The results were pretty interesting.

I could use this to make a statement about public education in the state of Massachusetts, but I won't. Also, if you're wondering why this log has no timestamps, JDennis.net has yet to release a version of DeadAIM that works with AIM 5.9.