叫んでも聞こえないこの声

I have nothing to say but I'll pretend I do anyways

It seems I've gotten to updating around once a week these days. It's a fair departure from a few months ago, when I'd find myself updating daily, if not more so. It's not that there weren't enough things on my mind...well technically there were fewer things, but the things that were on my mind wouldn't leave me alone but I think I've finally been able to put them aside. The things I have to deal with now mean less to me, but there's so much to deal with at once that each week is another cycle of trying to keep my head above water.

But nobody wants to hear about that and I've been living it for two months now so I'm tired of hearing about it too.

I had ambitions earlier tonight of finally taking the time to write down some thoughts of mine as the first incarnation of my personal statement (for grad school, which is becoming less and less of a possibility with each moment I spend thinking about it). When I ran my idea for a personal statement by my apartmentmate Jen (i was trying to get her to use it for her personal statement), she commented "that's so you."

The reason being, of course, that I suggested weaving in the source and solution of all of my problems: women (and indirectly, relationships).

So I was going to write about my rocky relationship with my major, all the time we had spent together since I was a child; those fanciful days of five and six when you run around with your bestest friend in the whole wide world and say things like "we're going to get married!" as you run around the field under a clear blue summer sky. But we all know (or should know by now) that relationships aren't all peaches and cream, so it wasn't long before other things came into my life, and suddenly I wasn't spending so much time with it anymore. Books and friends and the joys of biking around outdoors all the way down to the 5th block of the neighborhood, that place my parents didn't want me to go past since I was no more than seven or eight at the time (but my friends and I ended up going past there anyways).

So I've had a bit of a rocky relationship with my major. There have been some significant others waltzing into my life with a toss of the hair, fragrant and smooth, enticing me to let go of my major and be with them instead. But despite all their charms (a 1:1 male:female ratio in the English department instead of 10:1 in the engineering college) and all their graces (nobody likes the engineering major at parties...really. Nobody. That's why when people ask, I'm MCB...just like everyone else), I somehow managed to let them go and stay faithful with my love. I can't say it's my one, and I can't say it's my only, but it's the one I've been with the longest and we have an understanding of each other, even if it decides to beat me every now and then with a midterm, final, or project.

Breaking out of the current topic completely, I've discovered in recent days that I've become much, much harsher when it comes to grammar, spelling, and style (even moreso than before, when I was already a hardass about grammar and spelling). It doesn't help being an engineer, when almost all the documents that come my way are poorly written, poorly structured, and just scream "fob." I can't blame them for it, and I don't hold it against them, it just isn't fun having to read them.

And breaking out of the current topic again, I've noticed lately that I seem to have a tendency to go for Christian girls. How on earth did that happen? o_O

Posted by aoshi at October 15, 2004 09:26 PM