I had a little chat with one of the people I work with today. It was about religion (again...good grief I need to find something else to talk about), and a question that's bugged me ever since it was first posed to me half a decade ago. When you look at each piece of the argument, they seem harmless and simple enough...but put them together and things break. It's also possible I misunderstood a few tenets of Christianity, so if somebody knows better than me maybe they'll say something.
It goes a little something like this.
First, we'll posit a few things which I think most people will agree with.
1. It is only right to blame people for actions they had control over. Put another way, you can't blame somebody for things they had no control over.
2. God is omniscient, knowing past, present, future, and anything else that might slip between the cracks.
3. God is infallible, and can not be wrong.
Pretty simple so far. So let's add a little spice.
4. Everything can be expressed as cause and effect. (it doesn't matter what the original cause is, all that matters for this problem is that there are effects now, which become causes)
5. Following 3, if you know everything about the current state, you know with 100% accuracy exactly what wil happen in the next state (which will then allow you to know exactly what will follow that, etc.)
Hopefully the problem's beginnign to become clear, but just to defog the mental windshield a bit...
6. God knows exactly what you will do today, what you will do tomorrow, and so on so forth until you die and onwards. He's known this well before you were born, before your parents were born, before anybody was ever born. This comes from 2, i.e. God knows all.
7. You can not veer from the actions God knows you will take, since to do so would prove God infallible and everything falls apart. (Whether or not God wants you to stay on the path doesn't matter; simply that God knows will suffice)
8. As a result of 7, it doesn't matter whether or not you want to take the actions you do, since God already knew you were going to do it. In fact, knowing that God knows, it is impossible for you to will yourself to not do something God knew you would (God already knew you'd react that way...part of the niftiness of being omniscient).
9. Since what you want doesn't factor in to what you do, there is not necessarily will in your actions.
And now to tie it all together...
Since by 1 we can not blame someone who has no control of their actions (they might even want to do the precise opposite), and by 7, 8, and 9 you have no control (and might want to do something else entirely), we can then argue that it is unfair for God to judge you for your actions.
As an example, say you killed someone. God knew you were going to. You really didn't want to, in fact you tried to do everything you could to not do it, but it doesn't matter because one way or another you were going to kill the poor guy. One day you die, and Saint Peter says your name's not on the list you're not getting in because you killed that guy. But you didn't want to; you tried to be good and just and stay away from the path of evil. God knew you would, well before you were born and could even make a conscious decision, so really you had no choice. So now you're standing before the gates of heaven and they tell you that you're being judged for a decision you didn't really make.
So how is this fair?
I asked a rabbi who frequents the streets of Berkeley this question. He said to me, "Well, if I offer my son a piece of candy, I know he's going to take it. I know he'll take it before I offer it. But I don't make him do it; he chooses to take the candy for himself."
The problem I have with that argument is that human knowing is fallible; it could be that one day the kid just says "Damn it, I don't want candy today because my teeth hurt" and the rabbi's "knowing" is wrong (but that's okay, he's just a rabbi so the world's not going to end. Different story when you're God). Since the only options with God are 1) God is right, and 2) the world falls apart, it seems safe to say that when God says "You are going to do (insert some action here)," you're going to do it.
On a side note, I have no idea why I mentioned 4 or 5. They have no real bearing on the argument at hand, but are useful just as background knowledge.
The theory of agency works well enough as a counter to the World Scientific View (the whole determinism and cause and effect thing, so you can actually blame people for what they do), but it doesn't seem to work quite right when you're squaring off with God.
Still looking for an answer to this question; maybe it's NP-complete (if you get that joke, you need help).
Think about where it is you are now.
Think about where you're sitting, who you're sitting with, the sounds in the room, the feel of the air against your skin, the light coming into your eyes.
Think about the smell of the air, the feeling in the air and in your body. Think about how the contours of your lower back go against your chair, the way your feet meet the ground.
Think about what you're doing, the motions your hands make, the intricate patterns your fingers trace. Think about the way your arms rest, the position your legs are in.
Think about all of this, and ask yourself:
Wouldn't you rather be on a date right now?
I went to SF to take the GRE today, because we all know how incredibly accurate standardized tests are at evaluating performance. For example, we can turn to the oracle SAT I and the math section for guidance. My apartmentmate (one of those odious Regents scholars, those crazy people) got an 800 on it. To contrast, I got a 710. Clearly, then, her mathematical reasoning skills are a good deal above mine. Forget for a moment that I occasionally have to help her with the math in her homework assignments; the SATs are right damn it. They play a significant factor in where you get to go for college, so clearly they must be indicative of performance.
Clearly.
So now I'm done jumping through that particular hoop. What's really funny is that if you get a perfect 800 on the math part of the GRE, that only puts you in the 92nd percentile (i.e. 92% of the people who take the test get lower than that). On the verbal section, on the other hand, as soon as you land somewhere around a 740 you're at the 99th percentile (i.e. 99% of the people who take the test fall below you).
In the aftermath of the exam, it occurs to me that maybe I should have done some sort of preparation for it (other than finding a valid form of ID). But then that would artifically inflate my score, making it look like I know more than I really do. So to keep myself aligned with my principles (and also because I'm incredibly lazy) I jumped into the test cold turkey and somehow managed to make it out alive.
Sometimes, it seems like standardized testing is less a way of seeing how much you know and is more a way of seeing how ready you are to shell out zero after zero of your hard earned money to pay for test preparation centers to tell you the answers to the common questions so you can get a high score. The ridiculously high price tag of each test (and don't forget score reporting) shafts you again, and what you end up with is a barometer of how rich a given student is. I imagine the admission staff folks know this, since they're not stupid people. Kind of makes you wonder why it is they continue to support a process that doesn't actually accomplish anything.
Students with money. Exactly what the universities (which always need money) are looking for. How horrible would it be to discover that the reason the universities use standardized testing as a part of the admissions process is to gauge how likely you are to contribute money to them (asides from paying tuition fees, which are already insane).
I have taken the time, the energy, and the willpower to gradually erase you from my mind and heart. It's the greatest compliment I could ever give to you, to anyone: to say that the weight of having had and lost you is enough to make me wish I had never known you at all. So this is me, spending the last few months scrubbing my mind and clearing it of the marks and stains you've left, trying to turn back the hands of time (but we know that can't happen, and really I'm just lying to myself). Don't hate me for doing this. You were the one who decided that he was worth enough to accept his offer and never talk to me again.
You once told me of a nightmare you had, where I told you that I had completely erased all my memories of you. Sometimes, life's a dream; other times it's but a nightmare.
With all this time and energy spent, it's time to move from you to her.
She seems like a nice girl who's interesting enough to be worth my time (and not like other people I've met who fade in for a few moments and are written out of the scene the next day). I like the way she moves, the way she smells, the way she talks. I can't help but feel like it would be a little inappropriate, but she looks like she'd be worth taking the plunge and so I will.
This has been yet another completely vague and non-commital entry brought to you by my desire to put thoughts down without (too thoroughly) incriminating myself or others.
My apartmentmate Jen and I were being naughty children and downloading things from Limewire the other day when I got the notion in my head to download some Madonna. Not new-fangled Mr. DJ Madonna nonsense, the old stuff...the good stuff.
So while we picked up great classics like Lucky Star, Like a Prayer, Holiday, and Like a Virgin, we stumbled upon some music videos of hers; specifically, the one for Erotica and the one for Justify My Love. Given the reputation Madonna has for her 80's videos, I decided to snag those two while I was at it and gave them a swing.
As it turns out, this tune that'd been stuck in my head for the past ten years or so (really) was Erotica. My memory of it was skewed all over the place since it was from way back when I was elementary school, so I always thought it went something like "Giovanni, put your arms all over my body," but it's really "Erotic...put your hands all over my body." Funny what you come up with when you're a kid who isn't even really sure what "put your hands all over my body" means. I can almost see my infantile mind thinking "Isn't that a hug?"
I had no idea Madonna was so fetish-y. After those two videos, it's no wonder people were flipping out back then...hell I'd be flipping out if I saw that on TV today. It's not to say I think it's wrong, it's just not really meant for everyone. The part that really gets to me, though, is how I heard that song when I was a kid and really liked it even though I had no idea what it was saying. While I'm on the topic, I really liked TLC's Red Light Special too (Creep was a good track too). Being the 11 year old kid I was at the time, I had no idea what any of the lyrics meant...and even if there was some inkling of understanding it wasn't well formed enough to REALLY know.
It's kind of funny how you end up liking songs like that when you're a kid, listening to them on the radio and whatnot while your parents drive you to school. Then your parents hear you singing along and it's like :O smack down time! Kind of like how there are probably lots of little elementary school kids running around singing along to Milkshake without the slightest idea of what it means.
Anyway, if you haven't seen the video for Erotica before, you should take a look. Drop me a line if you want a link. Watching that video makes me want to get back into the clubbing scene. It's been a good couple of months since I last went to a club, time to round up some folks to go clubbing!
Too bad a lot of my friends here are still under 21...I'll have to find a nice 18 and over club to take them to. Come join the revelry :D
It seems I've gotten to updating around once a week these days. It's a fair departure from a few months ago, when I'd find myself updating daily, if not more so. It's not that there weren't enough things on my mind...well technically there were fewer things, but the things that were on my mind wouldn't leave me alone but I think I've finally been able to put them aside. The things I have to deal with now mean less to me, but there's so much to deal with at once that each week is another cycle of trying to keep my head above water.
But nobody wants to hear about that and I've been living it for two months now so I'm tired of hearing about it too.
I had ambitions earlier tonight of finally taking the time to write down some thoughts of mine as the first incarnation of my personal statement (for grad school, which is becoming less and less of a possibility with each moment I spend thinking about it). When I ran my idea for a personal statement by my apartmentmate Jen (i was trying to get her to use it for her personal statement), she commented "that's so you."
The reason being, of course, that I suggested weaving in the source and solution of all of my problems: women (and indirectly, relationships).
So I was going to write about my rocky relationship with my major, all the time we had spent together since I was a child; those fanciful days of five and six when you run around with your bestest friend in the whole wide world and say things like "we're going to get married!" as you run around the field under a clear blue summer sky. But we all know (or should know by now) that relationships aren't all peaches and cream, so it wasn't long before other things came into my life, and suddenly I wasn't spending so much time with it anymore. Books and friends and the joys of biking around outdoors all the way down to the 5th block of the neighborhood, that place my parents didn't want me to go past since I was no more than seven or eight at the time (but my friends and I ended up going past there anyways).
So I've had a bit of a rocky relationship with my major. There have been some significant others waltzing into my life with a toss of the hair, fragrant and smooth, enticing me to let go of my major and be with them instead. But despite all their charms (a 1:1 male:female ratio in the English department instead of 10:1 in the engineering college) and all their graces (nobody likes the engineering major at parties...really. Nobody. That's why when people ask, I'm MCB...just like everyone else), I somehow managed to let them go and stay faithful with my love. I can't say it's my one, and I can't say it's my only, but it's the one I've been with the longest and we have an understanding of each other, even if it decides to beat me every now and then with a midterm, final, or project.
Breaking out of the current topic completely, I've discovered in recent days that I've become much, much harsher when it comes to grammar, spelling, and style (even moreso than before, when I was already a hardass about grammar and spelling). It doesn't help being an engineer, when almost all the documents that come my way are poorly written, poorly structured, and just scream "fob." I can't blame them for it, and I don't hold it against them, it just isn't fun having to read them.
And breaking out of the current topic again, I've noticed lately that I seem to have a tendency to go for Christian girls. How on earth did that happen? o_O
It's not exactly an unknown fact that more attractive people get better service. It's just the way the world works, regardless of whether you think it should be this way or not. And, as a subservient worker in the technical service industry, there's nothing that makes me happier than having an attractive person to work with.
But then we get into complications.
Like the girls who think they're hot...but aren't. Plenty of those here, I assure you. While I'm at it, let me take a moment to remind the people who happen to read this blog that low cut jeans, tube tops, and camisoles are a privelege, not a right.
Though I'm told that there are some designers who are putting out clothing like that specifically for people who offer a little extra something to hold on to when the throes of passion get a bit too wild. If you haven't yet, watch Orgasmo, especially the part when T-Rex comes out.
The best and brightest days are the ones where I have the fine opportunity to see an attractive girl some time during my day. It sounds like a simple thing, but out here it's not. In fact, it's pretty damn hard. Add to that all the things that make a girl attractive to me and it's a wonder it happens at all.
So the days I actually see a pretty girl, I remember it.
Take for example two days ago when I was stopping by the Asian ghetto (a food courtish place here in Berkeley) when this girl walked by with her perfume hanging around afterwards smelling so sweet and inviting. But pretty girls usually come in glints and gleams, shining brighter than the sun for a moment before disappearing from sight again.
Or there are times like today when by a matter of circumstance they hang around for a while longer than usual, and they brighten my day for a good long while. It takes more than just a pretty face and a nice figure to be attractive, though. It's more than just a personality, too, though that seems to play a big part in it. It's the air they give off, the atmosphere.
The best thing a girl could ever offer me is a sense of peace.
But in the meantime, running into attractive girls from time to time (once or twice a week and I count myself lucky) really helps keep me going from one day to the next. Especially the ones who don't realize that they're really attractive; that just makes them even more attractive.