When people tell me about how their jobs are boring and all they do is push papers for some lawyer, or taking notes for somebody who's paying them minimum wage, or counting pills, it makes me think about how nice my job is. So What have I been doing this past week, you ask? What gives me the right to look down on people who are doing their best just to pull together enough money to get by? Well! Let me tell you.
I've been looking at porn.
Can your job beat that? I did not think so! Randy wins again!
People have been asking me how I've been since moving up to Seattle.
I've been good.
The weather here has been nothing short of spectacular, with sunny days at 70 degrees with mild hints of a salty breeze being the norm. Fall's coming, and the trees are starting to change from green to yellow (what a bizarre concept). Work is awesome most of the time, frustrating some of the time, and stressful none of the time.
I don't have much else to say about that because life is good and I'm having too much fun living it to be spending time talking about living it. Though, if some sudden burst of drama or other depressing event comes about, you can be sure you'll hear more from me.
What kind of drunk are you? When I get drunk, I don't really get angry or sad or violent. I don't laugh more or start crying or pick fights with strangers.
I get very, very shady.
So this poses a number of problems, the biggest being that I have a girlfriend. There are some people who say that just because you have a girlfriend doesn't mean you can't play around, you just have to be careful not to get caught.
To that I say, you will get caught. You will always get caught. It might not be the next day, the next month, or the next year...but one day, you will get caught. Now if you're not looking to stick with your girlfriend for much longer than a few months, then hey it's time to play! But seeing how that's not the case for me now, I'd get caught.
One solution is simply to stop drinking; but that's not going to happen anytime soon. So the problem is thus:
1) I like drinking, oftentimes more than I should.
2) When I drink, I get shady.
So how do we fix this problem? My simple, somewhat elegant solution is this: wear torn underwear.
If there's one way to motivate a guy to keep his pants on, it's to tear his underwear. Nobody wants to be known as "that guy who wears torn underwear." And you just know that as soon as you sleep with one girl who notices you have torn underwear, every girl is going to know. And you know at least some of those girls (probably most of those girls) have gay friends, so they're all going to know too. And you know those gay friends are going to keep talking, so pretty soon everyone knows: you're the guy who wears torn underwear.
And thus, before going out drinking I am always careful to select the pair of underwear that has a tear not only along the waist band, but sometimes (just sometimes) also around the seat as well. What I'm doing keeping underwear that's this old is another issue entirely.
But ever since I started this practice, my tenacity at hitting on random women has just about disappeared. Alternative solutions to this problem include wearing underwear with streak marks in them; nobody wants to be "the guy with the streaked underwear."
So if you've got a boyfriend and you can't keep him from chasing tail all day, just remember: tear his underwear.
I went to Macy's this weekend with Helen to buy sheets for my new bed. We poked around and spent some time going back and forth on whether to go with white sheets or cream sheets. Helen says I have no aesthetic sense whatsoever. She's probably right. I don't see what's wrong with a yellow and brown comforter with white and blue floral print pillow cases.
After we made our purchase, Helen and I were walking out of the store when this old lady stopped us, and said to me "Is this the happy new groom?"
As it turns out, she saw us shopping for sheets and thought we were doing some home shopping together after getting married, and I looked like I was having a good time (I was).
And thus I had my first experience of someone thinking Helen and I were married...how scary.
I have net again. Finally.
I'm in Seattle. I'm living in both corporate temp housing and my new apartment. Temp housing has bed. New apartment has net (but not much else).
Working is interesting (I've been there for 3 days now), and hopefully will stay that way.
Seattle is nice, the weather is nice. It's kinda dark and rainy, but that suits my personality.
I spend all day in front of a computer, so my motivation for continuing to do that is dwindling.
Once I get a desk, a bed, and a chair I will write some more.