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Architecture Jokes
While engineer jokes abound a plenty, I can actually count up all the architecture or architect jokes on the internet. And most of them were short, not funny, or variations of other existing jokes. So, I do what any architect would- design new ones. Expect more and more to come with every month of architectural instruction.
Crazy curves are miles from the cutting edge these days. To continue to push the limits of architectural design, you must free your mind beyond function, beyond form, even beyond space. TRICK #1: Plants in places they don't belong. Trees upside down, grass growing on walls, if it ain't unnatural, it ain't cool. Aren't you glad there aren't many plants rights activists? TRICK #2: Messing around with text. Hardly a new thing, the Arabs have done this for centuries. Of course, this is the Information Age, so the graceful curves of calligraphy have been replaced by computer-generated, laser-cut words. It's not a sign if it's a wall! TRICK #3: Sound Effects. That new building too young to be haunted? No problem, throw in some speakers, put in flowing water, and presto, creep out those pesky pedestrians! TRICK #4: Good design takes place in the desert. Since it's avant-garde, it's not going to fit into any sort of urban context. Or natural one, either (see #1). Out in the desert though, there's nothing to clutter the purity of the design...not like that matters though, as there's no one around to experience it. Oh well, people would spoil the design anyway. TRICK #5: Good design happens at night. Why, may you ask? Well, it's been said since the dawn of time, architecture is all about light. The sun is such an unreliable source of it though, only being at the perfect angle once every 365 days. With some electric lighting, or better yet, image projection, though, you can design the light and not let the light design you! CONCLUSION: The ultimate avant-garde architectural statement is a glowing, talking tree in the middle of the desert. Whoever said God is in the details was right. The value of time and money In 2004, UC Berkeley's architecture department was faced with a budget shortfall, and had to make a tough decision. Either double the semesterly wood shop fee, or cut shop hours. After asing many students on the matter, the administration found students in overwhelming favor of raising the shop fee. Conclusion? Architecture students have no appreciation of the value of money. But, there's more. These people have no appreciation of the value of time either, as the longer shop is open, the longer they keep working in it! "God complex" A student in a undergraduate design studio was told this by her TA after designing a transparent floor over water. Later on, the design was changed to the decidedly more diabolical one of a floor surface that randomly sinks into the water. Green design, extreme forms of From a bathroom wall: "For a return to nature, actualize industrial collapse! Ban buildings!" Another person's treasure? Next time you see an ugly building, remember, someone designed it, and someone else paid good money for that design. Who's the bigger fool? The number one design DON'T By far the worst possible design decision in any building is having a noncontiguous floor. Invariably, this leads to the "having to go downstairs to go upstairs" problem. I've had the luck to experience with great regularity two outstanding examples of such design. The first was a high school, which was originally built with a two-story main building with a one-story cafeteria attached. Twenty years later, growing enrollment prompted the construction of a two-story addition behind the cafeteria. For three decades, students walked down to go up until a giant elevated hallway was constructed linking the two second floors. The second case was actually the Berkeley architecture department's Wurster Hall. While it's ugliness is well known across campus, only the architecture students realize how impractical it also is. The architecture studios are housed in the north wing on floors 5-9, while the computer lab and slide library is on floor 4 on the south wing. The central part of the building is only 3 stories high. This building was designed and built in one piece! Naturally, a walkway is in the works as the department plans further renovations and expansions. More stories out of Wurster Hall Hard to believe that it took not one, but three world-renowned architects to design this thing! But clearly the elevator does not go to the top floor- you must take the stairs to the (now-unused) executive conference room on the 10th! Why buildings fall down In the United States, architecture is taught with U.S. standard units, science is taught with metric units, and engineering is taught with a mix of both. On the difficulty of architecture education... A picture is worth a thousand words. How'd you like to write a 10,000 word paper every week? On Brutalism... Just because the name came from the French word "breton brut" (raw concrete) and not what you think it came from doesn't mean that the building ain't brutal on the human spirit. If cars were designed by architects... Your car would be designed based on what kind of road you live next to. This process would take several years, even though there are already many cars on the street you live on. After your car is designed, your town government will have to approve it. Then your neighbors may complain and force you to redesign your car. When the design is finally finished, your car will be built from scratch. Parts will be sent to your garage, where the workers will then proceed to assemble your car. This will take 50% longer than you expected, and cost 100% more than expected. The finished car will look nothing like some of the older cars, although it will run on the same engine. It will look very impressive from the front, less so on the side, and even less so on the back. This is because all parking is tail-in. Every few years you will have to repaint your car, both on the outside and on the inside. Periodically you will reupholster your car. The car itself will last over a hundred years if properly maintained, though you may need to strengthen the frame by adding steel bars to the outside. Eventually when you want to get a new car, you will have to dismantle the old one first. If you're lazy you can simply blow up the car. Architect, Landscape Architect, City Planner, or what?: Choose the answer that best completes the sentence. Trees a. are good for hiding a poorly designed part (or whole) of a building. b. are an essential part of the environment. c. keep the air fresh and clean. d. make a decent building material. e. are an annoyance. f. look good. Light is a. vital to the spirit. b. vital to life. c. to be shared. d. a type of electromagnetic radiation. e. required to do work. f. a luxury. An ugly building is one that is a. poorly proportioned. b. lacking in vegetation. c. not in harmony with its neighbors. d. lacking in maintenance. e. in need of a renovation. f. out of style. An empty lot a. ought to have something built on it. b. could make a good park. c. is a potential crime magnet. d. makes an impromptu parking lot. e. is easy to work with. f. a waste of space. A hundred-story building on a small Pacific island would be a. impressive. b. disasterous to the environment. c. out of scale. d. hard to have a proper foundation. e. a logistical nightmare. f. stupid. The most important room in a house is a. the living room. b. the garden. c. the kitchen. d. the basement. e. the bathroom. f. the bedroom, or more importantly, the number of bedrooms. If your choices were mostly a. You're an architect. While your designs may be visually stunning, chances are that is all they are. b. You're a landscape architect. With designs both ecologically friendly and attractive to the community, landscape architects are well recieved by all people except Architects. Too bad there's this thing called rain. c. You're a city planner. You actually understand that a site does not exist in a vacuum and ought to fit into its context. Unfortunately, there's very little you can do about it. d. You're a civil engineer. Your designs are solid and work, as they follow the best way of solving the problem. Fortunately there are architects to mess things up so not everyone's living in a box. e. You're a contractor. You don't really care what's being built, only how it's built. Or maybe you don't care much about that either. f. You're a developer. You actually get stuff built that 99% of the population finds agreeable. Too bad the other 1% just happen to be the people in the neighborhood where you're building. The Cows of Architectural Styles: ART DECO: You have two cows. You paint one silver, and make the other stand up on its hind legs. INTERNATIONAL STYLE: You have two cows. You put them both in identical boxes. BRUTALISM: You have two cows. You skin one and bury the other in concrete. LATE MODERNISM: You have two cows. You slice one in half and encase it in glass. The other you disembowel and glue its innards on its outside. POSTMODERNISM: You have two cows. You paint one green and purple and give it a hat, and you dress the other one in mismatched clothes. Top 10 Architectural Innovations of the Next 50 Years: 10. Wireless plumbing 9. Good looking concrete 8. Plexisteel 7. Temporary buildings that are actually temporary 6. Miniaturization 5. Building DNA 4. "Smart" floor tiles 3. Sport utility houses 2. Self-cleaning dormitories 1. Virtual reality bathrooms Return to First Cultural main page |
