the beno journal

go to the 1st entry of 2001 in the new beno journal, 2001 edition.

this will be the last entry in this part of my journal.   the next time i log an entry, i'll be writing a new file.   well, i guess i'll write 1 more entry here to give u the url to the new file, huh?   neway, i've been so bizzy lately, n' that's why i haven't been able to log many entries.   what have i been doing?   well, i werk long days, n' then i come home n' werk hard @ trying to clean up the apt.   it's like back in the day when i'd werk all day, take a short nap, n' go to taekwondo team practices.   'twas like having 2 jobs, like living a dual life.   n' 'gain it's been like that... but well... "engineer by day, housekeeper by nite" sure doesn't sound all that exciting, does it?   frick!   *sigh* well, that's what i've been this week, these 6 days w/o the beautiful kaela kang.   'cept 4 last nite.   s.mike called me up... well... c, i stayed @ werk till 830p last nite cos i was werking hard till 'bout 630p.   then i started doing werk 4 the ucmap taekwondo snowtrip.   i spent 'lotta time on that.   then toby called me, n' we chatted 4 a bit.   k, then jeff called me.   c, s.mike called me earlier to ask me to go shopping in sf w/ him n' jeff, but i was still @ werk.   later, while i was barely leaving corte madera, aka "cm," jeff called me n' told me to meet him n' s.mike @ thai noodles on shattuck.   well, i hurried home to berkeley cos i was starving.   i went to thai noodle but didn't find them, so i called jeff.   jeff sed they were @ triple rock brewery, n' so they were.   the 2 of them n' s.mike's old housemate sabina.   so we had beer n' talked.   s.mike went off on his famous theories... u know... theories 'bout guys n' gurls, etc.   'twas fun.   n' then roland joined us, n' we went to thai noodle.   then sabina asked her friend to join us.   so there was a bunch of us.   so we were sittin' 'round, eating, talking 'bout s.mike's theories, n' then, dang... i think i c ed park's out of the corner of my eye.   then i think i c jon aytac's face... n' there was no mistaking his cos he's got that crazy beard goin' on.   wow! i ran outside, n' 'twas ed park, eric chang, n' jon aytac.   whoa!   so we stood outside of thai noodles n' talked 4 a short bit.   they were on their way to triple rock.   *sigh*   'twas so crazy to c them.

neway, i've been cleaning n' throwing out stuff all week long.   now i'm 'bout to leave to socal.   2day during lunch, i drove back to berkeley n' got my hair cut @ panache.   erin's gonna come pick me up in 'bout 15 mins.   some p. crew affiliates r going to disneyland 4 new yr's eve.   my 2nd new yr's @ disneyland in a row.   2morrow, i'll go to kaela's grandmutha's b.day party.   well, i better go... i gotta make sure i'm all packed.   *sigh*   i wish i could give u a big wrap up of the yr, like i did last yr... but what can i say in 4 mins?   well, i'll sum it all up by saying 'twas a great yr cos i got 2gether w/ kaela.   there was crap here n' there like her loser psycho exbf, not as much hanging out, apt situations, stuff like that... but how could ne of that have spoiled my happiness?

u know, these r the last days of this beno journal.   i mean, i'm gonna start a new file next month, n' prob'ly do as the beautiful kaela kang does n' start a new file every month...   i'm not sure... maybe it won't be every month...   i'm not sure yet; maybe just every yr?   or every season?   i dunno.   *sigh*   i just know that this file has gotten really huge.

well, i'm back from my christmas break.   i tried to clean up the apt last nite.   so it's pretty settled that kaela n' i will try to find an apt 2gether this semester.   my current apt is under rent control, n' 1nce i find a new place the new rent will be outrageously much more than what i pay now, i know.   true, @ this rate, mortgage'd be better than rent, but really now... i can't.   life, life, life.   kaela n' i talked 'lot 'bout future plans last nite.   boy, oh boy... we gotta plan 4 the future.   when is the future?   someday we'll be all grown up; when is that someday?   i was saying... a 17 yr old can hear 'bout / look @ a 25 yr old n' say, "when i grow up i wanna be like him/her."   but man... a 25 yr old can't look @ 'nother 25 yr old n' say the same.   we've already made some decisions in our lives where we can't go back n' redo them.   heh, but man... u gotta live w/ these choices... not just live w/ them, be proud of them, rejoice in them.   to all the other 25 yr olds, 24 yr olds, 26 yr olds... be proud of who u r n' who u will be.   n' u know what?   don't let ur parents make u feel ashamed of it... cos i know that's what parents often do.   life has 'nuff pressure as is.   neway, why am i talkin' 'bout this?   i dunno... i guess thinking 'bout the future brings anxiety... but it shouldn't; it should make us feel hopeful n' eager.   sometimes i can feel pessimistic tho', expect really bad things.   sometimes i think the economy's gonna crash.   in that case, all these dot com millionaires'll hafta sell their san josé homes 4 cheap, right?   why would i think that the economy's gonna crash?   maybe it's just that stocks r do so awfully right now.   maybe i just think that the country'll go to waste w/ a republican in the white house.   don't ppl get rich when the republicans govern.   i guess the rich get richer n' the poor get poorer under trickle down economics, right?   but am i rich or poor?   or does it matter?   i'm no wise man.

neway, this is all blabber.   so what's been going on.   kaela's been down in chino, so i don't get to c her.   we talk 'lot tho'.   she called me on her cell from her relatives' house yesterday, on christmas.   so we talked 2ice yesterday.   i spent time in san jo.   i started to realise all that san josé actually is...   *sigh* well, shoot! i dunno.   i struggle w/ this debate: is san jo like orange county, or is it something else?   i'll always have a hard time arguing that san jo isn't like orange county, n' this weekend i started to convince myself that san jo is a li'l more like orange county than i have been admitting.   it has always been so much more suburban than i've been admitting...   i lived there n' grew up there; then i went off to berkeley 4 college.   i came back, n' i sed all things had changed; butchu know? maybe so much didn't change... i just 4got what it had always been like.   i went off to college n' gained a consciousness n' awareness i hadn't had b4, n' i came back to san jo n' i saw what it really is.   but i dunno... things have changed; but more things have stayed the same than i had previously thought.

san jo is full of rich, spoiled kids.   well, what other kind of kid is there these days?   ha, just kidding... 'course there r kids out there that werk hard to get somewhere better than where they r.   but now i 'member... almaden valley didn't have so many of that kind.   no, now i 'member... 'twas full of spoiled, snotty kids... mostly white or asian.   i 'member now how those asian kids r: they try to impress their friends w/ how american they can be.   then the try to impress their friends w/ how asian they can be.   whatever they do, so much of it is just 'bout impressing their friends.   why? cos a kid wants to stand out just a li'l in this suburb full of kids.   a kid doesn't wanna be just 'nother face in that crowd.

i 'member in college, some ppl'd tell me that they liked norcal better than socal cos norcal's so much less superficial than socal, so much less image conscious.   is that really true?   n' would that necessarily a good thing neway?   as u can c, this weekend, i started to question the value of norcal.   i used to so strongly believe in norcal, in the bay area, but i started to lose faith this weekend.   i looked 'round n' realised: dang, stuff is so expensive here. yah, ppl r rich; maybe they're 2 rich.   n' stuff is really expensive.   housing's expensive.

on sun, my mom n' i went to stanfurd shopping center.   that's a nice mall.   in the sobay, the best malls r valley fair n' stanfurd, i guess.   just like valley fair does, stanfurd mall attracts a lot of asians, 'specially armani exchange.   'round a|x, u'll c lots'a rich, asian immigrants, n' lots'a poor asian immigrants trying to look rich.   i'm not saying nething negative 'bout 'bout these ppl; i'm just commenting on their existence.   we were s'pposed to eat dinner @ this grilled meat salad place called plutos, but 'twas closed.   instead we ate subpar gyros @ some gyros place on university that made me wish i was @ yiassoo.

on christmas day, we ate cantonese fud 2ice: we went to dim sum @ joy luck place, then we went to a seafud restaurant, abc seafud.   both r very popular, crowded restaurants in the silicon valley.   there r many chinese ppl here, i tell u.   we got lousy service @ abc, n' u know what?   i personally think it's cos we don't speak cantonese.   butchu know what?   every1 ought to learn a few phrases of languages to use in restaurants u frequent.   i mean, i say this especially from the perspective of an asian cos no matter where what kind of asian restaurant i go to, i'll be mistaken 4 that ethnicity; n' if i don't speak that langauge, then i'll be written off as snobby.   u know that?   i 'membered now how it felt to be in hong kong.   i felt ppl thought i was snobby cos i didn't speak cantonese to them but spoke english.   so it's good to say "thank u" etc. in the language of the server, if u can... but don't do it patronisingly!   'course this doesn't really apply to japanese restaurants much cos... well, u know... i figure most japanese americans don't expect other japanese americans to speak japanese.   but that surely isn't the case 4 chinese n' koreans.

2day is brandie barrows's b.day!   happy b.day brandie!   she reads this sometimes, so that makes her even more kewl!

well, i just sorta stuck that in there, but i should continue talkin 'bout the bay area.   so u know... i guess some things r disillusioning me, 'specially the cost of living.   butchu know?   allow me now to focus on the positives of bay area life:

1. san francisco - san francisco is a cosmopolitan city, full of artistic expression, fashion n' glamour, bright lites, colourful ppl, varied ethnic culture, interesting history, delicious n' innovative cuisine, young nitelife.   it's a place that authors write 'bout, that movies r set in...

2. intelligent, educated ppl - the bay area has great universities such as berkeley, n' well... stanfurd... n' it also has ucsf, uc hastings... n' the abundance of csu skools shows that ppl do care somewhat 'bout education, right? well... k, besides that, tho'... educated ppl come to the bay area.   yah, they come as engineers... but besides that!   educated ppl come here to fulfill other purposes 2: activism, art/literature/musik, to teach, to live...

3. fresh air, blue skies - well, this is quickly becoming less of a pt in the silicon valley, i guess... but in general, there's less smog up here than in socal.   i never get a chance to bring ppl up into the hills in the almaden valley, to the hiking trails that my dad always went to, the trails that i went to w/ cub scouts, etc.   the bay area does a better job in preserving its natural lands... not that it doesn't grow n' expand, but it has interesting natural parks that ppl do go to... n' we're close 'nuff to tahoe.   that's very important cos tahoe snow is good quality snow.

well, i dunno the pt of that list.   i 'member back when eric chang n' toby'd argue 'bout what's better norcal or socal... n' they're 'both socalers... toby's from san diego, n' eric's from arcadia.   eric likes his in-n-out burgers n' hot socal women, n' toby likes how it's "less superficial" n' less hectic up here.   man, but really... i think we came to this conclusion b4, n' it's true... the only real truth here is that central cali4nia sucks! ha ha ha.   i think that's the conclusion that closed the debate.   why not blow up central cali4nia n' drag socal up to norcal?   they really need to make a bullet train btwn norcal n' socal.   well, my sister n' steve used to live in san luis obispo; that's central cali4nia, but it's long the coast.   it's a beautiful coast.   we shouldn't sacrifice that.   can't all of cali4nia just love 1 'nother?   show that cali4nia love!   give it up, give it up!!!   shake it, cali!   shake it, cali!   just think of phil... he 1nce lived in socal, then he came up to norcal, n' now he's in oregon... well, right now he's in irvine.   i think he likes norcal better, but i think he thinks that san jo is just like orange cty.   *sigh*   from the way s.mike talks of virginia... i'm just glad we don't live there...

i'd never gone out w/ a socal gurl b4 kaela, u know.   the women of my past were bay area women.   i guess socal women r just so much hotter, like eric sed.   well, if we're gonna talk 'bout that, then we're sorta talking 'bout gender issues, n' lemme talk 'bout this: sometimes i feel, in socal, guys gotta put on more of a macho act.   u know, norcal guys r a bunch'a sensitive saps, all fruity n' all, right?   ha ha.   well, i dunno... i don't think that's true...   in san jo, guys gotta do that macho act 2 sometimes.   n' well, shoot... it's not like the bay area doesn't have places like urban oakland, richmond, n' east pally, tuff neighbourhoods.   but it's also just got its share of "berkeley telegraph street fair let's go hug an elephant seal pledge a donation 4 kqed n' love 1 'nother" feel... n' yah, i guess ppl don't think that's what tuff guys do...   but tuff guys know that's what tuff guys do.

man, now wasn't this ptless?

so last nite, i brought phil home in my car, home to san jo; n' the beautiful kaela kang followed us.   in my car, to get that christmas mood, we played the jewel christmas cd that grace n' steve gave me 4 christmas last yr.   we got home, n' all 6 of us ate hot pot.   then we did the christmas thing.   yah, we did the christmas thing already, exchanged presents, opened presents already on fri nite.   my mom gave me some undershirts n' a long sleeve polo that i can wear to werk.   grace n' steve gave me a wool sweater n' some body butter 4 my dry skin.   my sister baked lots'a stuff.   i saw that grace n' steve painted my room.   i fell asleep watching tv.

2day, kaela n' phil left 4 socal.   i won't c kaela 'gain till fri nite!   nuts.   well, i went running in the park this afternoon.   i felt out of shape.   but i got to keep it realistic...   i'm not that out of shape, i just gotta get back into the swing of things.   the 1st werkout after a long break'll always feel tuff.   i ran 3 miles; i ran to the lake, looked @ ducks, geese, n' coots, n' ran back.   i saw some very beautiful ducks.   they have lots'a mallards, but also some brown headed n' black headed 1s.   i'm glad i went 4 that jog.   now that i've opened all my presents, what should i do 'bout christmas?   well, i know i actually have a coupl'a presents that i didn't get yet, n' there's 1 that kaela n' i were s'pposed to give out, n' i can think of 'nother that i still haft'a give out...   so christmas isn't quite over.   should i go shopping?   but it'll be so crowded.

[later] i went to blockbuster to rent some horror movies: the cell n' mission to mars.   i figure kaela won't be watching w/ me 2nite, so i might as well rent horror movies.   i had an expired 241 coupon.   i gave the coupon to the cashier neway.   she told me 'twas expired.   i sed, "oh, really? shoot. oh well... i just found the coupon on my mom's fridge, so i figured i might as well use it."   then she sed, "hold on," n' she took this card from her drawer n' scanned it, n' i got 241.   sometimes, u know, cashiers will give u a discount if u try, u know?   it's just like this other time when we ordered a round table pizza @ ken's store, n' i picked it up n' brought this coupon that ken gave me.   i saw that it was expired, but i tried it neway.   the cashier let me have the discount.   these r such common coupons neway, 1s that come out every week.

i'm sitting here @ my office 'puter really, absolutely frustrated 'bout a problem; but it's not something i wanna talk 'bout here, n' i don't even want ppl to ask me 'bout it.   it's the kind of thing that just really puts a damper on ur day, u know?   i don't like thinking life's a dead end.   i really don't like to deal w/ pessimism n' pessimistic thinking.   i like to have hope, to hope, to believe that things can get better.   pessimism is dangerously contagious.   foul moods r infectious.

well, i don't want to bog u down 'bout crap i won't even talk 'bout.   shake dog shake.   i'll shake off all these bad feelings.   i feel like they're fleas or something on me, n' i'm a dog, n' if i shake hard 'nuff, i'll shake them off.

so yes, 4 our 11th monthversary, i took the beautiful kaela kang to fringale in sf.   when i got to the restaurant, i was worried i came to a really snooty place.   the pregnant hostess was a li'l rushed.   the restaurant was full of older yuppies, which is funny to say cos yuppy is s'pposed to mean young urban professional, but these ppl weren't really young, just urban n' professional.   n' then there was us.   neway, it turned out to be a great dining experience.   our waiter was definitely a humble n' polite guy, but knowledgeable.   that's how a server should be.   we had quail, crab salad, mussels, salmon, coffee parfait, mango/orange sorbet, latte, n' a good gerwürztraminer wine.   the waiter gave us free truffles w/ a candle 4 our anniversary.   'twas really thoughtful of him n' above his responsibilities, u know?   that's good service.   kaela opened her christmas present: a handspring visor deluxe.   kaela, as an anniversary present, gave me a sharper image back massager.   it's really good.   she also gave me a voucher 4 a parrotlet, when we find a new place to live.   she also gave me some snowmen peeps.   we went to j.town n' neoprinted n' took pics w/ my elph.

yesterday was thurs.   'twas my office holiday lunch.   we went to our boss's house.   i drove a carload.   i don't interact w/ my cowerkers 'nuff, i know.   after the party, we had the rest of the day off as a company holiday.   i was so tired.   i sleepily drove home.   i packed up a whole bunch of clothes n' stereo equipment n' brought it to the salvation army to donate it.   i think i gave 'way some good stuff.   some stuff, it cmed like a shame to give away 4 free, but u know... it wouldn't be a donation if it weren't worth something, u know?   it's better to think 'bout how these useful things can do 4 some1 else.   it's good to donate.   it's important to donate good stuff not just trash.   i guess, if i really try hard, i can sell lots'a used stuff on ebay or something, but why go thru so much bother 4 a few dollars, when a big charity organisation knows how to do it more efficiently n' 'll appreciate it, u know?   well, after the salvation army, i came home n' cleaned up the place.   we're trying to fit more of kaela's stuff in my closets.   she's officially moving out of albany.   josh'll be all pissy if we have her stuff in the living room, but he can't complain 'bout what i have in my closets, u know?   it's good to donate stuff.   kaela warmed up some dwaejimuhri n' cooked some baechu.   we ate a small dinner, n' then we went over to darlene's to pass out presents.   brandie, laura, joon, darlene, deanna, n' mikey were there.   then i drove us all out to jack london cinemas to watch what women want.   jefflyn n' supermike joined us there.   the movie theatre was far from crowded on this winter weeknite.   it was a pretty funny movie, discussing gender/sex/relationship issues.   'twasn't a really deep movie, just a funny flick.

well, 2nite, san jo.   the plan is that after werk, i'll swing by berkeley n' albany, put some of her stuff in my car, pick up our stuff to go home...   phil'll come w/ us to san jo 2nite.   then 2morrow morning, kaela'll drive phil down to socal from san jo.   i'll stay up here.

[now it's the 19th.   i usually don't do this, split a journal entry over 2 days, but i gotta in this case...] so thurs nite, i was thinking of going to taekwondo werkout.   i left werk, n' i was so hungry.   instead of werking out, i sorta did the opposite, n' the beautiful kaela kang n' i went to hotboxcity to eat a buncha meat, seafud, n' sushi. ... [beno interrupts this journal entry to talk 'bout other junk...] whoa! i just won a quantum atlas 10k 36.4 gb ultra 160 hard drive on y! auctions.   whoa!   i got it 4 'bout the price of a 18 gb drive... whoa...   i was pretty shocked!   'gain i had a bidding war like that ebay time, but this time i won.   whoa! dang, this is so much cheaper than buying it retail... 'course it's a li'l used, but it's still so cheap!   whoa... [k, beno returns u to ur regularly scheduled broadcasting.] 'twas my 1st time @ hot pot w/ kaela.   we tried tea eggs, which neither of us had ever had.   kaela had finished her public health finals on thurs, 2 of them in 1 day.   now all she had left was her spanish final.   on fri, during my lunchbreak, i met kaela in albany n' we ate @ tsing tao on solano.   that nite, we were s'pposed to go clubbing @ k2@s.factory.   we were running kind'a late, so the other ppl in our party sed they'd go 'head w/o us.   @ that pt. we just figured we'd do something else.   we were all dressed up, so i took kaela to skates on the bay 4 cockatiels... no, cocktails! n' appetizers.   it's really fun to do this stuff, i think... like the time @ the metreon's montage.   it feels nice to be w/ a beautiful gurl in a dimly lit room.   it feels groovy.   afterwards, 'twas 2 late to go o...

[now it's the 20th.]   as u can c, life is sorta bizzy.   i guess if i life is bizzy, u don't have time to report on it...   neway... lemme continue to try to catch up w/ life: sat... well, s.mike came in!   i picked him up from sfo 'round 1120a.   his flight came in early.   altho' jefflyn sed they'd put him up 4 his visit, he wanted to check into the nicest hotel in emeryville 4 a weekend, so that he could werk on some werk stuff in private in a nice place.   he had made reservations @ 4 pts.   i showed him courtyard, but 'tisn't open yet.   i brought him to the woodfin suites hotel.   wow, it's nice.   the service was very polite, i mean kissbutt polite.   the concierge andré sed he'd do nething 4 s.mike, n' s.mike believed he's gay.   kaela drove out to emeryville to join us.   we called jefflyn earlier, n' jefflyn, andy, roland, n' peter chung (jeff's ex.roomie) came out to emeryville.   s.mike treated us out to lunch @ hk east ocean.   i was starving; the fud was great.   after our long lunch, kaela n' i hung out w/ s.mike in his suite.   he was s'pposed to werk.   kaela studied, but then i drove s.mike out to berkeley to pick up darlene.   jason had called earlier to give his sales pitch on 2by2.net, n' tried to get me to go to the 2by2.net seminar.   darlene was going.   they're all involved w/ that, along w/ sam lee.   i wanted to support jason, but i didn't wanna go to a seminar 4 some program i had no interest in joining.   i already have sponsor links 4 my webpage, n' i didn't hafta pay $250 4 them.   here r jason's n' sam's 2by2.net pages, in case u wanted to c them.   after jason picked up darlene, since s.mike wasn't going to get ne werk done n' was just watching cable, we went downstairs n' borrowed my life as a dog from the hotel's complimentary video library.   'twas a dubbed version.   i don't like dubbed versions, but i realised that if it had subtitles, i dunno if it'd've kept s.mike's attention as well.   he loved the movie.   i strongly encourage all of u to watch it.   my dad brought me to camera 3, the sj arthouse theatre, to watch it a long time 'go.   it's a great swedish movie 'bout a horny li'l boy.   we didn't finish watching it when jefflyn n' andy showed up.   we all crammed into my forester n' drove off to ebisu.   sushi n' dimsum in 1 day?   what kind of hedonistic gluttons r we?!   jeff ordered a small bottle of hot sake, n' s.mike got sorta drunk off of just 2 shots, if that's what u call those li'l glasses.   whoa!   1 of the specialty rolls kaela n' i shared was called june 29.   i asked the waitress why 'twas called that, but she sed she'd tell me later.   then she told me 'tis called "june 29" cos the guy who invented it was named jun.   but then why the 29?   later i asked, then she sed the guy's b.day is june 29.   huh?!   so the guy's name is jun n' his b.day is june 29?   hrm... ok.   neway, 'twas all good sushi.

sun, i got up early n' drove out to emeryville to join s.mike as his guest @ woodfin suites hotel's complimentary breakfast buffet.   jefflyn, roland, andy, n' peter joined 2.   they were planning to go wall climbing.   the breakfast was great.   then i drove s.mike out to oakland chinatown where he had to use the atm n' buy a boba tea.   i wanted to go to the lucky goldfish to look @ the parrotlet.   oh, i didn't mention...   kaela told me on fri that she wanted to get me a parrotlet (n' cage) 4 christmas.   but i told her it wouldn't be a good idea cos of the josh apt. situation... but i definitely would want it later.   *sigh* it's 2 bad i can't have it now...   neway, i dropped s.mike back off @ his hotel n' went home.   later s.mike called me to ask us to come to emeryville to meet up w/ laura n' him @ the public market fud ct.   we went n' met up w/ s.mike, brandie, laura, n' joon.   i was to go to master yoon's house 4 a taekwondo mtg @ 730p, but sam called n' told me 'twas pushed back till 800p.   i wasn't sure if 'twas a dinner thing or what, so i ate a li'l snack, samosas.   i rushed out of there, picked up sam, n' hurried over to hayward.   jason, linda, kevin, sam, n' i went to master yoon's house.   we met his wife n' sons.   master yoon showed us his collection of martial arts awards n' memorabilia.   wow, 'twas like a museum!   he's got a very nice house n' family.   his wife cooked us a huge dinner: bulgogi, japchae, etc.   we discussed lots'a ucmap taekwondo bizness.

mon, whoa... finally catchin' up... sorta.   mon, kaela had her spansih final, then she came out to berkeley, n' we had lunch in san rafael @ korea house, which we bychance discovered.   'tis a so.so korean restaurant that apparently has a consistent group of non.korean regular clients.   we had haemuljjigae n' maewoondalk, but the meal wasn't nething really special. 'twas just surprising to c a korean bizness in marin cty that wasn't a dry cleaners or sorabol.   kaela cooked dinner that nite, but i didn't like the batch of rice i made.   'twas 2 hard/dry.   w/ my fuzzy cooker, i always ought to put in extra h2o.   we watched tv n' i cleaned out my room.   i'm going to donate tons of old clothes.   i really gotta get rid of junk here...

tues, we had a pizza party @ my werk 4 a departing programmer.   he was the 1st guy to greet me on my 1st day @ werk.   he 1nce offered to give me 2 parakeets that he couldn't take care of nemore.   maybe i should've taken them.   tues was last nite, huh?   whoa.   last nite, kaela cooked haemuljjigae, shiitake mushrooms, n' pangrilled fish.   joon, roland, n' laura came over to eat.   roland brought some see's candies.   then phil came over.   yup, phil's in town!   u know... kaela's really taking care of a lot these days.   i really appreciate it.

2day is kaela n' beno's 11th monthversary! ... [later] kaela came to cm, n' we went to the mall.   we ate crepes 4 lunch.

so after trying 4 that hard drive on ebay, i left the public health lounge w/ the beautiful kaela kang.   she bought me dinner @ 168; yummy stuff.   the power was out in my apt bldg.   i drove, trying to find a place 4 kaela to study.   'twas raining.   she studied in my car, parked @ the west entrance to campus.   then we tried to go back to my apt.   the outside n' hallway lights werked, but the individual units still didn't have power.   we had to light candles.

last nite, when i was in the car, i read a daily cal.   i read an article 'bout black frats n' sororities, 'nother on a "whitewashed" asian gurl in an asian sorority, an article on the quality of tap water, n' ryan sim's column.   now there's some topics!   i c that the daily cal saved its best pieces 4 the end of the semester.   maybe they're trying to win some collegiate journalism prize.   i don't think the daily cal is all that up there relative to other collegiate papers.   neway, some interesting topics: yes, the ethnic greek system subject, very intersting.   tap h2o quality, definitely a topic 4 ex.ebmud engineer beno.   n' the column?   well, 'twas just interesting to read... it's like this guy has his own web journal, but his gets printed n' distributed in the daily cal, just like when phil had his own column there...   ah, if only i could share w/ u those days when phil had a daily cal column...   maybe u can click to read: "stranger than fiction" (08.09.96), "a question of trust" (07.26.96), "independent's day" (07.05.96) "the new college try" (06.21.96), or "the metaphorical truth" (06.07.96).   now that's how a column should be!   u kids these days don't know nuthin' 'bout writing columns!   ha ha, just kidding... butchu know?   it's weird to think that was 1996... man, that's not so recent, huh?

i'm sitting in the public health skool lounge to the right of the beautiful kaela kang, on a 'puter, waiting to bid on ebay.   wow, this is semi.exciting.   i gotta get this hard drive, 16 mins to go.   so... whatsup?   last nite, i went to practice.   i practiced lots'a basics.   i gotta bone up on basics since i'll be teaching next semester.   n' bone i will!   that was in last nite's lord of the flies simpsons.   dooduhdoo...   i'm letting the clock wind down: 14m55s.   neway, after practice, since i couldn't get ahold of kaela, i went w/ laura to buy groceries to take over to albany, so she, brandie, kaela, n' i could eat.   we bought fud from solano safeway; we had chips n' salsa, a chicken n' safeway japanese veggies stirfry... 'twas a random assortment.   brandie warmed up a baby frozen pizza. 12m.

so didju go out n' buy the nudist on the late shift n' read the whole thing yet?   when u do, tell me all 'bout it, since i don't read much.   i'm very interested tho'.   almost 5m!   awright! i'm the current high bidder!   yah!   just gotta wait it out now... uh oh! bidding war! dang! i lost it @ the last sec!   stoopid win2k pull down menus w/ their stoopid delay!   argh!   oh well... i'll just hafta buy from ted via ken.   who knows, maybe i'll get it cheaper from him; but ted's not a really nice guy, u know? hrm...   ok, well, it's time to eat, now that this is over.   man, ebay's such a waste of time!   hrm... why play the bid to the last second game?   i think maybe it's worth doing auctions if u just bid a reasonable price n' wait to c if u won, instead of bidding till the last second.

i've never mentioned how much peanut butter i've been eating lately, huh?   yah, lots.   i keep a jar of peanut butter in my office desk, n' i eat peanut butter sandwiches now n' then.   sometimes it's my lunch; sometimes it's my breakfast; sometimes it's my late afternoon snack.   i've been eating lots'a peanut butter.   i always used to avoid peanut butter like crazy cos i thought 'twas unhealthy, but a while 'go men's fitness magazine discussed how it's sometimes not so bad, n' it has protein.   i bought low.fat peanut butter, 'course.

last nite there was a power failure in my building.   i guess there were numerous power failures 'round berkeley... 'round the state, 'ccording to the news.   yah, there's this electricity shortage in cali.   neway, i was hoping to go to the rsf last nite, but i didn't, altho' the rsf had power.   since the beautiful kaela kang couldn't study in the dark, i took her out to get fud n' study.   we ate @ party sushi, which has these masks on the walls as decorations.   ppl describe the masks as "disturbing."   yah, they can be.   then we went to borders in emeryville, where kaela studied, n' i just sat 'round.   i guess i could'a done some christmas shopping, huh?   man, what's gonna happen?   sometimes i'm such a lousy christmas shopper! *sigh*

as i mentioned yesterday, i'm trying to save money here n' there.   i know i spend 2 much.   i "live above [my] means," as ed park'd say.   i gotta cut back spending.   hrm...   but @ the same time i'm trying to do christmas shopping.   so i'm, like, shopping 'round, trying to find good prices on stuff, but then i'm just plain shopping more, so i'm more likely to buy stuff i don't need to buy, u know?   geez.   young ppl do know how to waste money, huh?   i was reading a li'l of the nudist on the late shift: and other true tales of silicon valley while @ borders.   'tis an interestig book, n' u might wanna check it out.   'tis by po bronson, n' published by random house.   it's 'pparently very popular n' a best seller, so maybe u've heard of it, since u prob'ly read more books than i do.   neway, it talks 'bout life/lifestyles in the silicon valley, 'bout famous silicon valley technocelebrities...   *sigh* it's funny, cos i don't really live the silicon valley life, but i am a bay area engineer.   i live in berkeley n' werk in marin cty, so well... hrm... just how much do i relate?   the book talks 'bout how wanted engieers r in silicon valley.   yah, maybe.   i c job postings all the time 4 positions in silicon valley, but i don't wanna werk in silicon valley.   i like visiting the sobay, but *sigh* i don't wanna commute down 237 or up 101 every morn!   plus, kaela's still in grad skool n' all...   yah, that book really emphasized how much engineers r wanted in the valley... hrm... sorta made me think 'bout my career path.   the book also brought up a great point, that money isn't respected in the silicon valley... hrm... well... that's not quite it... it's like ppl throw it 'round cos they don't know how to spend it.   it sed something 'bout ppl w/ distastefully unfashionable furniture... n' then the author gives this explanation... let's say ur office had a football betting pool, n' u got a free ticket to bet.   well, let's say u don't know much 'bout football n' don't even like it, so u just check off a bunch of random teams...   is it that u have poor judgement?   no! it's just that u don't care!   so the author's saying that money isn't spend gaudily cos ppl have bad taste, but cos it comes so easily.   but then... money itself isn't respected... ppl w/ lots'a money rn't respected.   something like that.   it's a really interesting book.

i can sorta relate to that pt 'bout money.   i c it in ppl 'round me n' maybe i c it in myself... like, u don't want to be this rich ba$tard that is all greedy n' hordes money... (money = evil.)   but then u have a job, n' they pay u money... so what do u do w/ it?   yah, so u got this temptation just to dump it all somewhere, spend recklessly.   it's sort've a spiritual cleansing... ha ha.   *sigh*   but seriously! i think ppl of my generation, (whatever that may be), can be like that...

well, so me, i'm trying to c where i can pinch a penny here n' there... no, i'm not trying to turn into a scrooge or even make a big deal 'bout it, but it's 'bout time i took a step back n' re.evaluated my budget.   i'll tell u, i've definitely tried not to spend money @ lunch, since i know we've been eating out @ nite so much these days.   *sigh* but it's like s.mike sed back when he was here: if u get paid so much per hour as an engineer, is it more worth ur time to cook or to let some1 else (whom u've paid) spend their time cooking 4 u?   eh! but i never agreed s.mike on that issue.   that's not the right way to think, i figured.   u don't subtract the time spent cooking from the hours u'r paid to be an engineer; u subtract them from the hours that u'r not paid, ur free hrs.   *sigh* but those free hrs cm so precious sometimes...   yah, sometimes cooking, setting up the meal, planning the meal, n' cleaning up can be so stressful, especially w/ my apt situation... *sigh* so i dunno.

well, i hope i wrotechu an acceptable journal entry.   this cms to be just 'bout what i figure i want my typical journal entries to be like... i talk 'bout my life, i talk 'bout something i heard/read, i talk 'bout other ppl's perspectives, i talk 'bout my opinions on other ppl's perspectives... n' i let u know what's up in my life.   i figure that's 'bout right.   i dunno; what'chu think?

it's not officially winter yet.   it is, however, officially jerome's 21st b.day, so happy b.day jerome.   ha ha.   we had fun @ the party on sat, n' 'twas kewl of him n' micah to put it 2gether.   well, yesterday, was cold.   2day is cold n' rainy.   yesterday, i took the beautiful kaela kang to christmas in the park in san jo.   'twas fun.   well, actually, we just coincidentally ended up @ christmas in the park.   we went to san jo to do some other things.   we were waitig 4 ken.   we ate an early dinner @ point, the korean place on el camino.   actually, we were trying to go to a soondae restaurant, but 'twasn't open.   then we drove 'round n' found christmas in the park.   'twas kewl, lots'a stuffed bears n' christmas trees.   i hope the stuffed bears do ok in the rain.   'twas good to c ken.   i'm thinking: how can i save money here n' there?

so jerome n' micah's party was kewl!   we started @ micah's place.   it started to really fill up.   but i wanted to mingle n' stuff, so i threw on the old benomix2 wintermusik.   i was just 'bout the get back to live djing when the cops came n' gave us our "official warning."   then a taekwondo student volunteered a room @ the american baptist seminary of the west 4 the party.   we moved the whole party over there.   it's right 'cross from my place.   micah lives a block 'way from me.   it was so easy to move stuff.   so we set the party back up, n' i deejayed.   i was saving good songs 4 later, but then some1 affiliated w/ the seminary came n' shut us down.   oh well, we tried.   the party actually went on 4 quite a while.   'twas really fun.   the beautiful kaela kang was very beautiful in her outfit, n' she had that shiny maroon jacket that her aunt gave her.   i like!   n' 'twas a b.day party 4 jerome, so we gave him his vcr b.day present.   i hope he likes it.

my g.book was messed up 4 a while.   it's still not what i want it to be, but i temporarily fixed it.   the htmlgear ppl r now limiting what their users can do, i guess; they dumbed down their g.books quite a bit.   it sucks.   i'll look 4 a new place to have my g.book, but till then this is it.   don't be afraid to sign it; i don't insult all my g.book visitors, just that 1 particular loser... whatever!   neway, i guess i'm deejaying jerome n' micah's big taekwondo party 2nite.   yah, it should be a fun party.   i told jerome tho', we can expect it to get shut down by cops.   almost all the house parties i djed in berkeley got shut down by cops.   old ppl who live nearby always call the cops 'bout noise.   they never understand this is a college town.   but then 'gain, it's finals time now, so even some young'uns might call the cops on the party.   who knows.   'course werk's been bizzy.   last nite, the beautiful kaela kang cooked us kkorikomtang.   i found the recipe on korean yahoo!   it was a good dinner.   then i got to burning some of kaela's napster mp3s to cd.   i ate lunch 2day @ dave's tacqueria w/ my cowerker chris.   [later] k, this journal entry isn't really going newhere, so i'll just leave it @ this.

i'm s'pposed to deejay this big taekwondo party 2morrow nite that jerome n' micah r putting 2gether.   hrm... i hope ppl don't mind if i just sort'a play it chill n' just play whatever i want cos i'm not totally ready to deejay, but i'm gonna do it.   i mean, i'm not totally up to cater to a party as if i were deejay 4 "customers," but i don't mind deejayig 4 friends, playing whatever i got.   i'm thinking of actually buying some cds 2nite.   u know, lately i've been mostly dling mp3s, n' only buying a korean cd now n' then from angelpop.   i guess that's what the recording industry is afraid to hear, huh?   man, but look @ me, i've given the recording industry more than my fair share of money in my days!   frick, have u cn how many cds i've wasted money on in my yrs as a deejay?   really, tho', i'm all 4 napster, mp3s, n' free internet distribution of mp3s.   'merica's got 2 much legal this, legal that, n' ppl r 2 lazy to find better ways to make a living...   well, hrm... is that what i really mean?   well, 'tis like this: a "recording artist," (which is not the same as an actual musician) needs to make a recorded product that is marketable... like the whole package!   i mean, if an album is such a good collection of music n' is a good product overall... has a good album cover, this n' that... then of course, i'll buy it instead of downloading it from the net.   but if a recording artist tries to get by by just having 1 good song, then yah, i'd rather dl his/her 1 song from the net.   in my time, i have bought tons of cd5s, or "maxi.singles" as u may say.   as a dj that uses cds, i'll say that these r very useful to me: i can reach 4 a cd n' have exactly the song i want n' my choice of mixes 4 that song.

i'm trying to plan this ucmap taekwondo snowtrip.   it's s'pposed to be big.   i'm considering it a trip to share snowboarding w/ all sorts'a taekwondo friends who have never gone snowboarding b4.   it's not gonna be a real hardcore snowboarding trip 4 me, i guess... i know jefflyn don't like the idea of boreal cos it's not this hardcore downhill resort... but u know, i'm gonna be relieved to get back to park/pipe riding after all the downhill i did last season.   i'm a freestyle boarder, not a freerider!   but i guess i got a good taste of downhill speed riding, 'specially w/ dave.   so, in the end, if we go to boreal, maybe this will be a hardcore snowboarding trip 4 me.   like, actually riding the park is often better 4 beno... like, i can't bring beginner friends down some steep cliff of a run! but i can sorta let semi.beginners ride w/ me in the park @ boreal, as long as they don't hurt themselves... u know?   well, i guess it depends on which park n' how they made it this yr.   i do want to be able to spend some time this season improving my own snowboarding skills.

yesterday, i got my tornado.   ken n' nelson used to praise tornados, but now they say that they don't do 2 much unless u have some monster truck or something... like i guess it werks better w/ big engines... as in big volume engines.   that would make plenty of sense.   i got a 2.5l under my hood.   i got my oil changed; i dropped my car off @ albany ford subaru.   then kaela drove us to walnut creek, where she did some christmas shopping @ broadway plaza.   she bought some cute stuff 4 her pregnant supervisor's soon.to.be kids @ gymboree.   that store sure has cute stuff.   we went to the ghiradelli store there.   it's an express version of ghiradelli sq, i guess.   we ate @ cpk, cali4nia pizza kitchen.   we had shrimp spring rolls, a white balsamic provencal salad, n' a tandoori chicken pizza.   the pizza was good w/ the chalula hot sauce.   i was worried the mexican flavour wouldn't mix w/ the indian flavour, but actually the sauce made the pizza taste more indian, imho.   well, after dinner, we picked up my car n' went home.   then i installed my tornado.   the nite b4, i werked on my 'puter; late nite, i werked on my car...   always something to do, huh?

[slightly later] oh, i 4got to metion!   yesterday nite, ken showed me how to do text messaging 4 verizon cellfons!!!!   go to http://www.app.airtouch.com/text_messaging/gca.html.   a'ight; have fun!

[quite a bit later] kaela came n' had lunch w/ me in corte madera.   she took me out to lunch!   it was a late n' rushed lunch.   she's going to make kkorikomtang, oxtail soup, 2nite.

so i've been thinkin' 'bout getting all the netwerk stuff 4 my 'puter n' that of the beautiful kaela kang.   i mean, if we're gonna have 2 'puters in the same room, might as well netwerk 'em, right?   i spent last nite trying to hook up my u160 scsi card.   my old hd didn't cm to want to cooperate 2 well w/ it tho'.   i ended up switching back to my old scsi card.   i guess when ken gives me my new hd n' when my new plextor cd reader comes in, i'll need to use the u160 card, so i'll hook it up then.   'least i tried it out n' am a li'l familiar w/ the bios n' stuff like that.   heh, man... look @ me spewing all this technogarbage!   frick.   *sigh*   no, i'm a simple guy who lives in a handbuilt log cabin by the lake!

last nite, kaela n' i ate jjajangmyuhn @ yeitnal jjajang, a good simple meal.   then i played w/ my 'puter stuff.   i was s'pposed to go to werkout last nite!   nuts.   i woke up this morning n' my ankle was so sore.   i dunno why.   i haven't werked out since last week.   i wore an ankle brace 2day.   i had a dream this morning that i was skateboarding in san jose.   i was riding down camden ave. by the almaden library.   there was this fud stand thingy, like a roach coach.   it had a shelf w/ condiments.   i did a ollie backside 270 mute tailplant on the shelf then jumped back to the sidewalk.   the guy werking @ the fud stand like it so much he gave me free fud... i 4get what.   i guess i was younger in the dream, a kid.   2 other kids started picking on me, n' we got into a fight.   violent dream!   many taekwondo friends have told me they have had violent dreams n' woke up kicking.   i've had those.   man, skateboarding n' taekwondo fighting... no wonder i woke up w/ a sore ankle.

i'm gonna drop my car off 4 an oil change n' go christmas shopping w/ kaela.   offline christmas shopping!

i'd really like to get back to posting dine.com reviews.   i still gotta do xanadu, allegrias... n' a whole bunch'a other places.   i haven't been to san jo in a long time.   i e.mailed ken yesterday, but he hasn't replied.   i really need to know if he's got my hard drive yet.   well, i also really need that hard drive.   yesterday, i reinstalled win2k on my 'puter.   oh, n' i moved the beautiful kaela kang's monitor into my room n' hooked up my 'puter.   so now her 'puters totally not in the kitchen, so well... tsss... that whole josh mess...   neway...   i was thinking this weekend, what do i want 4 christmas?   well, since kaela asked me.   but i really can't think of many material things...   i'm relatively content w/ life, right?   i mean, lately i get stressed 'bout this n' that... kaela's finals get me stressed; she's stressed.   but i try to have us both just focus hard on her cute, fuzzy, black mittens from old navy, n' all our troubles disappear, u know?   the only thing i can think of wanting is a nice, new place to live.   but that's not really something i can get.   i was always hoping that the next place i move into'd be a place i bought.   hrm...   well, we'll c if i can hold out that long.   @ dinner last nite, jeff cmed confident that i had 'nuff money to put down a down payment on a place, based upon dave's deal w/ his condo.   linda also bought a condo; i wonder how much she paid 4 hers.   but they both live 2 far south or southeast 4 what i'd want, i think.

yesterday, after i picked up kaela, we were s'pposed to go move her car in albany.   we saw jefflyn n' roland in the thai noodle restaurant, n' they saw us n' called us up n' invited us to join them.   of course!   we joined them, n' i had some sorta bland thai soup noodles w/ pigmeat n' fishcake n' fishballs.   the soup noodles were sort'a bland but the company n' conversation were just right.   it was good to c jefflyn n' roland n' dine w/ them.   we loitered 4 a long time.   then kaela n' i took roland home n' checked out his apt.

i 4got to mention that i'm going to be teaching the white belt taekwondo class next semester, huh?   of course, check out ucmap.org 4 the details in enrolling in the class!   it's good timing cos my 1 of my 1st students rosalie just tested 4 her 1st dan black belt.   so it's time 4 me to start raising a whole new generation, right?   ha ha.   ha ha.   well, the class is tu/th 730-900p in the rsf.   yah, come join!   it's 'bout time i taught 'gain.   it's good 4 me to 1) werk on basics n' 2) werk on teaching skills.   every1 should be a teacher of something sometime in life.   i guess i'll look 4 a big boombox like supermike's, so i can have musik in class now n' then.

dang, man... i was typing out this journal entry, got pretty far; then ocf frickin' crashed n' lost it...   dang...   neway, i'll try to type it 'gain.   so... uh... shoot... u know how hard it is to retype something that got lost on the net!   neway, 'tis sun morning 'right now, but now it's sun noon...   man, well, that part got messed up now.   well, it's been a full weekend, a fun weekend so far.   n' i guess i have my possibilities of what i can do: i can just relax, i can go down to milpitas to pick up my hard drive from ken, i can clean up this place, i can go christmas shopping... but i can't practice taekwondo this afternoon cos the hapkido club is having their promotional tests, as we hads ours yesterday.

well, the weekend started out on fri, as weekends tend to do.   i werked a full day's werk.  ppl had no particular plans 4 the nite.   some ppl went to the rsf either to help linda n' jason practice 4 the pan.am games, or to help students get ready 4 the promotional tests, or else just to practice cos they themselves had a promotional test.   well, i drove back to berkeley from werk, picked up the beautiful kaela kang from starbucks, went to any mtn. to pick up my snowboard that i had dropped off there 4 base repairs.   we saw jefflyn drive by n' park.   i knew they must'a gone to eat @ kirala.   i knew that would'a been a good option 4 us 2, if only we already had a spot on the always long waiting list.   yesterday, i found out a li'l secret from jeff, n' i guess i'll hook y'all up: u can actually call in a li'l in advance to putchurself on the list.   as far as i know, u still can't make reservations, but this is good 'nuff since every1 knows that kirala's the best japanese restaurant in the east bay.   n' if only ebisu wasn't 'round, ppl'd say that kirala's the best japanese restaurant in the whole bay area, as i do.   but then 'gain, i still gotta give ebisu a 2nd shot n' just order sushi.   n' there's also that posh posh sushi place in downtown sf that i'll someday try, i guess.   we'll c.   neway, we drove home to drop off my snowboard, n' the whole time we were waiting to get fon calls from ppl.   we were hungry.   kaela suggested nepalese fud.   since i knew we needed to drive down solano to drop off her rent check, i figured kathmandu'd be the choice.   but then 'twas really crowded; n' neway, i wanted to get out of this 2 horse town n' go to the big city w/ tall buildings w/ lots'a christmas lights! (heh, 'course i only gest in calling berkeley a 2 horse town.   'course berkeley is kewl!)   neway, i also wanted to show kaela how fastrak werks.   so we went 'cross the bay bridge, got to avoid all sorts'a traffik thanks to fastrak.   my transponder beeped n' i sed my thank u.   we figured we'd eat n' watch a movie.   i knew bounce had opened.   kaela checked moviefon, n' the only place playing it was the metreon, that crazy, overpriced entertainment palace.   the movie was @ 1000p, so i knew we had li'l time.   we drove past thirsty bear brewing, since i knew we hadn't much time.   else yah, it would've been a good nite to try the tapas place that jefflyn n' cal always rave 'bout.   we parked, went to the metreon.   so what could we eat?   yah, i know there's the fud ct on the 1st floor... but hrm...   altho' we only had so much time, i wanted to try to take this hot chick to a li'l fancier place.   so we went upstairs to montage.   we told the maitre'd that we only had so much time, n' he was good 'nuff to suggest we just have a quick dinner in their cocktail lounge.   'twas a perfect idea cos i was thinking 'bout how much fun 'twas to eat in a nice cocktail lounge, like the time @ skate's that sandy, chals, n' i met up w/ master park b4 he left ucmap.   so we got to try a few small dishes: a garden weed salad, a spiced pumpkin asiago flatbread, n' ribs in hoisin sauce.   'twas good fud.   they burned the flatbread, so we sent it back, n' the 2nd 1 was pretty dark on the bottom 2.   but the waitress was nice, polite, n' attentive; n' kaela agreed it was fine i didn't like stiff her on the tip or nething.   so we watched bounce; interesting movie.   i think their relationship was a bit unhealthy tho'; n' ben affleck, as an actor, didn't convince me that he really loved gwyneth all that much.   [dang, i got kicked off my uc annex connection!   4got 'bout the time limit... dang, so i typed a whole bunch more, but it got lost! dang! but i'll try 'gain to retype...] ben affleck expressed emotion 'bout as well as keanu reeves usually does.   but i personally don't think keanu reeve's a bad actor, so i'm not saying ben affleck was that bad.   his best acting was in chasing amy tho'. gwyneth paltrow showed emotion well tho'.   whe's been taking more down.to.earth roles lately, huh?

the metreon: sony had this grand idea, but it really flopped right 'way.   maybe it tried to be 2 much.   but i think it's still a really glamourous, hip place.   it really brings big city class to soma.   everything's really overpriced, 'specially the parking, but it's a place where lots'a hip, young ppl hang, families play, yuppies dine n' drink...   'twas a good idea that flopped, but i think it still has some use.

sat morn, kaela drove my subaru n' dropped me off @ the rsf.   i judged the green/blue tests n' jacob's black stripe test.   we all watched joc, patrick, n' rosalie test.   i guess rosalie'll be the 1st of my students to become a black belt.   kaela came in n' watched the test.   'twas a really intense test, but all 3 did well.   the black belts went to koryo sootbool 4 an awesome dinner.   we had so much fud, so much meat: tons of bulgogi n' kalbi, roast gui, samgyuhbsal, yook hwe!!! yah, i think raw, dead animal is good.   n' since i knew joc likes raw meat n' since she just tested, i figured we should have some.   we had tons of meat.   1 big table complained they had no fud, n' i guess 'twas cos no1 spoke korean @ their table n' could order.   not that u can't order in english...   n' i thought leo prob'ly could speak korean.   but neway, they were so hungry, n' we were so full.   i ordered some fud 4 them cos garth cmed to be having so much trouble telling the waitress he wanted the stuff in the cow dish.   dr. min made some ppl sing, but he left pretty early.  'twas a really fun dinner.

then brandie dropped me off w/ kaela @ starbucks.   then we went over to andy's n' played liar's dice while others played virtual tennis n' other sega dreamcast games.   then we were s'pposed to go bowling, but 'twas 2 crowded, so we went to play games @ a bar called albatross on san pablo.   we played darts 4 a while.   we met bruce! brandie's bruce!   yah, he's a handsome fellow; good 4 brandie.   then dave, andy, jefflyn took off 4 home.   i dropped roland off.   joon, laura, kaela, n' i joined brandie, bruce, n' garth @ deanna n' darlene's.   later jason came over.   we ordered west coast pizza, watched tv, watched friday n' chilled.   it's been so long since i saw so many of the ppl i saw on sat.   'twas good to c them.   shoot, i even saw chals after all this time.   his hair's grown out a bit.

i got to use fastrak 'gain this morning.   when u pass thru the fastrak gate, ur fastrak "transponder" beeps a few times.   back when i'd be a normal ca$h or coupon paying customer @ the toll boothes, i always made sure to say, "hi," or "good morning," n' "thanks."   'member?   sometimes it'd really set the mood 4 the morning as i drove in to werk, 'specially when i used to drive 'cross the bay bridge.   u know, like, if the employee was rude or just muttered back, it wouldn't be as nice as if he/she cheerfully sed "good morning" back, u know?   well, now my fastrak transponder just beeps.   but i'll assume that's a cheerful beep.   maybe i'll say good morning back to my transponder.   hrm... so i should prob'ly put a happy face on it somehow 2.   hrm... then it'll have no choice but to look happy.   that sounds so sad, huh?   'lotta times burds have no choice but to look happy.   the shape of the beaks of budgies n' luvburds... when u look @ them from the front, it looks like they're smiling @chu.   but who knows if they're really happy or what.

so last nite the beautiful kaela kang n' i went to taekwondo practice.   'twas open werkout 4 the most part.   master yoon, raymond, n' i planned out the mlk, jr. weekend snowtrip.   this'll be kewl!   master yoon really wants us to go to boreal cos it's cheaper than northstar n' squaw.   we'll prob'ly go boreal 1 day n' northstar 'nother.   i don't so much mind.   all of the snowcrew these days wants to go to big resorts cos of downhill boarding...   i didn't use to like downhill boarding much @ all; i just wanted to ride the park n' pipe.   it's 'bout time i got back to those freestyle roots!   so it's good we'll go to boreal 'least 1 day.   it's cheap, n' it's mostly 'bout the park n' pipe...   but then u gotta deal w/ lots'a li'l snow grommets talking trash 'bout each other, just sitting @ the top of the park, pretending they'll do a run, but just sitting there all day.   that's no good.   but i hope it'll be fun.   after practice, a few of us went to durant ghetto: brandie, laura, johnny, joon, kaela, n' me.   patrick joined us.   we went to mandarin house 2ice this week.   r we gonna do nething 2nite or what?   'member the smell of fresh cut grass?   how it smelled when i'd run 'round, playing soccer?   it's been a while.   i used to always play soccer as a kid.

while in chino n' watching tons o' tv, i saw oscar delahoya sing.   wow, isn't that the glamourous life?   this guy's a world class boxer n' a somewhat successful pop singer.   that pretty much sums up "coolness," the kind usually reserved 4 japanese anime characters, right?   but i guess sports stars who cross into musik isn't all that new; u got basketball players who rap, etc.   but i'm not much of a basketball fan.

so last nite, i picked up the beautiful kaela kang from werk, n' then we made soondooboo @ home.   i used my new sanyo neurofuzzy rice cooker 4 the 1st time.   it took a while to make rice, but wow!!!   this rice was so fluffy n' delicious!   i dunno if i'd ever had rice so good!   wow!   so i guess the cooker's worth it.   we ate soondooboo, rice, n' all sorts of banchan from home.   we finished watching palwol uy christmas on vcd.   we started watching that a while 'go.   it's a tragic love story 'bout a terminally ill guy who owns a foto store n' a traffic cop woman.   it's very artistic.   after dinner, i drove out to the oakland main post office to send off my traffic court papers.

life is 'bout right.   i don't feel depressed, but i still have things to take care of.   u know?   it's a balance of good n' bad.   i'm happy to have my rice cooker that makes delicious rice.   i used fastrak 4 the 1st time this morning, n' it saved me many precious minutes.   technology is wonderful, n' i am absolutely opposed to cell fon bans or ne such proposed legislation.   true, driving n' talking can be bad... but the solution isn't to ban cellfons, it's to get ppl to drive less.   u know that?   1 of america's biggest probs is that americans drive 2 much.   there ought to be better public transportation... but that's obviously.   u know... i usually figure america could benefit from copying 'lot of what asia n' europe does.   neway, technology is good n' progress is good.   oh, u know... while @ ontario mill, we went to their vans skatepark... man! san jo skaters r so much better... *sigh*   it's true!   i can't wait to go snowboarding 'gain a.s.a.p.!   sat's the taekwondo promotional test.   there might be a party afterwards.   i'm thinking 'bout visiting san jo on sun; i dunno.

[later] i saw my rice cooker on.line on sale 4 $175.   whoa! that's almost $100 over what i paid 4 it!   i got a free set of rice/soup bowls...

"be naked n' be free," i sed to my bush's baked beans beandoggy as i removed it's t.shirt.   oftentimes, it's best that stuffed animals just don't wear clothes.   sometimes it's ok, sometimes it's not.   the beautiful kaela kang ordered this bush beandoggy, n' i got it out of my office mailbox 2day.   it's cute, brown, n' full of beans.

last nite, 'twas good to c many friends after the t.giving break.   we got to taekwondo practice later than usual cos we thought it'd be just open werkout.   upes! jason han was leading class.   we joined in.   'twas a good werkout, n' i appreciate jason's leading class more than he knows.   i felt a li'l out of shape.   i really wish i could practice more often, like b4, when i'd go every nite.   it's really important to me.   well, there was some open werkout, so kaela n' i reviewed lots'a poomsae.   then we had a uc open mtg.   i'm confused as to whom i'm s'pposed to consider my official co.head... argh.   well, kaela n' i considered going home n' cooking soondooboo since i got the new neurofuzzy juhngi bapsot, but the idea of hanging out w/ friends was 2 tempting.   we hadn't cn these friends in a while: brandie, johnny, jerome, joon...   so we went to durant fud ghetto, ate @ mandarin house.   'twas a good time.   after we dropped off johnny, kaela n' i went to party safeway.

[later]   so @ lunch, i drove all the way out to oaktown to take my in.person test 4 webtrafficschool.com.   back in august, on my way down to san jo 4 that week i had cad training, i got a speeding ticket.   my mom told me not to be 2 late...   *sigh*   neway, it was a really dumb ticket; i wasn't going that fast.   neway, i finished taking care of traffic skool 2day.   phew.   but i wasted my whole lunch hr going to oakland, this n' that.   u know, yesterday, @ werk, i had to make some fotocopies.   when i opened the machine to put down the original, i found a cowerker's invoice 4 some sextoys...   hrm...   yah, what wouldju do?   i just took it off the glass n' put it ontop of some reams of paper on the ground.   but man... isn't that an odd situation?   oh, i didn't tell u 'bout when i bought 2 pairs of pants n' 2 shirts @ structure in brea mall, i got a free structure watch.   so now i wear a watch, even tho' i usually don't like to wear watches.   i used to always wear a watch; i'd feel naked w/o it.   but they'd give me rashes, so when i got a pager, i stopped wearing watches.   but now, i'm wearing a watch 'gain.   i'll try not to be so attached to wearing 1 tho'.   i'd rather be able to survive w/o 1.   i'm back to taking vitamins.   after running out of the 1.a.day vitamins i got from costco a while 'go, i didn't buy ne more till a coupl'a days 'go when i bought some @ safeway during my lunchbreak.   here's some good reading from y! 'bout asian america: "author explores asians in u.s."   some of my non.american readers might not fully understand ethnicity in america.   this article gives a good, brief overview of some asian.am issues.   n' it's a good, well thought out article article by an in4med, educated writer.   i'm not sure if he's asian or not, but he definitely knows a thing or 2 'bout asian america, u know?

[later] i got my fastrak transponder 2day!   wow, all sorts'a stuff is coming in.   yah, now i can cross bay area bridges w/o looking 4 dollar bills.   but this also means, that if i drive, i automatically am the 1 paying 4 the toll... unless ppl just give me donations.   i wonder if the fastrak ppl ever thought 'bout those implications; that the driver now automatically is the 1 paying when a group of friends crosses a bridge.

[later] i got to use fastrak 2ice 2day cos i went to sf to pick up some filter cubes... optical filters.   man, why r toby's concerts always @ times when i can't make it?!   i feel bad cos i kept telling him to rejoin the octet, n' i haven't gone to ne of his shows.

when i was running to gate 85 of lax to try to catch that ual flight out to sfo, i was carrying my new rice cooker in the plastic bag it came in.   the bag also had the free 4 bowl set i got 4 making a purchase over $60.   but the handles of the bag cut off circulation to the end of my index finger, so it was numb 4 a while.   i'm just now starting to feel it 'gain.   weird, huh?   neway, last nite, after werk, i picked up the beautiful kaela kang, n' i took her to 168, n' we ate dinner.   'twas fun, n' kaela had printed out some 411 on parrotlets, so we read 'bout them.   i wondered if this guy i saw was vic yip who lived w/ me n' phil in our foothill suite frosh yr.   dunno.   'twas a lazy, nite.   these days, i werk late, n' i do more werk... it's like the days when i werked 4 ebmud @ the orinda water treatment plant.   things were pretty bizzy, no time to write e.mail.   it's ok, tho'.   i'm glad i'm getting used to this kind of werklife.   but i used to goof off more, n' goofing off is enticing, right?   it sounds like fun, n' it is, i guess.   i bought vitamins @ safeway yesterday, when i went during my lunchbreak.   vitamins r good 4 me.

well, i have many things to say but very li'l time to say it.   i'm here @ werk late, but i wanna bust outta here a.s.a.p. n' pick the kaela kang up from her werk.  i wanna tell u 'bout how thanksgiving went n' all.   i hope u had a good thanksgiving... if u, the reader, celebrate thanksgiving...   i guess some of u rn't united states folk, so u rn't so into this whole thanksgiving day thing.   n' that's fine.   can u believe frickin' george w. bush is s'pposed to be our next president?   he's so stoopid!   sorry, but i absolutely am not 1 of those bay area democrats that r supposedly asking al gore to give up the fight.   there's nuthin' wrong w/ standing up 4 whatchu believe in, n' i'm glad al gore believes that the u.s. shouldn't have a stoopid president.   that's good.

neway, thanksgiving weekend!   uhm, i took wed off from werk, we flew down from sfo to lax on wed morning.   i drove the 3 of us (kaela, jeanna, me) to sfo, parked in long term parking, n' we sleepily took our united airlines flight down to lax.   mrs. kang picked us up from lax n' drove us home to chino.   we had such a sleepy day n' just sat 'round the house, watched tv, ate, etc.   late in the afternoon, kaela n' i went to costco n' sav.on.   that nite, mr. kang talked to me 4 a while, telling me 'bout his bizness plans n' life.

thurs, we went to kaju market.   we went to the cemetary to visit kaela's maternal grandmother.   then we went to rolling hills to have thanksgiving lunch/dinner w/ a whole bunch of kaela's relatives.   wow, 'twas a huge house filled w/ many, many, many relatives.   i met many relatives, n' *phew* boy, am i glad that i guess my insa was acceptable.   we ate fud.   it was a big party, lots'a fud, lots'a fun stuff... they had a pool table, all sorts'a toys, a whole bunch'a tvs... a piano... we played pool.   kaela tried on new clothes w/ all the women.   kids ran 'round all over the place.   they have a doggy named dukie.   then we had more fud 4 dinner.   later, we did noraebang, n' i sang a few songs.   i didn't think i would, but eh... why not?   then we left pretty late.   i might have dozed off a coupl'a times in the car.

neway, i'm trying to go thru this wrap.up really fast cos i wanna bust outta here...   fri, we went to todai buffet in puente hills n' had a disaster.   i was gonna pick up my todai v.i.p. card, but i never got 'round to it.   as soon as we sat down, a waitress somehow splashed chinese hot sauce all over us from a good distance away.   i dunno how it happened, but it was a big mess.   we had to deal w/ that.   it was a big ordeal.   the whole day was s'pposed to be this great outing that mr. kang had planned out.   he had all these maps printed out.   it was s'pposed to be a tour, n' we'd go to la korea town, so i could buy a rice cooker.   neway, we ate our lunch, then we went shopping 4 a shirt 4 jay cos the waitress ruined his, n' todai promised to buy him a new 1.   we went out to brea mall.   then we went back to puente hills to try to get a reimbursement, but the manager was gone.   then we went to korea town, where i bought a new fancy.schmancy rice cooker from kim's juhngi.   we stopped by some korean 'puter store, so mr. kang could buy those hangul stickers 4 his keyboard.   then we went home.   we watched lots'a tv.

sat, we went out to a big chinese buffet in chino.   then kaela n' i went shopping @ ontario mill n' brea mall.   we finally had our 1st real krispy kreme doughnuts!   well, we watched more tv.   we knew we only could get a li'l sleep cos we had an early flight.

sun, we had a big ordeal w/ united airlines cos they didn't let us on our flight cos they sed we were late, but we weren't! they just gave 'way our seats to standby passengers w/o giving us a fair chance.   jeanna went ahead on the flight we were supposed to board.   kaela n' i waited 4 the next, next flight to go home.   then we tiredly flew home.   then i showered, n' the 3 of us went to dimsum @ peony in oakland chinatown.   we shopped, n' looked @ all sorts'a burdies @ the lucky goldfish.   then we dropped jeanna off n' went to quikley, where we ran into ryan choi.   i was very surprised he remembered me.   sun nite, old friends called me: toby, supermike, n' phil.   i moved kaela's 'puter into my room cos i'm having probs w/ my 'puter.   so it's outta the kitchen...   i wonder if josh even really cares.   neway, i have much more to say, but i wanna get outta here, so i'll leave it @ this.   sorry.   yes, let's talk.   it's gonna be a fun n' bizzy holiday season.

i've had many canker sores lately.   can i discuss that?   it's cos of stress, huh?   but i feel better now.   but the canker sores still gotta go 'way.   i 'membered yesterday how the ortho n' the ortho assistants sed to rinse my mouth out w/ warm salt water if i got cuts from my braces.   i had braces from 6th to 8th grade.   i dunno why that'd help, but i did it 1nce.   i tried it yesterday @ werk.   it stung like crazy.   then i got used to the stinging.   then the sores didn't bother me so much.   is that the whole pt? to make it hurt so badly that u don't think 'bout the pain after u spit out the salt water?   i dunno.   or is it s'pposed to help in some other way?

well, last nite i took the beautiful kaela kang out to allegrias, as i sed i would.   lots'a yummy fud.   n' 'twas functional cos she got to talk 'bout it in her spanish presentation this morning.   we had all sorts'a goodies: tripe stew, snails n' clams stew, bunny rabbit stew, crab cakes, chopped up octopus on potatoes, n' a paella.   oh n' we had flan n' coffee.   'twas very good.   then we neoprinted in j.town.

2day @ lunch, after dropping off my mangaer @ the service station, i went shopping 4 a present 4 kaela's parents.   @ the mall, i pondered what to eat since i was so hungry.   i went to sorabol n' had kalgooksoo even tho' i expected it to be pretty bad.   i was right.   oh well.   'least now i can say i've been to sorabol in the corte madera mall.   i'm leaving 4 chino @ 920a 2morrow.   i thought 'twas 920p!   now i gotta skip werk, n' i was s'pposed to be @ a mtg 2morrow.   upes!   *sigh*   oh well...   the beautiful kaela kang has again graced my g.book.   yay!

[later] so i left off talking 'bout the g.book, n' i just saw that matt easton of the jenny thing signed it 2day.   some of u know the jenny thing; some of u r wondering, "who?"   well, i'll just hafta play their cd 4 u then, huh?   2 bad my closer and closer to less got stolen out of my car.   *sigh*   it's always cmed to me to be a very "winter" album.   i'll just hafta go to rasputin's pick up 'nother copy n' show u.

2day is the 10th monthversary 4 beno's being w/ the beautiful kaela kang.   she knows the plan 4 2nite.   since she's doing a report 4 her spanish class on spanish fud, i'm taking her to a spanish restaurant in sf.   this is the restaurant we thought 'bout going to last week; but things didn't werk out 2 well that day.   but 2day, in general, i feel so much better.   we had a good weekend in tahoe.   snowboarding always helps.   really.   i mean, hrm... i like best to go snowboarding n' do big jumps n' tricks.   but even if i have a whole weekend of just riding down the slopes, that even makes me feel better.

so we left on fri eve.   since i still had to pack, there was a li'l bit of panic, but it wasn't 2 bad.   we ended up leaving right on schedule.   jefflyn, roland, dave, jeff's old roommate jong, the beautiful kaela kang n' me...   i drove, dave drove.   the 2 cars met up @ the pinole in.n.out.   i had a free 2x2 from some ol' sweepstakes.   that was the 1st of many bad.4.me.fud meals of the weekend.   we made very good time!   wow!   i didn't know getting to south tahoe could be this easy!   i always avoided south tahoe n' opted 4 north tahoe cos i thought going to south tahoe was such a pain, but maybe not.   it was weird tho'; i had to drive past the site of the big spinout smashy smashy that happened almost 2 yrs 'go now... please refer to 01 february, 1999 "groundhog's eve."   on fri nite, i was following dave's civic on the twisty part of the 50.   then he passed this corolla, n' i was following the corolla, but i wanted to catch up to dave.   u know what? the next available passing lane just happened to be the passing lane where i got into my big accident.   *sigh* crazy!   so i was so tense as i passed the corolla 'round that tight turn.   phew...   crazy crazy!   well, the drive up went ok.

we had a big, greasy breakfast @ the mc yuk yuk's @ the "y."   that's the intersection of the 50 n' the 89.   i had the steak, egg, n' cheese bagel breakfast meal w/ orange hi.c.   man, what a filling breakfast.   i also bought a democratic donkey teeny beanie baby to prove i'm not a right wing fascist.   ha ha.   the cashier sed most ppl wanted the elephant.   well, ok... i guess that's the kind'a ppl the locals r.   heh.   well, in ne case all 3 r very cute, n' that's why a while 'go, i bought the whole set 4 kaela.   k, well, we were off to sierra@tahoe.   we had a full day.   man, i bought an adult ticket cos i figured i didn't want to go thru the hassle of pretending i'm 22 (4 a "young adult" ticket).   last season, @ northstar, i had to go thru so much embarassment to save a few bucks.   i might as well be like dr. eric johnson n' specifically ask 4 the "old adult" ticket.   only roland n' i got old adult tix.   even dave, my elder by 1 day, got the young adult ticket.   oh well.   'twas early season snow.   4 of 9 lifts were open.   i managed not to scratch my board.   i had a few li'l jumps, but there wasn't 'nuff snow 4 the resort to have ne big jumps.   i bailed 1nce when i sped up on a bank n' then, on my way down, i didn't c that there was a flat path cut into the bank, so i dug in.   if i knew the flat was there, i should'a just jumped over it.   the runs were really crowded n' full of all sorts'a nasty early season obstacles, trees, rocks, bare spots, etc.   by the end of the day i had a really sore left leg n' neck.   but 'twas all fun.   we went back to the cabin n' quickly showered.   oh yah, the nite b4, i got the crappy of 2 parking spots; i had to park atop a spilled garbage can.   un4tunately, in the morning, when i warmed up the car, the garbage bag melted onto part of my exhaust line.   so we had to smell burning plastic every so often.   neway, while most of us showered, jeff n' jong took dave's car to albertson's to buy some snacks, breakfast, n' a case of hefeweizen.   when they got back, we started watching happy gilmore, n' ate bananas n' kettle chips w/ hefeweizen.   then we took off to the hotels/casinos to find real dinner.   i asked kaela to drive cos i had just had a hefeweizen.   even tho' 'twas just 1, i figured it's better to be safe than sorry.   we ate @ harrah's american river cafe.   we gambled a li'l.   then we went home relatively early.   it felt so good to be early w/ all sorts'a things.   we went back, finished happy gilmore, n' went to bed early.

the next morn, sun morn, we decided to skip boarding n' just trek on home.   we had some sausages n' biscuits n' cinnabuns.   jeff n' i tried to make this piggy in a blanket biscuits.   they were ok, but we didn't do all that well.   then we left 4 home.   we stopped by vacaville to shop @ the adidas outlet.   then we went to the jelly belly factory in fairfield.   we took the tour.   it was uhm... so.so.   the factory doesn't have all that much to show.   'twas interesting 4 me to c the factory automation, but i'm sure most ppl don't notice "oh wow, they use yokogawa displays," n' stuff like that...   strangely, they focused so much on talkin' 'bout some sf dude who makes mosaics out of jelly bellies.   i guess he's a republican cos the only presidents he made mosaics of were reagan n' bush.   in fact, that whole company cmed really politically conservative.   i enjoyed sampling jelly bellies, 'specially the jalapeño 1 n' the tabasco cinnamon 1s.   i bought over a lb. of jelly bellies.   k, we did that tour thing, n' then we went home.   kaela returned her rental @ any mountain, n' i dropped my board off 4 base repair n' tune.   then the group tried to go to pho king in oaktown, but 'twas closed, so we went to a pho place on 10th st. in chinatown.   man, so much beef that weekend!   *sigh*   k, well, that was it!

i 4got to talk 'bout fri noon.   kaela, cos she used up my lighter, which i found yrs 'go outside leconte hall b4 a physics lecture, to burn ants in the bathroom, bought me a kewl lighter from livetoplay.com.   i received it on fri, just b4 lunch.   i went to the village mall to eat a big burrito @ la salsa.   i bought a pair of charcoal, 5.pocket stretch pants @ gap.   uhm... by stretch, they don't mean that they're skin tight, just that the material is elasticky.   they're basically jeans.   i figure this is good engineering werk attire.   neway, they were on sale, n' i had been pondering them 4 a while.   uhm... neway, i just quickly bought those n' got my @$$ back to werk.

*breath*   well, 2day's been a good day.   i got to werk much earlier than usual.   good! so i can leave early n' get ready 4 my big date w/ that hot chick!   it's been a pretty easy.going day.   maybe the stress i've had these past coupl'a weeks is all in my head.   i shall try to stress less, to take myself to that "happy place" when i feel stressed...   hrm... well, yah. isn't that a good plan?   i gotta give myself a better outlook on life, i guess.   sometimes, tho', i think 'bout how when i was in college, i very much dreaded the idea of being in between college n' marriage.   in some ways some of my fears have come true: i worried 'bout what kind of living situation i should have.   do young werking folk have roommates like college kids?   or do they all live by themselves?   or do they live w/ their sweeties n' honeys, etc.   c, i dunno... i didn't know, n' i still don't know.   *sigh*   yah, there r those in the silicon valley, n' they all do the werking life well.   they might werk 4 big corporations, big tech or financial firms.   n' they're doing the "werking life" just as they're s'pposed to.   it's not like that's bad.   but really... i feel that's the "set plan," that's how it's "meant to be."   but then there r those of us who chose to stay in berkeley n' deal w/ being in limbo btwn college life n' werking life.   we still have our crappy berkeley college apts.   there r those in silicon valley who got 2gether as a group of 5 buddies n' rented out houses.   yah, ppl do that, i guess.   there r ppl who moved to emeryville n' rent nice, contemporary apts.   sometimes i wish i could do that.   but then i'd be throwing away so much money on high rent.   *sigh*   then there's dave who bought a condo in san leandro.   that's good.   mortgage beats rent neday, right?   well, so i wonder how beno should live in these times, postcollege / premarriage.   *sigh*   n' i've got such awful roommate problems.

'twas nice to talk to roland 'bout kewl restaurants.   i still wanna try betelnut in sf.   it's always so crowded tho'.   thank u to all u ppl who signed my g.book recently: novacaine, stefanie, n' jenny.   i guess i don't know u ppl, but wow, thanks 4 ur readership.   i just got my superduper scsi card n' my scsi terminator 4 kaela's scanner.   lemme open them.   hrm... the scsi card is right, the adpatec 19160 ultra 160 card; but the terminator isn't the right kind.   hrm...   i'll hafta get an rma, huh?   nuts.

*sigh* 'nother late nite / early morning entry.   i read the beautiful kaela kang's most recent journal entry.   that's a true journal entry; she really talks 'bout stuff.   she talks 'bout lotta stuff she hasn't so much expressed to me in wurds, n' it's funny cos i've been thinking 'bout lotta of those same things lately.   *sigh*   i'm definitely 2 emotionally dependent these days.   when i was single, i preached so much 'gainst the evils of emotional dependency.   n' i kept believing that after kaela n' i started going out.   but then i realised that a total lack of dependency is sorta like insensitivity.   i dunno.   'least it's easily interpretted as that.   n' maybe it is.   it's good to be vulnerable to those who u hold close to u.   u can't always clam up n' pretend to be strong.   i definitely believe that the strongest ppl show their weaknesses... 'least to those they love or those they call friends.   yah, defnitely.   neway, somehow i've let emotional dependency get carried 'way.   it's a really bad thing to let it get out of hand.   independency.   "all u women who independent, throw ur hands up to me."   that's what they say, right?   well, u know... many times in my life i tried to be independent.   yah, often i have come off as insensitive or rude when exercising independence.   uh, whuh?   yah, what do i mean by that?   i dunno; i'm not sure. but i think so.   i've avoided feeling coddled... i think that 1 way i've "excerised independence."   but... *sigh* that's a weakness i've had, right?   i know i've had childish "nooooo, let me do it!" times.   u know?

well, i guess 'least i've identified a problem in my life.   i hope i can somehow fix it.   i dunno 'xactly how.   i mean... 'course, u know i really love kaela.   she's really great.   she has all sorts of things i've wanted in a woman n' more.   but i definitely want to appreciate her 4 all that... n' not reduce her to an emotional crutch.   that'd be a infinitely, disgustingly terrible waste.   u know tho? 'member the conversation i had w/ phil?   he sed, "ppl don't grow during relationships, they grow in between relationships."   then yrs later i came up w/ a different skool of thought: "in a healthy relationship, ppl can grow."   yah, that all has'ta do w/ emotional depedency.   really, i think it's something causes problems in many relationships.   ha, here i go 'gain preaching 'gainst the evil of emotional dependency!   ha ha.   neway... to air some1 else's durty laundry, let's talk 'bout how when toby n' his ex.gf sarah broke up, he sed that they knew that they were using each other as emotional punching bags?   yah, c?   that's an example, right?   it's 2 easy, 4 a person in a relationship to try to blame his/her failures on his/her partner.   1 can try to argue, "oh, i spent so much time sacrificing 4 u that i couldn't develop my life."   yah, ok... so why didju sacrifice?   was it out of love? or was it just so u could have an excuse to be lazy?   hrm... now, that's a cynical thought!   well, hey... howzabout this? yes, sometimes, n' hopefully usually, ppl do things 4 their partners out of love... but hey... sometimes evil emotional dependency can play tricks on ur mind n' screw w/ u.   also... think 'bout how a person might try to make his/her partner emotionally dependent on him/her... so who's the real emotional dependent 1?   they both r, i guess.

k... well, i'm not a marriage counselor, i'm not a pastor, n' i'm not a psychology major.   i'm just beno.   n' here i go spewing @ the mouth all this crap.   oh well, buy it if u will, or don't.   i'm no wiseman.

yah, i wish i could really clean out my apt.   i've made some attempts in the recent past w/ the help of the beautiful kaela kang.   but it never cms quite good enuf.   i need space.   kaela had a suggestion, n' yah, i wish i could take lots'a my old stuff to my san jo house, but i seriously have no guarantee that my mom won't throw it all 'way.   this has happened 2 much in the past.   so then what? rent a storage space?   *sigh* waste of money... i'm trying not to spend so much money, right?   ha, as if ne1 ever tries to spend 2 much money, right? ha ha.   neway... i feel i've been wasting lots'a money lately, mostly no going out to eat.   it's a concern.   *sigh*   eh, i've sed it all b4: waste of money, yet there's the bad situation w/ josh, ants, n' lack of time, n' there4 no cooking. *sigh*   yah, i've been stressed.   it shows.   i have canker sores, zits, n' a sore back.   well, sore back.. that's from doing so much hands.on werk on the microscopes.   i guess i'm 2 tall 4 those machines, so i'm always bending my back to werk on them.

well, i should've been packing 4 tahoe instead of writing this journal netry.   *sigh* stoopid beno!   yah, kaela got the mail out of our mailbox by asking the mailman.   i'm very happy 'bout that.   who knows when josh'll come back w/ the mail key.   *sigh* this is not an ideal living situation.   well, tahoe.   snowboarding makes me happy n' healthy.

i've felt really burdened lately.   i don't want to mention this cos then every1's gonna worry 'bout me, but don't worry.   i've just had a lot to think 'bout n' less n' less time to actually think 'bout it all.   werk's been very bizzy, n' i have very full days.   mon nite, i tried to fix my stoopid printer, but it's just plain busted.   man, why isn't this thing built to last?   it was a very frustrating experience.   i felt really lousy.   tues nite, we had taekwondo.   we went to durant fud ct to eat, but it cmed that some ppl ditched us.   that's pretty lame 4 ppl to act like they're gonna hang w/ us then ditch us.   c, stuff like that makes me think, "who r my real friends?"   this whole "who r my friends" thing can really put me in a negative mood.   oh, on mon nite, the beuatiful kaela kang n' i ate pho @ that restaurant on center.   yah, we've been eating out way 2 much.   i dunno, man...   i have less time to cook, the apt is a big battlezone, n' there r ants everywhere.   c, so i don't feel like cooking altho' cooking's a small hobby of mine... usually.   *sigh* so i've been wasting tons of money on eating out... that's 4 sure.   *sigh*   neway, back to tues nite.   well, some of us went to durant fud ghetto, n' a subset who went to get fud actually sat 'round n' chilled, ate 2gether.   others got fud or drinks n' left cos they had to, but laura, johnny, kaela, n' i sat n' ate.   'twas fun.   c, good times can be had!   lemme tell u.

well, 2nite was wed nite.. oh, 'tis nite / early morning right now... 2nite, i was so frickin' bogged down.   i was @ werk late doing some experiments that totally got botched.   then i got a stressful e.mail 'bout taekwondo.   i was so emotionally beat up.   i drove home.   i felt so thrashed.   kaela had plans to go to a spanish restaurant in sf, but i was far from up to it.   i was so burdened.   then kaela n' i talked 'bout some stuff, 'specially this taekwondo issue... then we went home 4 a li'l, unsure of what we'd do next.   then we were gonna go to yeitnal jjajang, but 'twas closed, so we ate @ koryo sootbool.   'twas such an uplifting dinner.   it really brightened my outlook on life somehow.   i went in, feeling like such a failure in life, but then i filled up w/ warm fud n' felt better.   i had suhlruhngtang, n' kaela had gajaemi jjigae.   we also had some bindaedduhk.   koryo's always an interesting place.   how come sootbooljip always attract really "interesting" ppl?   1st there was this table full of random ppl that asked kaela to take there picture.   it was a very interesting bunch.   i'm not sure how many of the ppl @ that table were gay, but 'least 1 or 2 of them had to be.   we noticed 1 african-'merican gay guy had a very big butt.   it's not that we wanted to c it, but it was very obvious.   the table next to us was an asian guy n' a mexican guy, both speaking spanish to each other.   the mexican guy had the same isobune t.shirt i have.   one of the ahjumah waitresses stealthily checked out the headfons on his head while his friend was deciding what to order.   i dunno why, that just looked sorta funny.   i guess she found those wrap.behind.the.head headfons interesting.   1 of our waitresses was very atypical cos she was a young, very americanised gurl.   u don't find 2 many ppl like this werking in sootbooljip.   neway, the fud made me feel so good.   starvation makes ppl cranky n' negative.   fud lifted my spirits.   'course we shouldn't abuse fud like drugs, right?

[later] so now it's early evening, i've got a li'l time to write from my cubicle.   i woke up n' got to werk a li'l earlier 2day, so i guess i can leave earlier.   i miss getting to werk early n' leaving early.   it's a good thing i don't werk in sf... man, i dunno how i'd handle the werkday if i did...   well, 2morrow evening, some of us r leaving 4 a snowboard trip in south tahoe.   it'll be the 1st trip of the season.   i guess it's a pretty early trip.   man... i dunno why, but i feel so brain.fried still.   i mean, as i sed last nite, i felt better after dinner @ koryo, but in general, i still feel my life's more hectic than in previous months or maybe yrs.   hrm... maybe it's winter affecting me, i dunno.   i still gotta fix up my 'puter.   josh disappeared this whole week, n' so i can't get ne of my mail out of our apt. mailbox cos he has the only mailkey.   i ate peanut butter sandwiches 4 lunch.   i've been trying to eat as cheap as possible @ lunch, since we've been eating out @ dinner so often these days.   i have a picture of kaela on my office desk.   it's a nice picture.   she's very pretty.

[a li'l later] laura, thanks 4 signing my g.book!   it's nice to have friends sign the g.book or do a benoquote.

i've cn many movies lately.   pay it 4ward, x.men, meet the parents, bedazzled, charlie's angels...   u know, even tho' i didn't think ne of them were really great masterpieces, i had fun watching all of them.   sometimes that's all that matters.   sometimes, u gotta be a harsh critic n' really "think" when u watch the movie, n' c just how "smart" the movie is... then sometimes u just go n' laff n' be entertained 4 a while.   yup.   'twas a weekend full of movies n' 168...   on fri nite, jerome, joon, the beautiful kaela kang, n' i ate @ 168.   kaela had visited me @ werk that day.   she saw my new cubicle.   i took her to a nice lunch @ cali4nia cafe in the corte madera village mall.   'twas pretty fancy.   she came to my office looking so beautiful... what was i to do?   well, after werk, we met up w/ the 2 boys.   we all agreed we wanted something simple, not 2 expensive, so we were off to 168.   we hadn't been there in ages.   jefflyn told us coco's pregnant, but we had never cn her in that state.   we had a good dinner.   we were thinking of going to noraebang, but we had other ideas: movie, bowling, ice skating...   laura maybe was going to join us.   but then laura didn't.   since laura wasn't going to join us, we figured we should go c bedazzled since she was so 'gainst cing it... but since she wasn't gonna be w/ us...   so we went off to ua emeryville.   amc van ness 1000, amc kabuki, n' jack london r all full of asian kids n' asian college students.   ua emeryville is full of african american ppl.   they have more video games there.   well, we got there pretty much just in time.   we watched the movie.   'twas pretty funny.   afterwards we went back to joon's.   he n' doug have a nice studio in the americana.   we watched some korean musik videos.

sat, i thought 'bout getting my snowboard's base repaired.   we went to any mtn by kirala on shattuck.   i talked w/ the ppl in the shop, but in the end i decided to hold off on the repairs till after our upcoming trip.   then we went to exchange kaela's taekwondo shoes @ young's.   then we went to taekwondo demo team practice.   i left my compilation cd of fast korean musik there.   upes.   has ne1 cn it?   then that nite, we saw sandy 4 the 1st time in ages.   jefflyn, roland, dave, andy, jerome, kaela, n' i ate dinner @ 168.   sandy came to join us.   jeff's ex.roommate peter chung quickly stopped in 4 some fud.   we had a security guard quickly take our picture.   then we went off to sf to watch charlie's angels @ 1215a.   well, we didn't actually want such a late showing, but the earlier show was sold out.   it was good to talk to ppl i haven't cn in a while like sandy n' dave.   i've had lots to toss 'round in my head 'bout friendship lately.   who r my friends?   well... my friends r ppl who want to hang out w/ me.   but "hanging out" isn't everything... my friends r ppl who want to talk to me / e.mail me...   discuss real issues.   talk 'bout problems in each other's lives.   my friends can open up to me, n' i can open up to my friends.   my friends help me out, n' i help my friends out.   so well... i can reach out to some1 to c if he/she wants to be my friend.   i can be friendly...   but i dunno.   sometimes it cms to me that there r ppl i try to be friendly to, but they don't cm to be very friendly back 4 whatever reasons... i dunno.   i mean, i'm sure there r reasons.   maybe they think i'm annoying.   maybe they think i'm egotistical, loud, rude, stoopid, superficial, bossy, vain, mean, arrogant, selfish, snobby... i dunno.   *sigh*   sometimes, maybe i have the time n' energy to think' bout this... but i mean, it can be really self.torturing to sit 'round n' think, "how can i please every1?"   yah... i'd like to be friends w/ many ppl.   i do.   n' i want to be true friends w/ many ppl.   n' then there r times when this friend doesn't like this friend... but they're 2 friends of mine...   that's what happens when u have more friends, i guess.   if all u have in the world is 1 friend.   it's hard 4 that 1 friend to get mad @ u 4 being friends w/ another friend... i mean, if u only have that 1 friend... i guess.   it takes 3 to gossip, right?   n' stuff like that...   *sigh*   neway... it's fun to "hang out" w/ ppl tho'... sometimes i do wish ppl didn't think so hard 'bout everything n' would just hang out all 2gether n' have a good time.   but then some1'd complain that it's shallow friendship...   well, u know... maybe it sometimes is... but also maybe sometimes it's just "havin' a good time." *sigh*   neway, where was i?

so yah, we saw charlie's angels.   sandy drove kaela n' me.   we got to talk 'lot.   it's good to catch up... ketchup.   sun, i took kaela out to taiwan restaurant 4 taiwanese brunch.   we had some good fud, altho' we both had stomach aches.   then i dropped kaela off cos she was feeling sick, but i tried to go retrieve my compilation cd from the rsf.   i couldn't park.   i circled 'round... then i went to touchless to get gas.   i called jerome to c if he could help me out: if i were to drop him off @ the rsf, maybe he could run in n' get the cd.   but he was @ werk.   then i went home.   kaela n' i went 4 a nice walk.   we walked to the rsf.   i looked 4 my cd, but it wasn't there.   maybe sam has it.   but she did find last yr's uc open report that she werked so hard on n' which kevin thought was lost.   then we left.   i had this $15 gift certificate to eddie bauer that they sent me, a freebie.   i went there n' bought some stuff, werk clothes, i guess.   i could'a just picked out something under $15 n' walked 'way w/ a free gift, but i bought a wool shirt n' a sweater n' just got a $15 discount.   then we walked back.   i showed kaela this store juju on telly.   i really liked the clothes there from what i saw in the window b4 when i walked to my dentist's office.   it's only gurls' clothes tho'.   i think it's owned by this young korean couple.   kaela 'bout a nice, li'l black dress.   i like it very much.   then we went home.

well, what else is there to talk 'bout?   i really like my job a lot better now.   i'm a lot bizzier tho'.   i feel so much more productive n' useful n' everything.   it's a good feeling.   the woman in the next cubicle plays her musik sort'a loud.   she plays some countryish stuff, that i don't really like... then she plays dave matthews, which i don't really like... but she plays sarah mclachlan n' eric clapton, n' they're ok.   she cms like a character from ally mcbeal.   isn't that really ally mcbealish musik? i guess i wouldn't really know cos i don't really watch that show.   but i have cn it, n' i figure lots'a college kids think that's what life is like after college or something... that the werking.yet.not.married.yet life is like that... that u go out n' party after every werkday n' have all these office romances... uh... yah, sure!   that's not how it is, n' i don't think i'd want that.   i figure that's not how it is, but then 'gain maybe some ppl @ those big companies have all these peers to play w/ n' stuff.   the only time i went to a bar after werk was w/ cal n' owen, when we went to coat of arms in sf.   then we went to sushi zone in oakland.   that was a fun evening.   1nce, i hung out in the sobay w/ vince, ed park, jon aytec... n' some others... (uhm... who? heh heh... i 4get, but i don't think these ppl'd read my journal neway...) we had dinner @ tgi fridays.   yah, i felt like i was hanging out w/ a bunch of werking guys, a bunch of engineers.   n' yah, we were/r.   we got all rowdy in our own dorky way.   i haven't been in that environment in a while, i guess.

i liked charlie's angels.   i liked the 70s kitsch... is that the right wurd?   i liked the 70s stuff.   disco musik is really happy.   it's, like, "stoopidly" happy, but i don't mind.   watching the movie, i felt like i was watching a more subtle version of austen powers.   like, it felt like the movie satired pop culture of yesteryear, but it didn't it in a more subtle, maybe more intellectual way... if u r smart, u don't need to be told when something is funny... i guess.   i also thought it was funny that all the angels had some dorky things 'bout them.

well, i'm here late @ werk, i took a break to write this entry, but i'd better finish some more experiments, if i'm ever gonna leave.   these days, i/we've been eating out more, as a result of my staying later @ werk, i guess.   i'm 2 tired to cook.   but i guess it's like that semester, 2nd semester of sophomore yr, when i was studying hard n' i ate out very often...   yup.   on fri, i talked to joon 'lot 'bout his engineering skool curriculum.   i want him to do well.

last nite, i went to taekwondo practice a li'l late.   we had demo practice.   after dropping off sam, i went back home to check on the beautiful kaela kang.   we met up w/ brandie, jerome, joon, laura, mike, deanna, n' darlene @ the durant fud ct.   we had some fud @ steve's: yook kyei jang n' steamed mandoo.   then ppl went over to albany.   kaela picked up her gap delivery.   coincidentally, 2day i got an e.mail from gap.com telling me they've rejected me 4 their affiliate website program.   the e.mail was entitled "general reject," n' they told me that they looked @ my site n' sed it doesn't fit the market that they're aiming 4.   well, u know how i've got all these "sponsors" that give me a li'l spare change if u buy stuff from them.   so i thought gap.com'd be nice 'nuf to do the same.   eh! whatever.   maybe gap clothes r nice, but don't 4get when they were off endorsing george bush v. clinton way back when, right?   is gap still a big backer of the gop?   i dunno.   i 'member gap, inc. backed the gop, n' macy's supported the democrats.   i dunno if it's still like that or what.

well, 2day kaela came to visit me @ werk.   i had to dress nicer cos there was a board mtg 2day.   i took kaela to lunch @ cali4nia cafe.   it's uhm... overpriced, but it's not bad.   so i went 'head n' ordered my adaptec 19160 2day.   i gotta get the drive from ted via ken soon.   nelson insists i should get a cheap upgrade processor.   yah, i should.

well, last nite was a winter depression hibernation nite.   i picked up the beautiful kaela kang from starbucks n' took her to dinner.   we went to @sushi plus by my apt.   'twas a pretty good dinner.   when i got home, i fell asleep.   that's winter depression hibernation.   that's what happened 'round this time every skool yr.   that's why my grades were usually lower fall semester than spring spring semester.   so i slept 4 2 hrs, watched simpsons n' went back to sleep.   it's really awful.   i think i dreamed last nite, but i 4get what i dreamed 'bout.

i'm still upset over the apt situation.   maybe nuthin' big is gonna happen soon as fallout from the explosion, but i guess i really brought out issues...   well, yesterday, in my journal, i guess i really went off 'bout lots that has been on my mind.   i mean, not everything's 'bout the apt, josh, or whatever...   i talked 'bout being a spoiled brat v. a hard werker.   yes, that's an issue.   @ berkeley, i met ppl of all sorts of financial backgrounds, as far as their families...   rich kids come to cal, poor kids come to cal.   u've got kids who r proud to be poor or proud to be rich.   u got kids who r ashamed to be poor or ashamed to be rich.   u sure meet all sorts'a ppl.   n' then berkeley is the equaliser.   ppl come out, they get jobs.   the poor kid makes tons of money, the rich kid makes li'l money.   or maybe in some cases, the rich get richer n' the poor get poorer.   butchu never know.   well, in ne case, money ain't everything.   u gotta have morals.   n' it'd be nice to think that u came out of berkeley learning some morals n' values... that u had time to think 'boutchur place in this world, what u can do to benefit it...   that life isn't just 'bout making a profit off of other ppl.   i think so.   i think that the berkeley experience can teach a person to be conscientious, to care 'bout stuff like that.   i think so.   but not every1 come out thinking like that, i guess.

well, it's late, n' i'm in my office still, writing this entry.   yah, i wanna leave now.   i don't get to write e.mails or journal entries nearly as much nemore, u know.   but thanks 4 reading n' keeping in touch.

so last nite was intense, huh?   i'm not sure who r president elect is, but i'm scared to check.   i'll go check my y! frontpage now.   1 sec... nope, still no winner.   geez!   *sigh*   well, i've got a lot on my mind right now.   *sigh*   definitely.   i've had a long day @ werk, n' i'm pretty worn out.   i had lots'a pizza 4 lunch.   we were s'pposedly having a party to celebrate our imaging lab moving over from sf to cm.   well, i'm definetly happy 'bout that cos it means, as i sed b4, that i get to werk in cm instead of sf... which in itself isn't all that great, but i sure hate the cm commute less than the sf commute.   neway, if i do get 'round to writing all i want to write in 2day's journal entry, then it'll be a real journal entry, 1 that really delves into my deep thoughts n' feelings... lemme tell u!

my journal file is getting way 2 long, n' i'm pretty sure, starting next yr / next millenium, i'll start a new file... n' maybe i'll start a new file every month, right?   i dunno, something like that...   neway.   so a coupl'a days 'go my mom told me not to cut my hair so short.   i told the beautiful kaela kang this would happen.   i told kaela that my mom n' my sister don't like my hair so short... but i'm ok w/ it.   this was after kaela cut my hair.   neway, my mom told me not to cut my hair so short n' that that's why i got sick.   *sigh*   i'm 25, n' my mom's still telling me to cut my hair this way n' that way!   sheesh...   man, how long has this been going on?   how long does this go on 4 most sons?   from age 15 to 25?   or does it stop there?   a yr or 2 'go, ken told me how his dad told him not to cut his hair so short cos it doesn't look "professional."   whuh?!   ken's 1 of the most professional.looking guys i know... i mean, he doesn't dress really professionally, but his hair isn't by far not all asian gangstaish or nething...   it's not punked out, it's not coloured, it's not nuthin!   but his dad told him his short hair makes him look unprofessional.   huh?!   so what should ken have done?   have a bruce lee haircut?!   i mean... all respect to the great bruce lee, but i mean... is that what ppl consider professional in 2day's werking world or something?   there's some hair salon called bruce lee hair salon on the asian part of el camino.   when rosa saw that last christmas when she n' josh were down here, she cracked up so bad.   she imagined every1 walking out w/ hair like the famous bruce lee.   ha ha.

neway, well, onto the real meat of 2day's entry... besides the crazy election...   *sigh*   so after taekwondo practice, i brought laura, jerome, n' joon over to eat gnocchi w/ me n' kaela.   kaela skipped practice to study 4 2morrow's midterm.   well, *sigh*   ppl were over, n' i finally blew up @ josh, my roommate.   i was cooking fud 4 my friends, n' then he interrogated kaela, "when r u gonna take ur computer back to ur apt?"   well, frick! as if that's not a question w/o implications n' hidden meanings!   i mean, sheesh!   as is always the case w/ josh... there r things in this world which r perfectly fair n' legal.. but guess what! by doing them, u rn't being a pleasant person, u'r not being a nice person, n' u'r not being a friend.   that's so typical of this guy!   sure, he's got to get everything that's owed to him.   so yah... it's "fair" 4 him to ask kaela that question, despite the fact that what the question implies is "get ur computer out of my apt."   yah, it's perfectly "fair" 4 him to ask the question, n' it's perfectly "fair" 4 him even to just make the demand, give the ultimatum, "get ur computer out of my apt or else!"   yah, i admit, it's perfectly "fair."   but u know... it just goes to show josh is not a nice person!   so i blew up @ him.   i went on a cursing, swearing tirade, i guess u might say.   yah, i admit it.   i did.   n' i admit it was a very unpleasant thing.   it was unpleasant to go off on a loud tirade in front of a bunch of friends.   but shoot!   josh started this conflict in front of every1, so well... it's all "fair game," 1 might say.   sure, we'll spare all the niceties 2nite.   so...   i told him off!   i told him that he was being a jerk, n' didn't know how to share, n' that he's wrong in always thinking that we're taking advantage of him... that it's wrong that he has this mentality that he has to take advantage of others b4 they take advantage of him...   i went off.   what did he say?   man, he just repeated stuff my wurds back to me as questions... i guess some attempt to make me feel stoopid...   well, guess what, dude... those r my wurds.   maybe they weren't the most eloquent, but u know what?   they prove a pt., n' the pt. is valid, n' he ought to know all that!   i told him he's unpleasant, that he makes ppl feel uncom4table, that he makes ppl feel like he expects them to treat him w/ so much respect...   yah, i was harsh, but i told him 'xactly how i felt.   i didn't hide my vulnerabilities.   i was honest, sincere, n' harsh.   maybe i was even mean.   i was rude n' obnoxious.   i wasn't there to put on a front.   i just spoke to express my feelings.   no front.   so maybe he felt embarassed w/ me saying all this in front of laura, jerome, joon, n' kaela.   well, yah.   i felt pretty embarassed saying it all 2.   so he asked, "do u want to take this inside," i assume he meant inside 1 of our rooms, but frick!   what's the pt?   he started the conflict outside, so i told him, "no."   as much as i felt embarassed, n' i knew i was embarassing him... no.   i believe in sincerity n' honesty, n' letting my friends no what i'm all 'bout...   after all, frick, i'm writing 'bout it all here... n' maybe i've no right to air dirty laundry... but u know... it serves him right.   he already made me feel uncom4table w/ his behaviour 'round the apt... n' now he directly did this to my gf kaela...   i will not stand 4 it!

n' u know how this whole conflict winded down?   he started trying to say the whole situation started cos i should've asked him "permission" to bring kaela's computer over.   yah... sure that's "fair," but u know... ppl can also live naturally n' have pleasant lives w/o all this asking 4 permission crap...   what the heck!   i ask my superior's 4 permission...   my friends... they understand the difficulties in my life.   they understand the difficulties in my gf's life.     of course, they still could tell me they don't like what i'm doing, that my actions make them feel uncom4table, that my actions r harming them, that my actions r just not right... they can say that, n' they'd express it in the appropriate way, n' i'd take appropriate measures to fix things.   but they'd understand... they'd understand that kaela wants to spend more time w/ me n' she needs her computer w/ her to do her final that was due a few weeks 'go, altho' she got an extension cos she was sick...   n' 'bout that!   geez... i flat out told josh that w/ all his behaviour like this it makes kaela uncom4table even to werk on her final on her 'puter.   *sigh*   so man... u know, i won't stand 4 this, no.   n' that's why i blew up last nite.

n' then the conflict really started winding down... n' i don't remember every second, cos yah... admittedly, it was all pretty emotionally intense 4 me.   i 'member replying to something josh sed by saying, "u have a history, josh!"   n' then his last wurds were, "well, sorry if i didn't have everything handed down to me."   u know what that's 'bout?   well, this ain't nuthin' new.   this something josh has been openly bitter 'bout 2wards me.   he has this idea that i'm so spoiled, that my parents hand down so much cash upon me, that i get everything from my parents, that i don't werk 4 nething that i've ever gotten in my life.   well, guess what, josh... u don't think i ever think 'bout that?   my friends who read my journal know that i have extreme inner conflicts deep down 'bout all sorts of issues like this!   my dad thinks i'm materialistic.   my mom, in my past, tried to spoil me.   but my dad never believed in ne of that.   n' u know what? i don't believe in that.   i believe in werking hard; i believe in being productive n' contributing something to this world... but u know what else? i don't believe in materialism or money.   i have daily conflicts 'bout all this.   cos i'm only trying to do what's right.   josh 1nce sed that i'm homer simpson n' he's frank grimes.   u know who frank grimes is, right?   he's this 1tym char on the simpsons, this self.made man, an orphan who went thru all these hardships, n' put himself thru correspondence skool to get a ph.d. in nuclear physiks, n' then he werks next to homer simpson...   n' frank grimes thinks that homer has everything in the world, everything! n' he never werked @ all to attain it.   i'm not homer simpson, i belive in productivity. &nb