수요일 아침: every day since the knee incident's filled w/ joy n' disappointment. this is why the good lord allows bad things to happen. he wants to make sure we feel, that we're not just goin' thru the motions in life. when i feel i can walk better, i feel great. when i look @ my left knee, n' it still looks so swollen; i feel horrible. the beautiful kaela hwang keeps talkin' 'bout lymph drainage n' how that's why my left calf looks so swollen. yesterday, while watchin' the adult colored belt class from the side, i felt such an "itch" to get up n' kick. often, while sittin', i 4get all 'bout my injury. then when i stand, as soon as i let my left leg extend a li'l; i feel the familiar tightness. i feel tightness n' also feel s#arp pain when my leg or knee gets jostled or jerked. i really want the swelling to go down. this morn, i considered takin' ibuprofen, switchin' from 100% natural remedies to the world'f "conventional," chemical pharmaceuticals. [later] i hate painkillers. anti.inflammatories r ok; but i hate painkillers cos as soon as they wear off the pain comes back 10fold. i mentioned that the kirkwood medikal staff gave me a vicodin, rt? i think it made me drowsy. oh yah, they also gave me a preskription 4 more vicodin, which i haven't filled n' prob'ly won't.
[later] 점심: i feel that, in gen'l, every day, my knee gets better. i dunno tho'. :-/ this morn, i could've woken up extra early when kaela woke up n' went to the gym in the early morn, but instead, i slept in w/ an ice pack on my elevated knee. i think that did me 'lot'f good. 2day, i've been tryin' to put ice on my knee under my pants instead'f on the outside'f my pants. u c, the jeans i've been wearin' this wk were 2 tight to hike up the legs. 2day, i purposely wore an older pair'f kenny cole jeans that r baggier. i can hike up the leg n' put the ice rt on my knee. well, the ace bandage's btwn the ice n' the knee. i think that's helpin' 'lot. as i sed, i go thru 'lot'f emotions: @ 1 moment, i'll feel like things r gettin' so much better. then the next moment, i'll feel like things r lookin' really bad. i really don't wanna hafta get surgery! u know? 4 the most part, i still think that i won't need surgery; but sometimes i really worry. don't worry 4 me tho'... when i c u worry, then i get stressed.
yesterday afternoon, i drew up a silly comic that recaps my knee injury incident. i hope i'll post it up here soon. in fakt, i have a whole bunch'f pix that i aktually already uploaded to my acct that i haven't yet posted here on my journal. if u know how to navigate 'round my publik direktory on my server, then u can find the pix. do u know the direktory that has all my pix? it's uh... http://www.ocf.berkeley.edu/~beno/journal/2007/pictures, i think. if i'm wrong; sorry.
[later] 오후: u guys know what facebook.com is? i guess it's like a trendy thing all'f the sudden. i've been on it 4 a while now but never really logged in. however, lately, 'lot'f my u.s. taekwondo akademy friends've been invitin' me to be their friends there. i think the 1st person to ask me to sign up w/ julie... a long time 'go; but i didn't c ne aktivity on that site 'mongst my friends 4 a long time till now, all'f the sudden. i heard'f facebook.com on the news cos the cops used it to solve some crime i think. well, i was gonna post up a msg on "the wall" there (i guess that's the personal netwerk bulletin board) re: my knee, but it sez the server's down or sumpthin'. this is what i was gonna write: "in case u haven't heard or cn; i busted my knee on sat, snowboardin' @ kirkwood. it was my 2nd run'f the morn, n' i went straight 4 the terrain park. i caught more air than i expekted on the 1st jump but barely didn't clear the table n' landed really hard. i heard a pop in my left knee as i landed n' couldn't go on. :-( i'm walkin' w/ 1 or 2 crutches these days. i won't be doin' ne'f my usual physikal aktivities 4 a while."
lately, when i sync the "recent" page'f my beno journal via avantgo on my palm t5, the page looks all messed up: it's 2 wide n' doesn't fit w/in the palm's screen, 4cin' me to scroll; n' that's very inconvenient. i dunno why this happens. there must be sumpthin' i my html that's makin' this happen, but i dunno what it is. :-( [later] also, i hate how my page always loads up in the western european character set, when i want it to load up in korean by default. i wish i knew how to write webpage code better. all i know is very simple html. :-(
durin' my lunchbrk, kaela picked me up n' brought me back to her clinik, where she did some ultrasound therapy on me. then we had lunch @ zafran's indian n' pakistani buffet. [later] i'm still tryin' not to eat 2 much since i can't exercise, but i also know i need to eat 'nuff protein to help me heal. such a dilemma, eh? [later] i'm so fidgety in my mind 'bout when this injury'll be gone. i just don't know! <:-( like, will i need a roadie to handle all my gear @ the upcoming wedding dj gigs? may 6? may 19? i s'ppose 2day, i'm kind'f "aggressively" icin'. i'm makin' sure the ice has good contakt w/ my wrapped up knee. it really helps, bein' able to hike up my pant leg. [later] kaela mentioned that her tasman clinik (as opposed to her benton clink, where i usually visit her now) has a "cold laser" machine. i wikied up "cold laser therapy": http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cold_laser_therapy. i'd like to visit her tasman clinik to get cold laser therapy sometime.
u know, i've got 'lot'f issues swirlin' 'round my mind rt now, lots'f thoughts 'least (if "issues" ain't the rt wurd). *sigh* i wonder if this injury's simply usherin' me into a new (but not necessarily pleasnt) era: in my 0~10 yrs, i was somewhat aktive in the earlier 0.5'f that n' then got fat n' lazy in the latter 0.5. i nmy teens, i was very lazy n' grew fatter. in my 20s, i lost all that excess wt n' got very fit n' athletik, as u know. now, i'm 31, almost 32. is this a new era? am i doomed to be unathletik 'gain? <:-( i sure as heck hope not! what to do? c? i go thru a wide range'f emotions each day! &nbep; yet, i think the worst thing's when ppl r overly worried 'bout me... then i stress. i mean... i so much appreciate friends' callin' me up; but honestly, i dread that my mom's worryin' 'bout me n'll nag me to quit snowboardin' when u know i obviously don't wanna. do u know my outdated index page on this website? it's the page that pops up when u type benomix.com into ur web browser. someday, i'll update that page, but man... rt now, it's sooo outdated. 1'f the few things there that is still true's that i always wanna go snowboarding. it's funny: this past season, i was bouncin' in btwn snowboardin' n' skateboardin'. which do i like more? *shrug* each has its posi+ives. u know, i think, statistikally, snowboarding has more accidents/injuries per yr than skateboarding. i read that somewhere on an official skateboarding organization's website. do u believe it? @ 1st i kind'f found it hard to believe cos snow's softer than concrete n' that's why so many more mature ppl (adults) n' gurls snowboard but won't skateboard. howe'er, 1) typikally, u don't jump as hi on skateboard as u would on a snowboard, n' 2) more ppl whether athletik or not try snowboardin' than skateboardin', rt? i think so. when'll i skateboard 'gain? when'll i snowboard 'gain? when'll i walk normally 'gain?
[later] 저녁: i'm stayin' late@werk.com 2nite cos kaela's gonna go to sach's 700p turbo kick box (tkb) class @ the fremont ave, sunnyvale 24 hour fitness. she'll pick me up from my office afterwards, sometime after 800p. i guess we'll eat our supper supers meatloaf 2nite. we also have plenty'f shrooms in the fridge that we've gotta eat, 'specially since we're goin' out'f town this wknd. *sigh* wow, life, eh? i need to mow my front lawn, but my knee's busted. whereas i usually detest yardwerk, i can honestly say i'm lookin' 4ward to the day i can mow my front lawn 'gain. no, i'm not fishin' 4 sympathy. ha ha ha, gee, is this kind'f crazy writin' what ppl label as "emo"??? ha ha ha! last nite, on youtube, i watched the madtv fake commercial 4 "tickle me emo." it's a pretty funny video clip. "emo," it's like what we used to call "mod" n' then called "alternative." yah, the wiki article sez it's very poorly defined, n' so were the wurds/terms "mod" n' "alternative."
[a li'l later] so is facebook.com the new place to hangout online? like, i don't think it can replace myspace, rt? like, in the past, i totally like friendster better than myspace, but i guess myspace's waaaay more popular than friendster. however, friendster's always cmed more mature, whereas myspace always cmed like a place 4 kids. myspace got infamous 4 bein' a place 4 online predators. already, ppl criticised friendster 4 bein' a meat mkt, so there r these other more "professional" netwerkin' site 4 ppl more like my generation or older. aktually, there r plenty'f those. i guess like whereas myspace sort'f won the mkt 4 the youths, the mkt 4 the older yuppies kind'f is still up 4 grabs. i dunno. however, like, i've noticed that some politicians r gettin' myspace pages. like, john kerry had his friendster fan profile thingy, n' that made sense; but i c these totally suit n' tie politicians w/ myspace pages now, n' it looks kind'f weird. i dunno if they're demokrats or republikans, but they kind'f stick out. i've toldju 'bout this 1 older dad that skates (skateboards) @ the sunnyvale skate park. @ 1st, i thought he was a mormon cos well... he has lots'f kids; but he might be "just" a standard protestant. neway, i noticed his myspace profile linked via the sunnyvale skate park's myspace profile. his screenname's "been there, done that, sold the t-shirt for a 5th." (http://www.myspace.com/somehowskating) on the page, he tells the story'f how he used to be an alkoholik but has now found god n' salvation thru the bible. hrm... ok, yah, he is a mormon. heh, figured it out... cos he sed he's a fan'f some author named "orson scott card," n' that author's a big mormon, so yah... i was rt. neway, yah, not every1 on myspace's is a li'l kid or an online predator.
these days, kaela has 'lot to say 'bout "ligament laxity." i got tennis elbow from bad ergonomiks@werk.com. kaela sed ligament laxity contributed to that. my knee injury; kaela sez "ligament laxity" contributed to that. she sez that eatin' 2 much sugar (refined sugar?) contributes to "ligmaent laxity." what is ligament laxity. let's consult wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ligamentous_Laxity.
[later] well, it's late in the evenin', but i'm still@werk.com, waitin' 4 kaela; but that's ok. however, i'm still full from lunch. how'm i gonna eat meatloaf 2nite? my mom called me 2day: 1) she wants me to rub ginger dipped in rice wine on my knee cos that's werked 4 her in the past. 2) she hired her handyman to do our yardwerk 1nce on mon since i can't. *sigh* i guess, @ this pt, i'll accept that n' appreciate it.