화요일 아침: well, i installed my new, spitfire 53mm marc johnson sureshot gold wheels last night, using a fresh set of bones super swiss 6 bearings. i’m currently washing my old set of bones original swiss bearings. i first installed all the wheels “flipped,” with the graphics on the inside. you see, kids say that you should do this to save the graphics, to keep them from rubbing off. after all, it’s so important that everyone knows the name of the brand of wheels on which you are skating. just kidding… well, i first tested out the new wheels while taking sooni for her daily skateboard walk. i noticed that the graphics rubbed off even faster with the wheels flipped because when i grind the wheels would touch the vertical side of the curb and drag. that’s not good. the graphics were pretty messed up by the time i got back to our house. after that, i headed out to the sunnyvale skate park for a morning skateboarding session before work. i noticed that the graphics were getting more messed up as i grinded the coping in the bowls there. when i noticed that one wheel was bolted on a little too tight (we ought to use torque wrenches when installing wheels because of the bearing!), i went ahead and flipped two of the wheels back to normal. i’ll flip the other two later. i figured i shouldn’t waste my precious skating time for flipping wheels. i can do that at night. so how are the new wheels? well, i realise now that fresh wheels always feel the best because you still have the treads on them, the corduroy. at first, when i would powerslide on them, i would hear this cool “zip” sound. however, i can tell that will fade away very fast. that’s the thing about skateboarding equipment; in a sense it’s very temporary. it’s made to be destroyed. there are exceptions though: well.maintained bearings should last a long time. i sure as heck try not to destroy my bearings. also, a pair of independent trucks will last. they are built to grind. i feel the bushings may give out, but the truck hangars and baseplates are fine. as a kid, i used to break kingpins a lot on my independent trucks because i would crank the nut down so hard for super tight trucks. now, i prefer loose trucks, so i don’t have that problem. furthermore, i guess i’m lighter now than i was as a fat kid. when i was a kid and kept breaking kingpins, i once asked one of the workers at go skate what i could do to stop breaking kingpins. he was one of the nicer dudes that worked there, but you know what he said? ”you’ve got to lay off the chili dogs, kid.” i’ve got to say; in retrospect, that was very hilarious. at the time, i was probably a little saddened by that remark.
well, last night, after the beautiful kaela hwang and i came home from stanfurd country, where we were for a family dinner; kaela finally gave me the go ahead to send her the google doc that contained my list of names for kenobaby in order of preference. i asked her to pick from the top two. i was very sleepy, and she was working on work stuff on the couch while watching the simpsons rerun on cw44, so i showered and went to bed. this morning, i asked her about it. we finally agreed on his name. she pretty much figured the top two were okay and agreed with my order of preference. i’m very happy about that. now, we just need to pick a middle name.
[later] last night, at dinner, my dad talked so much bout how i speak more korean and not enough taiwanese. that’s one of his favourite topics of conversation when he brings me into a crowd of his taiwanese association friends. he sounds a bit spiteful or at least disappointed about it all, maybe ashamed or… well, at least he seems to think it’s a shame. you know, i hardly think it’s a shame. i’m not a whitewashed abc or abt kid, not at all. i mean, i feel decently integrated into multicultural, american culture, especially now that i’m so into skateboarding; yet i am very strongly tied to my asian roots. i may not speak much taiwanese and perhaps to some people speak too much korean; but i am living out the asian.american culture, the asian.american experience as it fits me.
[later] 오후: that’s true… you know, issues of ethnicity and racial identity seem to pop up a lot in college… maybe earlier in high school and middle school… then again at marriage… then not again until you have kids. i think, as kids in america… at least while growing up in the 1970s and 1980s, we were exposed to lots of… well, like “propaganda” about multi.culturalism. it was all good stuff, but i guess we realise now that some of it was to the point of “hokiness.” in other words, sometimes, the educators tried too hard. [later] i mean, i think kids/people of my generation can chuckle about how the math textbooks would try so hard to use “ethnic” names in all the word problems… like “if ming has 21 marbles and promises to give manuel five, how many marbles does he have if shaneequa says she’ll double the number of marbles he has leftover?” sure, it’s a little funny, but in the end; aren’t we all glad that today we can have a president named barack obama? i mean whether you agree with his policies or not, you probably are at least glad that it is possible, right? anyway… so i believe that asian.americans (at least in the californian bay area) grew up in a pretty multicultural environment, and throughout (say) elementary school (or so), we kind of didn’t really think about ethnicity. white kids played with black kids, who played with middle eastern kids, who played with east asian kids, who played with chicano.latino kids, who played with south asian kids… it was all the same to us! then sometime between middle school and high school, we realised that girls made us feel funny in the crotch or whatever. the idea of finding a girlfriend became real. for some it was in high school; for some it was in middle school; and, for a few “lucky” ones, it was in late elementary school. i don’t know if it was because of our conservative parents or possibly because of genetics, but all of the sudden, ethnicity might have mattered for some of us… some, but not all. some asian boys probably were only attracted to the non.asian girls, maybe just white girls. maybe it seemed like the developed sooner. maybe it was just because those were the kinds of girls we saw in movies and on tv. at the same time, some asian boys could sense a commonality with their asian sisters and found that actually attractive… yes, even at that early age. to some it didn’t matter.
it seemed like asian.american boys would find their group of friends often based upon what ethnicity of girls they liked. throughout high school in the almaden valley at leland high school, i saw more and more self.segregation into racially homogeneous cliques. i remember hearing either in high school or (more probably in college) that three young men of the same race constitute a street gang. isn’t it so true that that’s the prejudice of many people with conservative views on race (like xenophobic people)? (i feel like i heard it on npr or some kind of college lecture… maybe it was while sitting in on a friend’s asian.american studies lecture.) i really feel people tend to think that: “two young men of the same race, they’re just friends that happen to be of the same race. however, add the third, and it’s potentially trouble.” you know, come to think of it; maybe that isn’t so much a conservative’s view on race but rather the by.product of all the multicultural indoctrination. nahwhaddahmshayin’? it’s like we so believe that we need to have multicultural friends that we get scared (or at least uncomfortable) when we see people “stickin’ to their own kind.” like, when segregation is forced, the ethnic people are the victims. however, when it’s voluntary, then the ethnic people are the offenders.
i’m obviously not blameless when it comes to any of this. about that topic, i think i personally would feel less welcomed and comfortable walking into a group that was comprised completely of any one race other than mine. if i joined a group that is all white, i might feel i stick out as the only asian. that would be the same if the group was all chicano or all “middle eastern” (sorry for the use of the umbrella term, but i’m just speaking from the general “american public’s” persecption) or all south asian or all african. sometimes, it may be a “privilege,” but don’t you think sometimes it’s scary or at least uncomfortable to stand out?
i mean, i definitely feel i ought to give props (to use a 1990s term) to the one white guy in a crowd of asians. i mean, he could be white, black, mexican, etc. the important thing for that one guy is not to force his culture on the group. like, what i’m totally impressed when some of my white guy friends hang out with a group of my asian friends and doesn’t have to say stuff like, “oh, the american way is to do this,” or “whoa, that food looks totally gross and stinks,” etc.
you know, like being involved with the asian martial arts is what puts me in that kind of situation the most, situations where it’s mostly asian people except for one white guy. it’s usually a white guy – or south asian guy (as opposed to, i guess “east asian) – as opposed to a girl but yeah… i’m glad it can be either. i’m always glad when that one guy or girl is very respective of the east asian cultures and doesn’t act like a know.it.all but takes this opportunity to learn more about the asian cultures. it’s annoying when the one guy acts like a know.it.all either by: 1) saying he knows all of east asian culture from some limited previous experience (usually having to do with working with a few japanese or vietnamese people because of the silicon valley industry) or 2) saying he “knows” the “american” way is the only “right” way to do things. neither of those views are good. it’s funny because i guess people would say the second mindset is the “conservative” mindset, and the first mindset is the “liberal” mindset… liberal in the sense where people think that some liberal politicians can be “carpetbaggers” that pander to some particular people group. nahwhaddahmshayin’? like the type of people who practices this kind of mindset tend to be the “professor” types. as you know, i hate those inaccurate political labels of “liberal” and “conservative,” so you can almost disregard this entire paragraph.
anyway, yeah… in high school or so, i noticed more kids finding cliques amongst their own races. for sure, i started hanging out more often with an all asian crew. i still had my non.asian groups, mostly based upon some interest or activity like music or skateboarding or some academic subject, etc. in high school, being a leader in the taiwanese.american youth community and in the local taiwanese.american church (which was more of a pan.asian group at least for amongst the youth) put me in asian crowds. however, during my senior year, i grew disgusted of the gossip and cliqueness of the asian crowds and started to distant myself from them.
in my freshman year of college, i specifically set out to make non.asian friends. later, i felt bad for all of the cool people i could have befriend but didn’t simply based on race (because they were also asian like me). by my junior year, i ended up again hanging out with mostly asians. the more multicultural crowds were possibly bad for my grades because the crowds i found in the dorms were just about going to greek frat parties or else altrock and the altrock lifestyle. to be honest, when it came down to it, when i had to bust my butt and study, the crowd i ended up finding was more of an asian crowd but not an exclusively asian crowd. i realised in college that many other asian.american students didn’t really have any kind of awareness of their ethnic identity until college. i guess there was kind of a difference between those that found their racial identity before college and those that were just finding it in college. heh, i guess i was in a somewhat unique situation because i actually attended college at the university of california berkeley. i mean, heck! that is a the premier hotspot for ethnic studies, right? the late ronald takaki and all… because i was so involved with asian.american (but more specifically taiwanese.american) youth leadership; by college, i was already so sick of discussions and debates about interracial dating and interethnic dating. i had already had my share of experiences and observations; had my battles with a girlfriend’s parents who didn’t like my ethnicity and defended my share of white guy friends with asian girlfriends. i knew i held the belief that “love, it see no colour” per the 1990s altrock song by the farm, titled “love see no colour,” but i knew there were insecure asian guys that wanted to argue why interracial dating is wrong as well as non.asian guys that really had asian girl fetishes that just don’t seem quite “right.” i grew to feel that so much of it comes down to individual cases, so there’s no point in discussing generalities. at the same time, i did still enjoy discussing issues of “model minority versus minority mentality,” the idea of how some asian.american kids were the nerdy “good kids,” while some were the urban gangsta (or wannabe, suburban wanksta) kids. that was still an interesting topic. that’s why; to this day, one of the most emotionally touching hip.hop lyrics are from jin (tha/da mc)’s “the ambassador”:
i’m the model minority.
i’m the protester in the picket line, screaming f@¢k the authority!
- from jin (tha/da mc)’s “the ambassador”
i really like that whole song, but that set of lyrics really paints out the picture of the modern day asian.american experience; one of straddling the line between “model minority” and “minority mentality.” please forget you not that i think better luck tomorrow was one of the most accurate portrayals of asian.american high school life.
well, as i said, i feel like after college, for many asian.americans, ethnic issues sort of reach a steady state for a few years until marriage. after all, most workplaces are at least nominally multicultural environments, with the occasional exception of small, family businesses that feel most comfortable working only with “their own kind.” i never really worked in that kind of environment. thus; with the exception of the occasional asian.american film festival; issues of ethnicity, ethnic identity, and race kind of lay low… until marriage! i always find it funny that korean girls think that doing 페백 pyeibaek in front of their friends at their wedding somehow “absolves” them from the korean.american “sin” of intermarriage. that was not necessary for kaela because i’m already korean enough, which brings me to the real point of all this gabber.
you see, as i said, my dad likes to heckle me about my non.taiwaneseness and my over.koreanness in front of his taiwanese association friends. does he simply wish i had married a taiwanese girl? my dad is known to be pretty proud of our family’s taiwanese heritage. i would hope i don’t need to explain the definition of taiwanese as opposed to chinese. the point is that my family traces its roots back to taiwan back to a time before the chinese arrived, fleeing the communists, to a time when taiwan was a japanese colony; so we feel more japanese than chinese. some of my friends thought my dad’s speech at our wedding was very funny. my dad tries to be a funny guy. when i was a kid, his sense of humour sometimes annoyed my sister; but… all in all, i think that it’s good that he tries. in his speech at kaela’s and my wedding, “he said that when he immigrated to america as the first from our family, he just happened to choose the hwang romanisation of our last name as opposed to the huang romanisation. however, he then said it was just meant to be that i would marry a korean girl since hwang is the common korean romanisation of the name. huang is pretty much never used by koreans, but i’m sure we can find some exceptions, probably on the east coast or in asia, probably in china. last night, at dinner, he said told his friends and our family in taiwanese that we speak korean to our dog and that he therefore can’t talk to our dog and worries that he won’t be able to communicate with our kids. *sigh* sure, it’s kind of funny, but it’s also kind of funny at my expense.
let me tell you; in no way do i feel i am sacrificing or discounting my taiwanese heritage. the fact that we speak korean to sooni and plan at least to try to teach our kid(s) some korean is a salute to our taiwanese heritage because 1) we don’t speak chinese to sooni and don’t have any big plans to teach chinese to our kid(s), and 2) taiwanese in taiwan are obsessed with other asian cultures, whether it be japanese or korean culture; so the pan.asian ethnic identity in general is a sign of respect to our taiwanese heritage. let me tell you: i’ve noticed that the grandparents that grew up in japanese taiwan do appreciate the etiquette i’ve learned from immersion in the korean culture because (whether korean.americans like it or not), they are similar to the japanese traditions they grew up with. i’ve noticed that that generation, the grandparents generation, they don’t mind that i’ve adopted the korean culture or whatever because, heck… they realise it’s better than being just “whitewashed.”
thus… back to the side topic of that timeline of issues of ethnic identity: childhood, coming of age, college, marriage… and then having babies! i said that we asian.americans seem to reach a steady state in our ethnic identity after college, and that lasts until marriage. well, especially for those of us who had a long “honeymoon” period without kids, we seem to reach another steady state after marriage. for some couples, the wedding itself can be such a hot issue: which traditions get honoured? can family communicate? what kind of food get served? what kind of formal wear gets worn? i know it can be a time for many arguments. i’m glad it wasn’t for kaela and me… at least not really based upon ethnicity. however, for others it was a big, historic battle. in either case, things seem to die down for a while, right? families on opposing sides learn to accept for the time being and maybe make compromises or agreements. then comes baby.
i mean, of course, the issues and concerns that arise are much the same as they were at the wedding (or even just when the parents discover that the kids are dating), but now they are somehow more “real.” what will the kids look like? what kind of name will the kid have? what language(s) will the kid speak? what kind of food will the kid eat? there is concern, and then there is panic. when parents oppose a marriage between kids of differing ethnicities, friends tell the kids, “oh, when the parents see how cute the kids are, then they’ll accept the marriage.” is that true? if so, is that okay? should a child be used like that? is that true tolerance?
this past sunday, at grx, we had a great guest speaker: david nystrom, the vice president of academic affairs at william jessup university. he told a story about how he received a letter, a request for some sizable donation. in return for that donation, his name would be inscribed in a block used to build a monumental wall of tolerance in new york city or washington, dc (i forget which). he then went on to joke about the irony in that name, “the wall of tolerance.” (”isn’t it ironic? don’t you think?” sings alanis morisette.) well, he went on to ask us to practice the real tolerance that jesus taught as opposed to fake tolerance, which is just a bunch of lousy compromises and skirting around issues. basically, agreeing to disagree is not the same as agreeing on actual issues. kaela and i walked in late to that sermon/message because kaela was nauseous from kenobaby’s kicking her organs all morning. i hope i can re.listen to the full message online.
well, kaela seems to have picked a middle name for kenobaby. he may now have a full name: first, middle, and last. i think we’re still undecided on the spelling of his middle name. i posted on facebook that i was happy that we picked a name but asked my friends not to ask, reminding them that they only have to wait one month. here are my status updates for today:
beno bernard lloyd hwang is at work after a morning skateboarding session at the sunnyvale skate park; happy that kenobaby hwang now has a name. it’s a secret; so please don’t ask! you’ll find out soon enough. as of today, t minus one month!!!
2009년11워17일 오전 9:45.43 pst
beno bernard lloyd hwang thinks dj hero is the strangest thing. cos… am i supposed to procrastinate from recording demo mixes to go off and play this game on my wii? i might as well procrastinate from my engineering designs to go play a game called engineer hero.
2009년11워17일 오후 1:35.39 pst
- (comment) beno bernard lloyd hwang: actually, there ought to be a game called facebook hero for people who need to procrastinate from real facebooking!
2009년11워17일 오후 2:18.48 pst
there’s lots of hype over the video game dj hero, huh? i suppose the video game company that makes it wants it to be the hit game for this christmas, huh?
[later] 밤, 918p: well, kaela and i had planned to go to taekwondo practice tonight; but we also planned to have a california highway patrol (chp) officer inspect our infant car seat and bases in our cars at 600p in fremont at the chp nimitz inspection facility. because of the horrible silicon valley traffic on (the) 237 and (the) 880, we were late to our appointment and stayed late at our appointment. we ended up missing taekwondo practice. i pondered hitting the gym for a stairmaster / stationary bike / weightlifting workout. however, when we got home, because i knew i had left my bluetooth headphones in my office, i agreed with kaela just for us two to take sooni for a short walk around the neighbourhood for tonight’s exercise. it wasn’t enough exercise but better than nothing. after that, we came home and cooked pasta with organic ground beef and some green peppers from our backyard.
[later] 밤, 1028p: i guess many nights these days at home are relatively “chill.”
we have yet to install it in either of our cars. next tuesday evening at 600p, we have a car seat inspection appointment at the nimitz chp inspection facility. gee, i hope i don’t have to miss taekwondo practice. i hope we’ll be done in time. i missed taekwondo practice this week on tuesday because of the newborn care class. *sigh* maybe i should try to go back to thursday classes with sparring. i just feel so out of shape… at least out of the kind of shape needed for taekwondo sparring.