|
|
|
I like birds
-Suzie's "porn bitch" since 2001-
|
|
| |
Monday, November 17, 2003
It seemed like a good idea at first, but most actions you later regret seem to start out that way. Right after graduating this past May, I found myself with $600 in graduation money burning a hole in my pocket.
I could have deposited it into my bank account, but I didn't. This was found money; I had to spend it. To do otherwise would be to disrespect the gift. How would your aunt react if she asked you how you spent the money and you told her "It was great, I got seven or eight trips to the versateller out of it."
Sure, it might be more responsible to deposit the money into your savings, but, think about it for a second, is that really the kind of person you want to be? Ignore that "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" crap for a couple years. For now it's all about living richly and dying broke. What you need to do is spend the money on something not so practical, borderline irresponsible. Something that will amuse your elders with the frivolity of youth.
I saw the deal on Ben's Bargains the week before. It was a 2GHz Pentium 4 Dell laptop for $699 with a $100 instant rebate. That's an instant rebate, not one of those mail-in-so-you-might-forget-to-send-it-in-or-you-do-remember-to-mail-it-in-and-the-manufacturer-still-screws-you-over rebates. It was an honest to goodness instant-rebate-might-as-well-price-the-laptop-$100-lower-since-that's-all-you-have-to-pay rebates.
I didn't need a laptop, but I needed this $599 2GHz Pentium 4 laptop. It was one of those special deals that you have to jump on just for the sake of the deal. You might not need twelve cans of Sour Cream & Onion Pringles, but you do when they're only $0.75 each. The money was as good as spent by the time I slid the red pouches beneath my graduation robe.
The laptop actually priced out to just over $700 after tax, shipping, and the add-on WiFi card, but it was still a great deal. Dell changed the deal the next month to a 2GHz Celeron laptop with a $100 mail-in rebate. (Celeron = Danny DeVito, Pentium 4 = Schwarzenegger)
With the WiFi card and my wireless network, I could access the internet from the laptop anywhere in the house. I could write upstairs, downstairs, in my room, in the kitchen, in bed, or on the couch. You'd think that the laptop's portability could only encourage writing, but instead of using it to write from new, exotic locations, I ended up using it to browse the web while sitting on the couch and watching TV.
It took me almost half a year, but I have finally come to the conclusion that my laptop is evil*.
*Not the possessed, demonic kind of "evil" -more the right-wing definition of “evil”: any object, group or idea that frightens/angers the average American (the middle east, stem cell research, gay marriage, desegregation) even though it may be an irrational fear due to excessive ignorance or an attempt to scapegoat another group for events that are actually the result of one’s or one’s society’s own character flaws.
posted by James at 8:51 PM | link
Saturday, November 01, 2003
I think the most tragic aspect of humanity is our inability to transfer knowledge. We spend an entire lifetime learning about the world, but virtually all that information is lost when we die.
The scant information that we do leave behind, in the form of books or other written materials, can only be transferred to others with intense study and critical analysis. We waste most of our lives relearning information. A scientist must complete years of study before he can contribute to his field without repeating work that has already been done.
I'm probably repeating a sentiment that somebody has already expressed. Hey, I'm human; I'm ignorant.
posted by James at 10:33 PM | link
I need to put down a record of my current beliefs since I doubt that I would be able to remember what they were it in a year or two. Time for another 30 minutes of philosophy.
I believe that selfishness drives people. The desire to be free of discomfort, the self-preservation instinct, the desire to increase one's ability to act -to me, all of these fall under the category of selfishness.
Selfishness is necessary and shouldn't be a cause of shame. That does not, however, mean that the individual should always choose to satisfy their own needs over society's needs.
Depending on scale, choosing to help the group often offers the greatest prospect for personal gain. All the technology we have is the result of people working together. We need to be nice to each other because we can do more as a group than as individuals.
What exactly is the goal of the group? I don't know. Maybe it's to increase the maximum potential happiness for each individual.
Unfortunately, the larger the group becomes, the perceived benefit we get from caring about the welfare of others becomes less apparent. We'll still care about friends of family since they have a direct presence in our lives, but we have less concern over strangers.
That's why we need money -something that functions as a tangible representation of all the benefits you can obtain from society.
posted by James at 8:04 PM | link
Sunday, October 19, 2003
"Sit as little as possible; credit no thought not born in the open air and while moving freely about - in which the muscles too do not hold a festival."
(Nietzsche, trans. Hollingdale)
posted by James at 1:40 AM | link
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
For a brief period of my life, the word "sheesh" had a prominent place in my vocabulary. Thankfully, I was only seven or eight years old at the time.
Kermit the Frog was fuckin' tight.
posted by James at 9:43 PM | link
Saturday, September 27, 2003
Continued from last week...
I'm convinced that Reeves is incorrect in his belief that "Because life is uncertain, the only way to avoid pain is to be careful to hold nothing dear."
I'll grant that "to hold nothing dear" may be one way to avoid pain, but it isn't the "only way".
My way to avoid pain is to understand and accept the uncertainty of life. My own take would be: Because life is uncertain, the best way to avoid pain is to understand that anything you hold dear is impermanent.
Manage your own expectations, and you'll spare yourself the emotional trauma when shit happens. Lives, loves, and jobs don't last forever.
Appreciate everything you hold dear, but don't expect them to always be there. If anything, use the uncertainty to remind you to take nothing you hold dear for granted.
posted by James at 9:46 PM | link
Saturday, September 20, 2003
In Happy Mondays, author Richard Reeves writes:
Anything or anybody that we invest heavily in has the power to hurt us. We grieve the loss of anything or anybody that has been precious to us. Because life is uncertain, the only way to avoid pain is to be careful to hold nothing dear. But who wants that?
Reeves makes the statement while making an argument for allowing yourself to be absorbed with work even though it puts you at emotional risk when things go wrong. He's basically arguing that caring deeply about something or somebody essentially places you in emotional jeopardy if anything bad happens to your object of affection or your relationship to it.
When I first read the passage, I found myself agreeing with the statement "Because life is uncertain, the only way to avoid pain is to be careful to hold nothing dear."
The line made me acutely aware of how little I fear the loss of anything that common belief says I should value: my possessions, my job, even my family and friends.
It may seem callous, but I simply don't fear the loss. If any of these losses were to occur, I'd be surprised, but I don't know if I'd be upset or sad, let alone emotionally devastated. Objects and people come and go. Nothing is static; change happens.
Of course, the sting of Reeve's closing "But who wants that?" judgement forced me to re-evaluate my valuation system. Is my current attitude some kind of misguided self-defense mechanism?
Nope.
But I'm tired now, so I'll explain later.
posted by James at 3:29 PM | link
Sunday, September 14, 2003
I feel left out when a television program mentions important, often tragic, moments in time that have the power to unify people -the moments where every person can recall where they were when they experienced the event or heard the news.
I never shared the excitement of seeing man walk on the moon for the first time. I wasn't around when John F. Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy, or Martin Luther King Jr. were assassinated. I think I was three when Reagan was shot (and I didn't even know someone tried to kill him until we were well into the first Bush Administration).
There are moments that I think I should remember, but I don't. I can tell you that I was in second grade when the Challenger went down, but that's only because I know it happened in '86 and I count back the years from there.
This post will be about the moments that I can remember. These aren't descriptions of the actual historical events. They're a simple recollection of my circumstances when I first learned of the news:
Nelson Mandela's release from prison - I didn't know who Nelson Mandela was, but news of his release was important enough to interrupt Saturday morning cartoons.
Fall of the Berlin Wall - I was on vacation in Hawaii with my parents. We watched the celebrations on the TV in the hotel room.
7.1 Loma Prieta Earthquake - I was at home watching TV, waiting for the World Series game (between the A's and the Giants) to start. The picture suddenly cut out, and then everything started shaking half a minute later.
LA Riots after the LAPD Rodney King criminal trial - We were on the bus ride home from a bonfire on the beach. I was listening to the radio on my walkman, and the DJ gave constant news updates on the riot situation thoughout the night.
OJ Simpson not guilty verdict - I was in Calculus class my senior year of high school, a student ran from room to room telling everyone the news. I only remember this moment because our teacher had to excuse himself from class a few minutes to recover from the blow.
I think our generation had already been raised with the understanding that the judicial system couldn't be trusted (see Rodney King trial above), but the older generation, who had the privilege of witnessing historic civil rights cases and high publicity murder verdicts, had a certain amount of trust and respect for the justice system.
Tupac's Death - I walked into the common room in the dorm, and Richard asked me if I heard that Tupac died yet. I thought he was kidding at first; I didn't even know Tupac had been shot earlier that week.
They played the radio over the loudspeakers in the dining commons that night -something they never did. Everyone ate dinner while listening to the DJs play Tupac's "Life Goes On" over and over in between tearful on-air listener testimonials.
9/11 - I remember checking sfgate.com, the first thing I do every morning. The top story picture looked like something out of a movie: a panicked man in an impossibly white button down shirt was running away from a large, expanding smoke cloud behind him. They changed the image a few minutes later to a picture of the smoking building remains, but I can't seem to forget the stark contrast between the white shirt and the dark smoke.
Those are the moments I remember. I probably have more, but they haven't come to mind while writing this post.
I think these circumstance memories may provide interesting insight into an individual's and an entire generation's world perspective. I don't remember what I was doing when I heard Princess Di or Biggie Smalls died, but other people probably do.
What do you remember? Why?
posted by James at 9:32 PM | link
Thursday, September 11, 2003
This article makes me feel better about not being impressed with most of the work I had to read during my last two weeks at Cal.
posted by James at 11:20 PM | link
Sunday, August 03, 2003
Ever since I moved back down to the South Bay, I've been looking for a new cafe to take the place of the old Double Rainbow boba cafe I used to frequent up in Richmond -just somewhere where I can drink overly sweet milk tea while doing some studying and writing.
I've never been able to read or study at home because of all the easy-access distractions: TV, Playstation2, Counter-Strike, food, sleep, etc. The day job is also draining, so it's way too easy just to give in to distraction when I get home from work.
Some people have quiet study places at home, but I'm not disciplined enough for that kind of setup. Due to poor impulse control and a dreadfully inadequte justification reflex (wow, that was a really interesting sentence I just read, I think I'll let it sink in while I play Grand Theft Auto: Vice City for a few hours) , I need to be physically removed from potential distractions in order to get any work done.
And that's why I'm here at Tapioca Express, drinking an almond milk tea (no tapioca) and writing a blog entry from my laptop. They have a wireless network which is good because I'll be able to blog, but also bad because I'll be able to browse the web and chat while I'm supposed to be writing.
I'll try coming here two or three times a week. Hopefully, I'll be able to produce material and accomplish some book learning on a regular basis.
posted by James at 4:57 PM | link
Saturday, July 19, 2003
(Automated e-mail)
Sent: Wednesday, July 09, 2003 7:21 PM
Dear customer,
Your order has been shipped out via FedEx on 07/09/03. Please use the following tracking number to check on the shipping status.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Thank you for shopping with us!
Sent: Tuesday, July 15, 2003 11:22 PM
Thanks. Any idea why it went to Memphis TN (arrived there on July 15 @ 6:29PM).
D. XXXXXXX
Sent: Wednesday, July 16, 2003 1:13 PM
Hello Mr. XXXXXXX,
I usually only monitor these e-mails and let our customer care representatives do their jobs, but I found your case intriguing.
Personally, I think that's the first time I've ever seen FedEx route a package that far away. Ground shipments within California, after we get the order out the door, usually take one or two days at the most. I checked your invoice, and all the shipping information seems to be in order (address and zip code match), so it looks like FedEx is responsible for the error.
The FedEx tracking page correctly lists San Luis Obispo as the destination address, so the package should get to you, albeit in a roundabout manner. I apologize for the delay. If you want, I can stare menacingly at the FedEx driver the next time I see him.
Please let me know if the package does not arrive by FedEx's estimated delivery date.
Take care,
James
Internet Marketing Manager
XXXXXXXXXXX, Inc.
www.xxxxxxxxxx.com
posted by James at 10:25 AM | link
Sunday, July 06, 2003
I thought they were cats at first. Two sets of glowing eyes, reflecting the light from the headlights of the minivan driving in front of me (probably my headlights too). I could tell by the way that the eyes were bobbing up and down that they were running, trying to make it across the street.
The silhouettes weren't right. They were a little too large and ran with a pronounced gait, rear ends bouncing up way too high to be confused for a smooth, catlike stride. A glimpse of grey and black confimed that they were raccoons.
I had only seen solitary raccoons in the past, usually just passing through the front yard (each time the raccoon would calmly look at me and then continue on his way), so seeing these two raccoons together, running almost side-by-side no less was a surprise. Unfortunately, they were also running directly into the path of the minivan in front of me.
The minivan's break lights flashed briefly before swerving a little and then driving on. One was lying motionless in the middle of the road. The other had made it back to the sidewalk. I turned down the street and parked in front of my house. I got out of my car and started walking back up the street.
In Berkeley, I once saw a squirrel get clipped by a car driving in front of me. The squirrel tumbled and then lay still on the ground for a while before hopping back up and scampering away. Maybe the raccoon was only briefly stunned like the squirrel was.
But, for some inexplicable reason, I also wanted to see if the other raccoon had stopped to examine its companion. I liked the idea of perhaps seeing the raccoon either tending to its companion or even mourning an incomprehensible loss. Not that I'd particularly enjoy seeing a grieving animal, but it would be a sign that, yes, raccoons do care about each other.
As I walked up the street, I noticed the other raccoon standing on the sidewalk corner right in front of me.
It looked at me and then quickly disappeared. It had already crossed the street, away from its fallen companion. I walked towards the scene of the accident, knowing what I would find. The other raccoon was still in the middle of the street, lying motionless.
posted by James at 12:41 AM | link
Monday, June 23, 2003
Yup, I started work last week. But I shouldn't write about it right now since I don't know who will be Google-ing me for the first few weeks.
posted by James at 12:25 AM | link
Monday, June 16, 2003
Had my first day of work today, and now I have the overwhelming urge to blog. Unfortunately, it's not one of those urges inspired by a desire for an instantly gratifying blogging experience. Rather, it's an urge to blog in a desperate attempt to nurture some creative outlet not yet twisted for the sole purpose of capital gain.
Maybe, just maybe, if I'm careful enough to blog a little every day, making sure not too blog too much or too little, I could grow a small creativity tree of my very own. I could prune it by editing well, and keep it well nourished with a healthy diet of new experiences and observations.
As it grows bigger, I'll be able to blog more and more, and it'll soon grow large enough to offer a weary man shade from the harsh drudgery of corporate life. That's when you cut it down and make it into magazine articles, short stories, novels, screenplays, and all different kinds of mass market media.
posted by James at 11:26 PM | link
Thursday, June 05, 2003
Happy Birthday Mikey!
posted by James at 11:53 PM | link
|
|
| |
|
|
|
