There once was a student
Who went to "the farm,"
A grievous decision
That caused him great harm.
In high school, you see,
This student was fine
'Til going to Stanfurd
Verschnikered his mind.
The first day of school
He met Buffy and Tad
And Mitchell and Muffy -
They didn't seem bad.
Things looked just rosy;
Would the student forget
That going to Stanfurd
Put his family in debt?
But all was not kosher
No, not one bit,
That bright glossy coating
Hid big piles of shit.
You see, Tad was a racist -
Liked closing the borders
And sweet little Muffy
Had six eating disorders.
Mitch liked to date-rape.
And Buffy - quite a whore!
Fred Savage just wasn't
Kevin Arnold anymore.
"Leave me alone!" he'd cry
Out loud in his sleep
While his suitemates continued
To rape chickens and sheep.
His spirits had sunk
His will to succeed had died.
But he couldn't flunk out
Not even when he tried.
"Perhaps there'll be solace
In football," thought he
Until he found out that
Their mascot's a tree.
He thought she could help,
So he went out and sought her.
Yes you guessed it,
The President's daughter!
He thought she would help him
If he screwed her blue
But her bodyguard fired
His point twenty-two.
Our hero distraught
Devised one last plan
He'd defect to Berkeley
With The Axe in his hand!!!
When he got to Cal,
The joke was on him, though,
Cal took the axe, stole all his money,
and left him in People's Park bound naked to a chair... -oh.