Corporate grant leads to scientific breakthrough
Tuesday, May 8, 2001

by Tim Inouye
INTENDED CHEMICAL ENGINEERING MAJOR

Berkeley, CA - Due to a generous corporate grant from Infinity Plus One Productions to Tim Inouye, an extremely talented student and possibly the world's greatest chemist, was able to complete his revolutionary research project on metals and organic materials.

The project, the exact nature of which cannot be revealed for security reasons, was one of the most important, yet poorly funded and under-staffed, research groups ever. However, once IP1 added their vast resources to the project, the group was finished in only a few days.

"We hope that this sends a message to the entire scientific community that we want to help all kinds of research, and not just explosives and chemical warfare," said John Tsai, Director of Research and Development. "We also want to advertise our name to aspiring students, so that when they come looking for a job, they will come to us and help us create new and innovative ways to destroy."

"The company donated all of their quarterly earnings to my project and that really gave my project a much needed boost," said Inouye, who is also the company’s head of Public Safety Maintenance. "The only down side was when I was in the lab and the lights went out and I couldn’t turn on any of the lamps because there weren’t any outlets."

The Nobel Prize committee for chemistry was not available for comment.