Thousands die during training

by Tim Inouye
SOON-TO-BE DICTATOR OF WORLD

Secret Training Grounds - Thousands of the para-military force under the control of Infinity Plus One Productions died yesterday as sweltering temperatures, dehydration and lack of outlets for fans and air conditioners reached new highs.

The military training, which took place at an undisclosed facility, was supposed to be a one day harmless exercise. However, it was cut short as hundreds of the corporate soldiers were struck down with dehydration. Tim Inouye, the head of public safety maintenance, was in charge of this exercise.

While unwilling to comment on the exact location of the training grounds, Inouye did say "The company wanted me to train the troops. I wanted a tropical vacation. We reached a compromise."

The news was met by a moment of silence by all those in the company, which was quickly broken by a jubilant yell of "Woo hoo!" from chief mortician Deborah Yang.

The lack of cold water and temperature lowering devices, such as fans and air conditioning, is blamed mostly due to the lack of electrical outlets. Making the soldiers also wear 5 layers of clothing was also probably another cause of the high death toll.

While the initial intent of the military exercise has not been disclosed, rumors were abundant, ranging anywhere from the testing of a nuclear prototype weapon to reports that the soldiers were just playing too much Counterstrike.

The official deathtoll reached an undisclosed number, however they did claim that it was "in the thousands" and that it was "not a significant portion of the army".