Energy conservation embraced by IP1

by Tim Inouye
POWER NAZI

Berkeley, CA - In trying to help do its part to help in the energy crisis, Infinity Plus One Productions has declared that several non-essential pieces of equipment in their main offices are to be turned off to conserve energy.

The statement comes only mere hours after a memo from vice president Brian Wong stated that unless some of the company's luxuries were cut, essentials like the presidential hot tub and the high-intensity anti-missle laser defense system could lose power.

IP1 has announced that they will cut energy to several machines, including the elevator, fax machine, Christmas lights and the 10 foot ceiling fan. When asked to comment, President Lou Huang said "It is essential that we start conserving power. We hope our efforts will reduce electrical costs by over 25%."

As a result of the elevator losing power, elevator guy Nick Leefer was reassigned to the staircase. According to an internal message, Leefer is now required to "Open all doors leading from the staircase into the hall for all employees, regardless of what floor they are on." After only 6 hours of doing this, it was estimated that Leefer ran up and down 1000 flights of stairs.

Alternatives to this method are being discussed. Although nothing concrete has been determined, rumors claim that the company may do anything from issuing Leefer a personal anti-gravity harness to making a private elevator for him to go up and down the floors.

Alternative sources of energy, including, but not limited to, expanding the secret nuclear power plant and harnessing 5th dimensional particles, were also discussed. But so far, no concrete plans have been made.