COMPANY HISTORY
COMPANY HISTORY
It wasn't long before Andy and Mike discovered that they had much in common. Besides the fact that they were both incredibly good looking, brilliant, and great athletes, they shared a common love for the stock market, and in making money. However, they were concerned that they didn't see many other people their age taking advantage of investment opportunities.
Then, one day, as Michael and Andy were sipping YooHoo and discussing the major problems in the world, Michael, also known as Mike, snapped. "I simply can't live with it anymore!!!", he cried. "What is it Mike?", said Andy, "Is it all the starving children in third-world countries that is bothering you?". "No, it isn't that", whimpered Mike, face twisted in passion, "It's all the people that just don't know how to invest their money wisely! It is tearing me apart!". "I agree Mike", Andy said, offering him a handkercheif, "But what can we, two incredibly good-looking, brilliant, great athletes do about it?" "We can start a business!", Mike exclaimed, "Dedicated to helping young investors make wise decisions with their money!" "YES! YES! YES!", Andy agreed, feeling Mike's pain. "It is our duty as incredibly good-looking, brilliant, great athletes to dedicate our lives to this worthy cause. Do not fear my friend, for I am with you! You are not alone!"
That was July 4th, a day that will forever be celebrated in American history as the day that Honest Guys Investing Co., was born. God Bless America!
PERSONAL:
Height- 5'9 (in heels)
Weight- 150 (sopping wet)
Hair- yes
Eyes- yes
Sex- Soon, I hope
It was a dark and windy night. On July 12th, 1978, Carolyn McFarland began to feel a pain in her stomach. But it couldn't be the baby, for she had only been pregnant for 8 months. Obviously, it was merely a stomach pain brought on by the gallon jar of pickles she had just consumed. But as the pain increased, it became clear that this was not your ordinary ache, she had infact gone into labor. In a couple of hours, out popped little Andrew Curtis McFarland. As expected, he was 3 weeks premature, as he was eager to get out and start making money in the stock market.
It was soon learned that little Andy had quite an interest in the business world. After 8 months, it seemed as though he was ready to say his first word. "Ma-ma", his mother urged him on, "Ma-ma", trying to help him form the sounds. Imagine the shock on his unsuspecting parents faces when he blurted out "Buy Intel daddy, their high return on investment ratio and computer specialization will prove to be fruitful in upcoming years." The seed had been planted.
Growing up, Andy was not your average child. While all the other kids were playing with toys and watching cartoons, the TV in the McFarland house was always tuned to "CNN Business Update", and the only toy that Andy used was his "Lil Investor Hostile Takeover Kit". By the time he was 7, he was on the Fortune 500 list of top mutual fund managers. At age 10, he increased his ownership of Disney Co. to 15 million shares, becoming the corporations largest private owner.
It seemed like nothing could go wrong for Andy. He had it all- charisma, ambition, power, wealth, and beautiful women. But then, when he turned 13, something happened. Andy turned to drugs and drinking. He would sneak behind the school to the railroad tracks every day at recess and consume Flintstone's vitamins and strawberry Kool-Aid with some older boys in his grade school. He lost his interest in the stock market, and blew his entire fortune on an ill-fated invesment in solar flashlights.
Andy would then live as a "normal" kid until his sophomore year at Cal. Late one night, while watching old reruns of "Dukes of Hazard", he saw a blinding flash outside of his Unit 2 dormroom. He walked outside to see what it was, and almost fainted when he saw a holy image in the sky. It was the big guy himself, the King of Kings. I am speaking, of course, of Warren Buffet, Billionaire investor and CEO of Berkshire Hathaway, an investing company. Buffet spoke to Andy of the joys and pleasures of investing, and Andy rediscovered his love of investing. In the last 4 months, not only has he rebuilt his own personal fortune, but through his uncanny expertise he has also helped many loyal customers acheive disgusting amounts of money themselves.
McFarland now resides in Berkeley, as a sophomore at CAL, the worlds greatest university. He divides his time between his girlfriend Joan at Santa Barbara (HI BOO!), his business, his fraternity (Phi Kappa Tau), and his studies, in that order.
PERSONAL:
Height: 6'5
Weight: 220
Percentage Body Fat: 0%
Most Recent Benchpressing Record: 735
Yesterday's Winning Lotto Numbers: 8, 22, 33, 37, 41, 48
Ahhh, memories of childhood are fond for everyone. Playing dodge ball in the middle of the street, pushing your friends on the swings at the park, peaking in your brothers room to watch him have sex with his girlfriend. These are unforgettable moments.
No such moments existed, however, for Mike Cohen. This strapping young man, whose handsome facial features were already developing at the young age of five, was kept off the streets full of kids, and out of the parks with swings. With his parents always at work, Mike, at the age of five, was forced to sit in a tiny room with only two things--a telephone that was directly connected to the stock brokers office and a television with the parental control locked on CNBC.
With only these two items to survive, Mike began to invest his meager amounts of money in stocks. After several years of "investments abuse" by his parents, they decided to send him off to college. By the time he arrived as a student at the best university in the world, Berkeley, his investments totaled over 800 million dollars. Going to Berkeley was Mike's first experience outside of the horrid tiny room in which he sat every day for so many years. Mike was shocked to see how many people are so ignorant and foolish about investing, so he teamed up together with one of these people, Andy McFarland, to create what is now the largest investment company in the world.
Through the years Mike became very knowledgeable in the investmenting and stock market field, which he attributes to the never-ending days of sitting in that tiny room as a little child. Mike is the one to be credited for the infamous Honest Guys Company special employee training plan in which employees spend one month in a tiny room by themselves to learn about stocks.
