The Dating Scene is Stupid: My Interpretation of ``Beautiful Thing''

3.3.99

Sexuality manifests it self sooner or later in ones life. How has things changed since we were young? Other then us not throwing objects at one another from the sand box - it's still all the same bullshit games except instead of throwing mud, we throw words.

But in coming of age I guess we learn how to selectively filter out what we say - and yet the premise is still all the same. Remeniscent of the old TV show Flippy The Squid in which characters run around hitting each other with rubber mallets and screaming ``Gotcha!'' we go about our daily tribulations tying to rationalize and evolutionary instinct to breed. This is the modern day coming of are rite; when a group of youngsters stop acting like kids and truly begin acting like children.

This is a slow rite for the modern day youth - a rite which begins in junior high (sometimes elementary school) and then progresses on until we are placed in a 6''x3'' pine box. Each session of this rite leaves you like a drug, spnt and wanting more. Memory recalls several times spent playing the same kind of games on the target sex over and over again. This is the rite of passage,

Generic Pickup Scene: 

random guy: ``Hello, my names is jeff ... I like cookies and watermellon.''
random girl: ``This is insane''
And this is all we aspire to, as our chromosomes cry out for meiosis and our gametes scream for release we induce bizarre syntax and semantics in to our world.

College/intellectual/slacker Pickup Scene: 

random guy: ``The elephant sat on the grass.''

random girl: ``Man do I hate anchovies.''

``You want to set it pretty far towards max speed probably.''

``Pig Fucker!''

``Have you seen south park this week?''

``Yes, want to go to bed?''

``Sure''
The the sexual rite begins. My friends would try to say indiscretely that they were rich, successful, and believed in safe sex and women's lib in the world. Like the time I went to the store and bought a sixpack and was horribly disappointed to find out that the woman in the budweiser commercials did not come with the six pack - there is a genre of dissilusionment in this scene. Like a rock. Like a planet hit by an atom bomb, we live in the wake of the fallout unperturbed amongst the joy an the madness of pomo America.

Gen X Pickup Scene: 

random Gen X guy: ``Everything sucks today.''

random Gen X neohippie girl: ``I know, I liked it better when... 
                             [insert random past genre here]

``Have you seen Singles?''

``Yeah, I bought a new remote yesterday.''

``Want to go to bed?''

``Sure.''
But is it all worth it? What do we really learn? Do we get washed clean of all or out past doubts and fears of out pre-adolescent existence by undergoing this supposedly catharctic ``ceremonie d'initiation'' that we will learn more about our pathetic myopic existence on this planet.

Corporate Buzzword/Haas Pickup Scene: 

random corporate yuppie guy: ``...cost ratio...production schedule...''

random corporate soon-to-be-trophy-wife/power bitch ``The promise of the internet...''

``...object oriented...''

``...Y2k COmpliant...''

``...cyberSex?''

``...not viable merger...''

``Ecash.''

``Sure.''
Does it matter what is said? Not really. Infact I sincerely question the validity of the ritual. It manifests itself in all sorts of subcultures and still does not leave us with any sort of sense of what goes on in our attempt to come of age. Does the mating ritual have any bearing on coming of age? We can analyze this by seeing if the act of having a child is any indication of being mature. It clearly is not, as some of my friends back home had children when they were 14 or 15 and still have not developed past adolescence. What has the rite taught anyone? Other than instilling within us the Hobbesian belief of a nasty brutish existence, this rite simply makes us all the more immature since we vow (after each failed relationship - and they all do fail) to never be hurt like that again. This manifests itself as the idea: ``Do onto others before they do onto you.'' Thus this nihilistic un-coming of age lesson is what is learned.