Funny Quotes

TDawgey: what time are you getting up tomororw
aimeeym: not sure
aimeeym: in the morning
TDawgey: why? morning?
aimeeym: cuz that's when people should wake up
TDawgey: oh really?
TDawgey: no. they should get up in the afternoon
aimeeym: no
aimeeym: that's for lazy ass

Oliver:
Hopefully when you go on a plane next time, you will
sit right next to the big fat indian
the fat indian is going to have a breathe that smell like curry
that indian don't stop talking about how she smells really bad. 
and there is a black fat afrian american right next to you
eating water melon, fried chicken, and red coolant
she will be siting on seat number "fao"
they will be talking to each other their sex problem and how they 
don't clean themselves

Oliver:
differnt race have their own superior thing
black have big dick
asian have brain
mexican got beans
white people have red neck


Oliver:
There was one time when I was with a girl
I put down my pants. The girl was like
Oh my god. You have three legs
No, that my dick dude
She was so sacred and ran away
That night I need to go back and masturbate with my towel at home


someone: Oh Carissa, I can never go out with a girl...
Carissa: Hmm What do you think of guys?
someone: what do you mean? Why do you ask?
Carissa: I don't know. Maybe guys knows you better

Claire is getting prepared for her dance..
Terence: Jiun, Is it possible for guys to wear strapless dress?
Jiun: Yes, Only when he flex
Jiun: Oh my god, my left tits is getting smaller, my dress is 
falling down. Need to flex more


Jiun: My college expereince tell me that I will never ever have 
a roomate again. Unless it is girl who is wearing a ring
(A pause )
Terence: Oh I thought you were talking about somebody's wife
Carission:  Of course not, he is talking about his wife

Claire (joking): Candice cannot believe how racist I become. I 
said Vietnamise is like the mexican of the Asian and Philipinos 
is like the black of the Asian.

Jiun (joking): I believe people should be classified by their 
gene. If the detector say beep, good good. If the detector say 
doa, dump that kid to the trash.

Terence: When I was studying GRE, I got all depressed. I really 
wished I drove an airplane and crash it to whereever ETS is. 
Claire: That's what I said too!

Claire: Why is there a siren sound in this rap song?
Nhue: I think that will make black people drive faster
Jiun: No since black cannot afford cars, they run faster

Nhue: I think all White people are going to extinguished from
skin cancer

Jiun (written):
My ass hurts. it also itches.
I want to scrath it
but there are other people around
actually, i don't care if there are other people around
I would just scratch my ass anyways
but my ass smells like shit
if i scratch my ass, my hands will also smell like shit
and i need my hands to eat
but I will scratch my ass anyways

Claire: There is a guy who embedded metal ball bearings into 
his skin so that he'd look like a snake.
Terence: Who would actually like a guy like that?
Nhue: Probably a girl who wants to have sex with a reptile.  
She might as well just swim in a pond with a crocodile and 
have sex with it.

villian inside the house and female ninjai is spoting outside.
villian: That's a nice pair you have over there
Girl: No, don't do that. I am not ready yet.. NOO...
Villian: Not ready? But I am ready. Let me show you mine!! Wo 
haha
(Female Ninjai break into the house)
Villian: How dare you interrupt my pair of cards
Girl: Ah... Let me go.
Villain: It looks like you choose a wrong party to crash. Step 
aside or I will have to kill you

Agent Smith: Missstterrr Anderson... Welcome back

Raymond and Deborah are kissing
Raymond: Deborah, no no you are killing me. You cann't do this. 
my parents are coming. You have activated the launch sequences

Raymond (singing a christmas song): You better watch out. you 
better watch out...you better watch out...

Mrs. Simpson: (After all those workout). Let's do it!
Mrs Simpson jumps on top of Mr Simpson
Mr Simpson: Not now
Mrs. Simpson: I didn't ask

Terence: Wouldn't it be funny you said "Sa yo na na" (as your 
dying words) to your lover and close your eyes, then you realised 
that you didn't die?

From the TV 
why why miyuki?
you .. me .... we were suppose to alway be together
what do you mean ?
its' because ...
beacuse i ....
the reason is i love you
nayosan ....
miyuki ....
I found this to be funny somewhow

Terence: I want to change my name. It is too long
Yonnie: Benjo, Gayno, Muscle, Berkeley

Pavel:
I really wanted to go to X, but unfortunately I didn't get accepted.  
They told me that although there is a lot of good looking people in 
X, I am still too beautiful.  And all the dude were 
afraid that I am going to steal their ladies.  Bunch of haters.  (Good 
thing I didn't show them my cock, because they would kick me out of 
country out of jelousy). 

Pavel:
What the fuck is wrong with you? You think I own a casino in Las Vegas to 
call your ass internationally. Your nigga as is fucking crazy

Terence:
Instruction on how to use this shit.
Shake well before use
Look at it from the top to the bottom and appreciate its natural 
elegance
Hold it firmly and feel it, it should be soft and chucky at the same 
time
For best result, try it with your cereal. Once you try it, you will 
never go back.
Lift it up high in the air, and splash it on the ground.
If you are mean enough, throw it at your brothers or sisters.
Our shit comes with a money back guarantee. If we do not satisfy your 
needs, return it to get your money back.

Typical American Doctor
"How can I help you?"
"I called your office last Friday asking for a
medication release. A nurse said I can get it on
Saturday. But..."
"hold on."
6 minutes later, the line was on again.
"How can I help you?"
"It's me again. I need a medicine urgently..."
"You can have the pharmacy fax us."
"No, not that. I just need the doctor to give them a
call. I need the medicine desperately..."
"Hold on."
5 minutes passed.
"How can I help you."
"Yes, I ..."
"Hold on"
I felt I was losing my patience. 2 minutes latter,
"How can I.."
"OK, I need a medicine. Can I talk to a nurse please?"
"All nurses are taking care of patients. You can leave
your name and phone number. Somebody will call you
back."
"But I'm a patient too. Would you listen to my
explanation without interrupting it?"
"Your explanations are ridiculous. I have many other
phone calls to take care of. Tell me your name,
somebody will call you back."
Faint. This is the first time I was told "ridiculous"
by being a customer. I don't know why she was acting
so rude. I tried to ask her name, so I can make a
complain. She said, "You can not have it." Then hung
up on me.  I called again, the line was keeping busy.

Definition of American (Source from urban dictionary)
Definition 1.
An american is someone born in the United States of America, 
they can be divided into 3 sub catagories.
1. Cool American
2. Ignorant americans, fat dudes who watch football all day on TV 
while eating their pizza. They only know about football and nothing else.
3. George Bush, even worse than Amercan number 2.

Definiton 2.
A person supporting the current president who
1. Could not name the state capitals when he was sworn into office.
2. Could not name over half of the world's political leaders.
3. Cannot construct a gramatically correct sentence.
4. Does not understand economic theory.
5. Used to be an alcoholic.
6. Used to be a coke-head.
7. Went AWOL during the Vietnam War because he was scared.
8. Did not know whether Spain was a Republic or Kingdom.
9. Could not point out Iraq on a map whilst simultaneously wishing to bomb 
it.
10. Was almost assassinated by a pretzel!!