wu :: forums
« wu :: forums - Why do relationships require physical intimacy? »

Welcome, Guest. Please Login or Register.
Mar 19th, 2024, 4:23am

RIDDLES SITE WRITE MATH! Home Home Help Help Search Search Members Members Login Login Register Register
   wu :: forums
   general
   psychology
(Moderators: Grimbal, towr, Icarus, william wu, SMQ, Eigenray, ThudnBlunder)
   Why do relationships require physical intimacy?
« Previous topic | Next topic »
Pages: 1  Reply Reply Notify of replies Notify of replies Send Topic Send Topic Print Print
   Author  Topic: Why do relationships require physical intimacy?  (Read 18987 times)
makemine
Newbie
*





   
WWW

Gender: female
Posts: 1
Why do relationships require physical intimacy?  
« on: Jun 5th, 2009, 12:00am »
Quote Quote Modify Modify

I really don't understand why sexual contact is a requirement when in a relationship.
 
I'm an asexual male; and my last girlfriend pretty much left me because I wouldn't do anything sexual with her. I just didn't see the appeal of it, and didn't think it would be a problem since girls don't really have a sex drive.
 
Why can't a relationship exist without sex?
IP Logged
towr
wu::riddles Moderator
Uberpuzzler
*****



Some people are average, some are just mean.

   


Gender: male
Posts: 13730
Re: Why do relationships require physical intimacy  
« Reply #1 on: Jun 5th, 2009, 4:37am »
Quote Quote Modify Modify

on Jun 5th, 2009, 12:00am, makemine wrote:
I really don't understand why sexual contact is a requirement when in a relationship.
It isn't.
It's a requirement for a sexual relationship. But there are many different kinds of relationships. Even if you mean (and from context you clearly do) a personal, intimate relationships, they don't necessarily imply sexual contact. There are different ways in which two (or more) people can be intimate.
However, people are animals, and most do have a natural inclination toward sexually intimate relationships. (A species that does not reproduce tends to go extinct.) Consequently, it tends to be a basic assumption/expectation in a relationship. This may cause problems when such a basic expectation isn't met. (As with any expectation of what is "the norm" in a relationship.)
 
Quote:
I'm an asexual male; and my last girlfriend pretty much left me because I wouldn't do anything sexual with her. I just didn't see the appeal of it, and didn't think it would be a problem since girls don't really have a sex drive.
*facepalms* If you're going to believe stereotypes, then you do realize you should be a sex-crazed maniac, right? "Because all men are."
Women really do have sex-drives, honestly. They may work a bit differently than males, but even that may be as much a result of cultural influence as nature. For instance there's a huge double standard, where promiscuous males are congratulated as heroes and promiscuous females are derided as whores. Yeah, if I was a girl, then I'd hide my sex drive as well.
In either case, it's not an assumption you should make; any more than that a girl should assume you want to, or ought to want to, jump her. Being asexual is unusual, so it requires clear communication and breaking with assumptions. And of course that's difficult, because many people won't even believe asexuality exists (I've seen that happen on another forum). You could try and see if there is a support forum somewhere, so you can talk with someone that has actual experience with it.
 
Quote:
Why can't a relationship exist without sex?
It can, but it requires finding someone else that also doesn't expect/seek sex in a relationship. There are asexual women as well, after all; the problem is finding them.
 
And of course there's the question of whether sex simply doesn't appeal to you, or whether it outright disgusts you. There are reasons other than sexual appetite why you might engage in sex. And of course I'm not saying you should do it against your will (you shouldn't), but if it doesn't repulse you, you might do it for your partner, and take pleasure in pleasing her rather than in the act.
 
 
 
My only concern is whether you're just spamming, considering the links in your signature,  and registering  as female in contrast to what you say in your post.
« Last Edit: Jun 5th, 2009, 4:45am by towr » IP Logged

Wikipedia, Google, Mathworld, Integer sequence DB
SMQ
wu::riddles Moderator
Uberpuzzler
*****






   


Gender: male
Posts: 2084
Re: Why do relationships require physical intimacy  
« Reply #2 on: Jun 8th, 2009, 6:16am »
Quote Quote Modify Modify

on Jun 5th, 2009, 4:37am, towr wrote:

My only concern is whether you're just spamming, considering the links in your signature,  and registering  as female in contrast to what you say in your post.

I've already deleted a couple of makemine's posts as assumed link spam, but perhaps this was in response to the PM I sent about posting something more substantive next time.  Unless (s)he responds we may never know.
 
--SMQ
IP Logged

--SMQ

ThudnBlunder
wu::riddles Moderator
Uberpuzzler
*****




The dewdrop slides into the shining Sea

   


Gender: male
Posts: 4489
Re: Why do relationships require physical intimacy  
« Reply #3 on: Jul 14th, 2009, 4:42am »
Quote Quote Modify Modify

on Jun 5th, 2009, 12:00am, makemine wrote:
I'm an asexual male;

Nature is truly subtle.  Kiss
IP Logged

THE MEEK SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH.....................................................................er, if that's all right with the rest of you.
wade32
Newbie
*



If you spit in the wind, you'll get wet!

   
WWW

Gender: male
Posts: 44
Re: Why do relationships require physical intimacy  
« Reply #4 on: Apr 4th, 2012, 9:48pm »
Quote Quote Modify Modify

They say that an infant will die if it doesn't experience any kind of physical touch.  Touch, whether sexual or otherwise, is needed for our very existence and ingrained in our heads at birth.  When you deny this attribute, people start becoming emotional whether in aggressiveness or catatonical.  Touch affects the brain.  The poster even needs to be touched that is probably why his worldview of women is screwed up!
IP Logged
annikkaa
Newbie
*





   


Posts: 4
Re: Why do relationships require physical intimacy  
« Reply #5 on: Apr 27th, 2013, 1:37pm »
Quote Quote Modify Modify

May be you are too young?
IP Logged
Nursejim
Junior Member
**




The 1 Inch Punch

   
WWW

Gender: male
Posts: 53
Re: Why do relationships require physical intimacy  
« Reply #6 on: Sep 16th, 2013, 1:12pm »
Quote Quote Modify Modify

The question is still valid despite the reasons for asking.....on Apr 4th, 2012, 9:48pm, wade32 wrote:
They say that an infant will die if it doesn't experience any kind of physical touch.  Touch, whether sexual or otherwise, is needed for our very existence and ingrained in our heads at birth.  When you deny this attribute, people start becoming emotional whether in aggressiveness or catatonical.  Touch affects the brain.  The poster even needs to be touched that is probably why his worldview of women is screwed up!

 
 This is very true Wade. I have heard the same thing. Although it is disturbing to think about how you find out such info about a neglected infant. That is cruel. Simple fact is we are sensual creations. We need touch. It is a nurturing feeling that we crave all the way down to the deepest depths of our core. It is only through our environment and other social stressors that we "learn" to suppress those feelings.
 
For instance one can be trained to feel pain on a much smaller level... even no pain at all to hurtful stimuli. Many soldiers and even fire fighters experience this.
 
I have dated women who seem extremely cold and distant but it was not that they didn't want affection or need affection...... they were hurt somewhere in the past by that affection and now have a protective mechanism against such hurt. It blows my mind how deep psychological pain can cut. I am in a class right now called ACE overcomers. Adverse Childhood Experiences. Even life expectancy can decrease by 20 years or more from Ace's.  
 
So in respects to the original question.... All are born with some sort of self preserving sex drive I would imagine until it is also suppressed. In my honest opinion ALL relationship require open and honest expression and communication and any/all of the rest will follow. Just my two cents worth.
IP Logged

Advanced Sales Funnel System
movie4fun
Newbie
*





   


Gender: male
Posts: 49
Re: Why do relationships require physical intimacy  
« Reply #7 on: Aug 18th, 2014, 5:36pm »
Quote Quote Modify Modify

Because its in our nature?
IP Logged
anglia
Junior Member
**





   
WWW

Gender: female
Posts: 60
Re: Why do relationships require physical intimacy  
« Reply #8 on: Jul 24th, 2015, 1:43am »
Quote Quote Modify Modify

It's physically need like other ones include eating.
IP Logged

ebooks
Pages: 1  Reply Reply Notify of replies Notify of replies Send Topic Send Topic Print Print

« Previous topic | Next topic »

Powered by YaBB 1 Gold - SP 1.4!
Forum software copyright © 2000-2004 Yet another Bulletin Board