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ThudnBlunder
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Re: Math Jokes
« Reply #25 on: Jan 29th, 2004, 1:37pm » |
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How long did it take Cantor to come up with the idea of ordinal numbers?
: Forever and a day.
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What's purple and commutes?
:An Abelian grape.
What's purple, commutes, and is worshipped by a limited number of people?
: A finitely venerated Abelian grape.
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Two male mathematicians are in a bar.
The first one says to the second that the average person is mathematically ignorant.
The second one disagrees and claims that most people know at least a little math.
The first mathematician goes off to the bathroom, and in his absence the second calls over a waitress.
He tells her that in a few minutes, after his friend has returned, he will call her over and ask her a question.
All she has to do is answer "one third x cubed."
She repeats, "one thir -- dex cue"? He repeats, "one third x cubed."
She tries again: "one thir dex cuebd"? "Yes, that's right," he says.
So she agrees, and goes off mumbling to herself, "one thir dex cuebd."
The first mathematician returns, and the second proposes a bet to prove his point--that most people do know a little math.
He says he will ask the blonde waitress an integral, and the first laughingly agrees.
The second mathematician calls over the waitress and asks, "What is the integral of x squared?"
The waitress carefully says, "one third x cubed." Then, while walking away, turns back and says over her shoulder, "plus a constant."
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| « Last Edit: Jan 29th, 2004, 3:05pm by ThudnBlunder » |
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ThudnBlunder
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Re: Math Jokes
« Reply #26 on: Jan 29th, 2004, 4:31pm » |
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SOME STATISTICIAN JOKES
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What is accounting?
:What statisticians do for excitement.
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Two unbiased estimators are sitting in a bar.
One of them says, "How do you like being married?"
The other one replies, "It's okay but you lose a degree of freedom."
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A job search had narrowed to three candidates, and the directors decided to ask them, separately, a very simple question: How much is 1 plus 1?
The mathematician, when asked, looked startled, remarked that e to the minus i equals 1, rambled on, and concluded that 1 plus 1 is 2.
The accountant in his turn looked startled, began by debiting assets and crediting liabilities, rambled on, and also concluded that 1 plus 1 is 2.
When his turn came, the statistician nodded understandingly, briefly explained random distributions and finished " ..... so how much do you want it to be?"
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There was a statistician who was desperately afraid to fly because of the possibility of a bomb on the airplane. He did a great deal of research and found that there had never been two bombs on an airplane.
So, he just took a bomb with him whenever he was flying.
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| « Last Edit: Jan 29th, 2004, 4:33pm by ThudnBlunder » |
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ThudnBlunder
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Re: Math Jokes
« Reply #27 on: May 22nd, 2004, 1:37pm » |
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Here is a true story which perhaps sheds some light on how mathematicians think.
Edmund Landau, on being asked whether Emmy Noether was a great woman mathematician, replied:
"I can testify that she is a great mathematician - but that she is a woman, I cannot swear."
[Edited to correct omission pointed out by Icarus.]
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| « Last Edit: May 22nd, 2004, 5:59pm by ThudnBlunder » |
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Icarus
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Re: Math Jokes
« Reply #28 on: May 22nd, 2004, 5:17pm » |
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Was he perhaps asked if Emmy Noether was a great woman mathematician? If so, his answer was particularly appropriate!
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"Pi goes on and on and on ...
And e is just as cursed.
I wonder: Which is larger
When their digits are reversed? " - Anonymous
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ThudnBlunder
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Re: Math Jokes
« Reply #29 on: May 22nd, 2004, 5:40pm » |
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Quite right, Icarus.
That was indeed the question.
(I have now amended it.)
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| « Last Edit: May 22nd, 2004, 5:58pm by ThudnBlunder » |
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Icarus
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Re: Math Jokes
« Reply #30 on: May 23rd, 2004, 12:40pm » |
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What I particularly like about Landau's answer is that he makes it clear that Noether was a great mathematician, not just great for a woman.
One thing I am bothered by in our politically correct age is that some whose star shined brightly are actually lessened by being group with others who were included for pc reasons only. I have seen math textbooks with various vignettes about mathematicians who include a number of top male mathematicians, Emmy Noether, and several female mathematicians of lesser accomplishment, included so as to have appropriate female representation. Now admittedly, the main reason there are few great female mathematicians is the historic male-dominated culture. But someone reading these snippets is liable to note that the accomplishments listed for the men are far in excess for the women, and correctly reason as to why. When they get to Noether, they may assume that she was included for the same reason. But this is not the case: Emmy Noether deserves her ranking as one of the finest mathematical minds to have ever lived.
Landau's answer cleverly addresses this point: Emmy Noether is great in the big pond, not just the smaller one of women mathematicians.
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"Pi goes on and on and on ...
And e is just as cursed.
I wonder: Which is larger
When their digits are reversed? " - Anonymous
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ThudnBlunder
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Re: Math Jokes
« Reply #31 on: May 23rd, 2004, 12:48pm » |
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Quote:| the main reason there are few great female mathematicians is the historic male-dominated culture. |
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...and what is so 'historic' about it?? 
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| « Last Edit: May 23rd, 2004, 4:11pm by ThudnBlunder » |
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Grimbal
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Re: Math Jokes
« Reply #32 on: May 24th, 2004, 4:09pm » |
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Another joke:
Love is complex. It has real and imaginary parts.
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Sir Col
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Re: Math Jokes
« Reply #33 on: Jun 5th, 2004, 9:45am » |
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I'd heard the same one about life!
One from school...
Q. What does the zero say to the the eight?
A. Nice belt!
A great quote...
There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those that understand binary and those that don't.
And a little fallacious arguing is always amusing...
Theorem
A cat has three tails.
Proof
No cat has two tails. Since one cat has one more tail than no cat, it must have three tails.
And one for the math geeks...
Q. Do you know any catchy anagrams of Banach-Tarski?
A. Banach-Tarski Banach-Tarski.
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mathschallenge.net / projecteuler.net
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Grimbal
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Re: Math Jokes
« Reply #34 on: Jun 5th, 2004, 6:39pm » |
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on Jun 5th, 2004, 9:45am, Sir Col wrote:| Q. Do you know any catchy anagrams of Banach-Tarski? |
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Bahrain stack -- Arabic thanks
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Three Hands
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Re: Math Jokes
« Reply #35 on: Jun 5th, 2004, 7:35pm » |
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What did the Philosophy graduate say to the Maths graduate?
:: Do you want chips with that? ::
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Leo Broukhis
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Re: Math Jokes
« Reply #36 on: Jun 8th, 2004, 6:21pm » |
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on Jan 29th, 2004, 4:31pm, THUDandBLUNDER wrote:
When his turn came, the statistician nodded understandingly, briefly explained random distributions and finished " ..... so how much do you want it to be?"
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I've heard one about an economist: "Are we buying or selling?"
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Sir Col
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Re: Math Jokes
« Reply #37 on: Jun 13th, 2004, 7:30am » |
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I don't think that the numerical data quite excuses it as a math joke, but it made me chuckle...
As an aeroplane was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system.
"Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, estimated to be 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep."
From the cabin, a passenger was heard to exclaim, "Wow! It just missed the highway!"
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Noke Lieu
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Re: Math Jokes
« Reply #38 on: Jul 6th, 2004, 10:16pm » |
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Rudest joke in maths?
What's the square root of 69?
Eight something 
 A crocodile is longer than it is wide.
Proof: A crocodile is long on the top and the bottom, but it is green only on the top; consequently, a crocodile is longer than it is green. A crocodile is green along both its length and width, but it is wide only along its width; consequently, a crocodile is greener than it is wide. Therefore, a crocodile is longer than it is wide. Q.E.D.
A peanut butter sandwich is better than eternal happiness.
Proof: A peanut butter sandwich is better than nothing. But nothing is better than eternal happiness. Therefore, a peanut butter sandwich is better than eternal happiness.
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BNC
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Re: Math Jokes
« Reply #39 on: Jul 7th, 2004, 1:31am » |
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on Jul 6th, 2004, 10:16pm, Noke Lieu wrote:
... A crocodile is green along both its length and width, but it is wide only along its width; consequently, a crocodile is greener than it is wide. ...
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But it's wide on the inside as well, while it's green only on the outside, thus it's more green than wide => contradiction! P)
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How about supercalifragilisticexpialidociouspuzzler [Towr, 2007]
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Grimbal
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Re: Math Jokes
« Reply #40 on: Jul 7th, 2004, 8:08am » |
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on Jul 6th, 2004, 10:16pm, Noke Lieu wrote:[...]
A crocodile is long on the top and the bottom, but it is green only on the top; consequently, a crocodile is longer than it is green.
[...] |
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Actually, a crocodile is long from the tip of the snout to the end of the tail. But the crocodile is green from the tip of the snout to the end of the tail, plus the legs. So, the crocodile is greener than it is long.
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Noke Lieu
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Re: Math Jokes
« Reply #41 on: Jul 7th, 2004, 7:33pm » |
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Well, they aren't even green. Trust me. Not like we get many of them in Canberra, but having a job that takes me up to the top end occassionally, I can assure you they aren't green. especially on their legs, which are more dark brown than their backs. Maybe Swiss crocs are different.
As for the inside of a croc, I have no idea whether its green or purple with yellow polka dots. I mean, I know what they look like when you cut them open and chuck them on the barby, but never been inside one to comment. Apparently you really have to use that purchase to cram yourself in there....
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| « Last Edit: Jul 7th, 2004, 7:34pm by Noke Lieu » |
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towr
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Re: Math Jokes
« Reply #42 on: Feb 3rd, 2009, 9:10am » |
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Here's a whole article about math humor: http://www.ams.org/notices/200501/fea-dundes.pdf
For example:
A mathematics professor was lecturing to a class of students. As he wrote something on the board, he said to the class "Of course, this is immediately obvious."
Upon seeing the blank stares of the students, he turned back to contemplate what he had just written. He began to pace back and forth, deep in thought.
After about 10 minutes, just as the silence was beginning to become uncomfortable, he brightened, turned to the class and said, "Yes, it IS obvious."
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Wikipedia, Google, Mathworld, Integer sequence DB
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rmsgrey
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Re: Math Jokes
« Reply #43 on: Feb 3rd, 2009, 10:28am » |
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on Feb 3rd, 2009, 9:10am, towr wrote:| After about 10 minutes, just as the silence was beginning to become uncomfortable |
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Taking 10 minutes before the silence becomes uncomfortable is a sure sign that we're dealing with mathematicians
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grokcode
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Re: Math Jokes
« Reply #45 on: Feb 4th, 2009, 12:39pm » |
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Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, "So what'll it be?"
The first string says, "I think I'll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu"
"Please excuse my friend," the second string says, "He isn't null-terminated."
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ThudnBlunder
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| « Last Edit: Mar 15th, 2011, 5:53pm by ThudnBlunder » |
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Grimbal
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Re: Math Jokes
« Reply #47 on: Mar 15th, 2011, 10:25am » |
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on Jul 7th, 2004, 7:33pm, Noke Lieu wrote:Maybe Swiss crocs are different.
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The Swiss type can be found mostly on polo shirts. They are green.
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ThudnBlunder
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Re: Math Jokes
« Reply #48 on: Mar 15th, 2011, 6:00pm » |
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1) Eating fat can cause heart attacks.
2) It is better to die quickly of a heart attack than to die slowly of cancer.
3) The more chance we have of dying quickly of a heart attack, the less we have of dying slowly of cancer.
4) Therefore eating fat is good!
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ThudnBlunder
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Re: Math Jokes
« Reply #49 on: Sep 11th, 2011, 11:58am » |
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Two old friends meet up after a long time apart.
(As this is a math joke thread, let's call them A and B.)
A: How's it going?
B: Fine.
A: How's the wife?
B: Oh, her? She's dead.
A: Dead?? Oh, I'm sorry. How?
B: Yeah, dead. I murdered her.
A: You're having me on. Stop joking, it's not funny.
B: No, it's true. This morning, just like that (making a quick stabbing motion).
A: Look, I'll be on my way if you insist on talking to me like that.
B: Please yourself. OK, come with me and I'll show you.
So they went to the friend's house, through the kitchen, and into the garden.
And, sure enough, there was a body. But all you could see was a mound of earth with a woman's bottom sticking out.
A: Is that her?
B: Aye, that's her alright.
A: But if you're going to bury her, why don't you do it properly?
Why leave her with her bum sticking out like that?
B: Well, I need somewhere to park my bike.
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| « Last Edit: Sep 11th, 2011, 11:59am by ThudnBlunder » |
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