Just a couple weeks after thousands of women took to the streets in protest of systemic injustice, approximately way too many of those women proceeded to cheerfully watch this year’s Super Bowl. Casting aside their iconically binary pussy hats, women everywhere settled down for an enjoyable afternoon of condoning white supremacy under the guise of tradition and entertainment. Drinks were sipped, chips were dipped, and not a single thought was given to Colin Kaepernick’s systemic suppression in the wake of his efforts to protest racism and police brutality.
“You know, it’s not a race issue. Kaepernick is only unemployed because he sucks,” affirmed local football expert and women’s march attendee Jessica Johnson. “NFL boycotters are just a bunch of snowflakes,” she continued. However, when asked if she would ever attend a Black Lives Matter rally, Johnson promptly felt attacked by the question and stormed off while tearfully proclaiming that she “doesn’t see color” and that “we are all one race, the human race.”
Other marchers have also chimed in to the conversation. “It’s tradition for my family to have a Super Bowl party every year,” explained self-identified social justice warrior Rebecca Wright. “Besides, why should my activism inconvenience me?”
In the end, it is largely speculated that half the women at the march only went for the Instagram photo op. They could return home feeling good about themselves and satisfied that they had done their part to make the country a better place, nevermind the fact that fighting for human rights takes more than a yearly walk around the city. Burrowing deep into the nest of their apathy, these women will most likely remain dormant until they whip out their activism for next year’s march.