Date: Tue, 08 Dec 1998 02:17:07 -0500 From: Charlie Steinhice Subject: QB: RESULTS: TrashMasters 1998 After reacquainting myself with something called "sleep," I figured I ought to post this... TrashMasters 1998 took place on Dec. 5-6 in the center of the known universe, Chattanooga. (You may laugh, but Andy Vann brought me an old postcard that supports my long-held assertion.) We had a fine field of 20 teams, ranging from grizzled veterans of the circuit to high schoolers getting their first taste of trash as we know it. Special credit is due to the team from Bartlett H.S. in Memphis and the two teams from Chattanooga School for the Arts and Sciences, who maintained a great attitude in the face of vastly more experienced competition and earned the respect of all of us. Results after the round robin were as follows: SAMUEL BRACKET Judean People's Front (Lee U. alums) 8-1 The World's Funniest Animals Attack... (Michigan) 8-1 Martin Sheen This Team Sucks (open; hybrid) 7-2 You've Got Gerbils (Boston U. alums) 7-2 Happy Action Fun Time (open; Vandy alums) 5-4 The Other White Meat (open; Florida alums) 4-5 Without Paddle (Auburn-Montgomery) 3-6 M*A*S*H 4077th (UTC) 2-7 C.S.A.S. Milli (high school) 1-8 Red Bank (h.s.) 0-9 THOMAS A BRACKET W.W.J.V.D.? (open; hybrid) 9-0 Walrus and the Eggmen (open; cur/fmr GaTech/GaState) 8-1 Vanilla Thunder (open; mostly Vandy) 7-2 Soul Monkey All-Stars (Wichita State & Oklahoma) 6-3 Three Dog Night Ranger (Michigan) 5-4 Clowns Are Funny (Tennessee) 3-6 Knowing Is Half the Battle (open hybrid) 3-6 Cookie Puss (Bartlett H.S.) 2-7 The Wolf Pack (UTC) 2-7 C.S.A.S. Vanilli (h.s.) 0-9 PLAYOFFS: By virtue of a 10-point head-to-head win, Judean People's Front was the #1 seed from Samuel Bracket. Playoffs used the same rule as the C.O.T.K.U., where in order to advance you had to win the match and have a better record (defined as number of losses) than your opponent. Semifinals Walrus and the Eggmen def. Judean People's Front 355-165 The World's Funniest Animals Attack... def. W.W.J.V.D. 395-240; by the rule noted above, this led to a second game, which W.W.J.V.D. won 285-190. Finals Walrus and the Eggmen led 140-30 at the half and withstood a furious comeback to defeat W.W.J.V.D. 215-165. INDIVIDUAL HONORS: Several special awards were given in addition to the All-Stars and the individual prizes for members of the top 3 teams. (I will leave it to the honorees to describe the truly amazing prizes they received, and to Julie Stahlhut to repeat her amazingly prophetic joke about the prizes given to the first place team members.) Awards given were as follows: *K-TEL HELL: Reigning K-Tel Hellion Rob Long of Michigan was dethroned, thanks in part to finishing 11th in a preliminary round to choose the top 10 finalists. Since #'s 8 through 10 were Rob's fellow Michiganders, we suspect it was a long ride home. Top scorer in the prelims with an inhuman 81 points out of 100 was Soul Monkey All-Stars' Dave Murphy. But in a closely contested finals round, Ward Cullum of W.W.J.V.D. won the trophy and now bears the title of K-Tel Hellion until next year's TrashMasters. *BEST VISUAL BONUS: A 4-way tie, as we had 4 great ones from Happy Action Fun Time (identify the Teletubbies from their antennae), The Other White Meat (name the baseball players from copies of the reverse of their baseball cards), You've Got Gerbils! (name teams from off-brand football leagues from their helmet logos), and Soul Monkey All-Stars (name these Hostess snack cakes.) *BEST BONUS WE COULDN'T USE: Soul Monkey All-Stars had one that was illegal, immoral, *and* fattening. I'll let them explain. *BEST QUESTION MENTIONING A BUG: This one went to Julie Stahlhut of W.W.J.V.D. Big surprise. *BEST QUESTION DISSING THE TOURNAMENT DIRECTOR: The competiton was extremely spirited, with four such questions submitted. However, winning hands down was the assistant tournament director, Ben Lea, whose finals round included a three-part bonus pointing out exactly how old I am by asking about three celebrities born around Sept. 1977, nine months after my first sexual experience (a matter of public record since the most talked-about bonus of TrashMasters 1995.) *THE COMPUTER SCREWED HER AWARD: Chassie Elliott of M*A*S*H 4077, who was victimized by an inexplicable glitch in Matt Bruce's otherwise-flawless stats program and at one point had a points per round average of 2.04 times 10 to the negative 13th. She thus got the worst screwing from a computer since Julie Christie in _Demon Seed_. *ROOKIE OF THE YEAR: Jeremy White of Knowing Is Half the Battle, who finished 11th in scoring at his first-ever trash tournament. *TITLE IX ALL-STAR: Scotti Whitmire of Clowns Are Funny, top female scorer. *MVP: Dwight Kidder, WWJVD, with an inhuman 79.44 PPG and one interrupt to his 72 tossups. (Dwight already noted that his prize was Mike Dupee's book on Jeopardy! secrets, but he omitted the other part -- the National Examiner with the aforementioned article about it.) *ALL-STARS: Greg Sorenson, You've Got Gerbils! Scott Gillispie, Walrus and the Eggmen Craig Barker, The World's Funniest Animals Attack... Dave Murphy, Soul Monkey All-Stars Steve Schroeder, Vanilla Thunder Greg Seroka, Three Dog Night Ranger Al Przygocki, Walrus and the Eggmen Bronson Messer, The Other White Meat Keith Hudson, Happy Action Fun Time GRATITUDE DEPT: So many people helped to make this the proverbial good time that was had by all. Special thanks go to: * Assistant TD Ben Lea, who not only read and wrote a blind packet, but also found the coolest of the prizes * The absent Robert Trent and James Quintong, who wrote outstanding blind rounds for the playoffs and will receive UTC's customary bribe for same, goodies from Wheeler's Orchard. * The aforemention Wheeler's Orchard for the salsas and chips served Saturday afternoon. (BTW, for those who got brochures, that batch did not list the toll-free number, which is 1-877-478-5029.) * Full-time readers Del Laugel, Toni VanWinkle, and Dave Leach, who got UTC's customary bribe of dinner on us, and Kevin Olmstead, whom we owe dinner because he was busy with... * Michigan's Mike Burger and Craig Barker for the free sample of Michigan's Music Bowl, which certainly serves as a fine inducement to coax folks north for the Ann B. Davis. * Everyone else for showing up and submitting fun questions and making all this possible. PACKETS: Questions (14 rounds) will be available for sale for $15 per full set, either hard copy or electronic format. There is a chance that other trash tournaments in waiting will purchase these questions for use at some distance, in which case we may hold off on distributing the questions to folks from that part of the country. I'll keep you posted on this, but either way, if you're interested in buying questions let me know. ===================================================================== Charlie Steinhice "Come, come! Why, they couldn't Chattanooga, TN hit an elephant at this dist..." (center of the known universe) -- Gen. John Sedgwick =====================================================================