Congratulations to Ride with the Gerbil for a close, hard-fought victory at TrashMasters 1999. Ride with the Gerbil (Mark Coen, Chris Rosenberg, Shawn DeVeau, and tournament MVP Greg Sorenson) defeated Hannibal's Llamas (Mike Burger, Craig Barker, Dwight Kidder, and Joe Wright) in a playoff forced when the third-place team, Billion Dollar Eggs, Free Sperm (Julie Stahlhut, Rebecca Golden, Kristin Hamlin, and James Quintong) spoiled the Llamas' hitherto-unblemished record in the last round of the round robin. How closely matched were the top two teams? Both matches between them were decided on bonus 20. Wow. Congratulations also to new K-Tel Hellion Dave Murphy, who not only finished first in the written preliminaries but withstood a fierce challenge by Shawn Pickrell in the buzz-in finals to win K-Tel Hell. Dave is the third K-Tel Hellion in the three years of the now-traditional TrashMasters interlude. Full results, individual stats, kudos, question sale info, and a summary of the trashiest assortment of prizes in QB history will follow soon. -- There were some truly trashy people in Chattanooga this past weekend. These were among the trashiest. And their prizes, the result of a year's scavenging by assistant TD Ben Lea, shall stand as testimony to their trashiness. Six players earned bragging rights as the only player in the tournament field to answer a given question. The trashiest of these (Jarmo Sandelin) was answered by Phil Castagna, who won a Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen "I Love a Mystery" cassette. Others with bragging rights were Jason Schwengler, Travis Buck, Markus Iturriaga, Haggai Elitzur, and Greg Sorenson. Rookie of the Year honors went to Tommy Acuff, who won the oxymoronic George Burns Action Figure. (Rookie was defined as someone who'd never attended a trash tournament before.) Other Rookie All-Stars: Kevin Crawford, Bill Bacon, September Young, Kyle Mitchell, and Jenni Garrett. Top Title IX All-Star went to Rebecca Golden, who won the indescribably horrific Ronald McDonald flashlight capable of traumatizing an entire third grade class at 500 yards. Other Title IX All-Stars: Scotti Whitmire, September Young, Michelle Cantave, Julie Stahlhut, and Gail Celio. Top scorer under 21 went to Ben Sledge, who won the boardgame "Quarters," which will help him train for the big 2-1. Other underage All-Stars: Adam Mitchell, David Moore, MJ Severson, Beth Gaughan, and Kristin Hamlin. As noted in an earlier message, Dave Murphy is the new K-Tel Hellion. Dave received a CD of music from the Star Wars trilogy. Why? Well, there are three truly trashy things about this CD set: 1) The "orchstra" recording it is some guy on a synthesizer. 2) The titles of several of the selections are wrong. 3) The prize was donated by Jeremy White after he witnessed an irate purchaser trying to return it -- at a Big Lots. Wow. All-Star honors went to the top 10 players; as there was a tie for 10th, and Tommy Acuff had already received the Rookie of the Year trophy, the 10th place trophy went to Haggai Elitzur. All-Stars received truly trashy books. How trashy? The least trashy, which went to #10, was the novel 1945 by Newt Gingrich. Other authors represented included Linda Lovelace, Andres Kantor, and noted novelists Mel Torme and Naomi Campbell; subjects included lambada instruction, Pokemon pop-up figures, and "I Was Junior Seau." The prize for MVP Greg Sorenson was a children's book by Michael Bolton, which nosed out "a fable for all ages" by John Travolta as the trashiest of Ben's gleanings. Player Team # PPG Greg Sorenson Ride with the Gerbil 67.06 Craig D. Barker Hannibal's Llamas 44.12 Scott Gillispie Hosses of the Apocalypse 44.12 Dave Vacca The Blair Bitch Project 42.50 David Murphy Battleplanet!!! 41.76 James Quintong Billion Dollar Eggs, Free Sperm 41.18 Joseph Dion Umberto Eco and the Bunnymen 38.08 Dwight Kidder Hannibal's Llamas 37.94 Brian Hight Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, but Whips and chains Excite Me 37.35 Tommy Acuff Boris Zhukov Liberation Front 35.29 Haggai Elitzur Back Off Electric Boogaloo 35.29 Al Przygocki Hosses of the Apocalypse 34.71 Phil Castagna 4 Non-Colvins 32.94 Scott Sanders Umberto Eco and the Bunnymen 31.76 Jeremy White Darth Maul Rats 31.47 Kenny Peskin 4 Non-Colvins 30.00 Ben Sledge Four Cleary Insane People 29.12 Jason Schwengler Hoops Malone 29.12 Mark Coen Ride with the Gerbil 28.53 Stephen Cooper Chicken Pot ... Pie 28.00 Keith Hudson Hoops Malone 27.65 Jon Needle Romani Ite Domum 25.59 Rebecca Golden Billion Dollar Eggs, Free Sperm 22.65 Alex Hovan Back Off Electric Boogaloo 22.35 Kevin Crawford It Crawled From the South 21.47 Edmund Schluessel Romani Ite Domum 21.18 Gourab Bhattacharjee Hoops Malone 20.88 Scotti Whitmire Charlie's Angels 19.71 Douglas Grote Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, but Whips and chains Excite Me 18.82 Chris Rosenburg Ride with the Gerbil 18.82 Anthony DeJesus 4 Non-Colvins 18.53 Bill Bacon Boris Zhukov Liberation Front 18.53 September Young Chicken Pot ... Pie 18.44 Tim Neuberger Back Off Electric Boogaloo 18.24 Dave Leach Chicken Pot ... Pie 18.08 Mike Burger Hannibal's Llamas 17.65 Kyle Mitchell It Crawled From the South 17.14 Michelle Cantave Romani Ite Domum 17.06 Julie Stahlhut Billion Dollar Eggs, Free Sperm 17.06 Adam Mitchell Battleplanet!!! 16.76 Gail Celio Charlie's Angels 16.76 David Moore Prince Mongo and the Buttnaked Hoes 16.67 Jenni Garrett Charlie's Angels 16.54 Stephen Gill Battleplanet!!! 15.59 Pete Kessler Romani Ite Domum 15.50 Joe Wright Hannibal's Llamas 15.00 Shawn Pickrell Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, but Whips and chains Excite Me 15.00 Travis Buck Darth Maul Rats 15.00 Ward Cullum Hoops Malone 15.00 Anne Mitchell Back Off Electric Boogaloo 14.41 Rob Long The Blair Bitch Project 14.38 MJ Severson Prince Mongo and the Buttnaked Hoes 13.89 Beth Gaughan Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, but Whips and chains Excite Me 13.82 Kristen Hamlin Billion Dollar Eggs, Free Sperm 13.53 Partho Taylor Darth Maul Rats 13.24 John Riddle Umberto Eco and the Bunnymen 13.13 James Washick Umberto Eco and the Bunnymen 11.82 Matt Jordan It Crawled From the South 11.76 Andrew Mckenzie Battleplanet!!! 11.47 Ryan Blay The Blair Bitch Project 11.25 Tim Watts Four Cleary Insane People 11.18 Shawn DeVeau Ride with the Gerbil 10.59 Cameron Jolley Four Cleary Insane People 9.71 David Cheung Chicken Pot ... Pie 9.58 Vince Betro Prince Mongo and the Buttnaked Hoes 9.44 Becky Fairweather The Blair Bitch Project 9.38 Mischelle Curtin Chicken Pot ... Pie 8.89 Markus Iturriaga Darth Maul Rats 8.82 Ashley Walker Charlie's Angels 8.33 Matt Reeves Chicken Pot ... Pie 8.08 Alysia Vrailas Charlie's Angels 7.33 Matt Victory Boris Zhukov Liberation Front 7.06 Hing Chan It Crawled From the South 6.18 Rob Coffey Hosses of the Apocalypse 3.82 Alexis Mansfield 4 Non-Colvins 3.53 Wally Edmondson Prince Mongo and the Buttnaked Hoes 2.22 Scott Pressley Boris Zhukov Liberation Front 1.76 Sheila Coker Hosses of the Apocalypse 1.67 Chelsea Breitbarth Umberto Eco and the Bunnymen 1.25 Jonathan McGlumphy Prince Mongo and the Buttnaked Hoes 0.00