HOW TO CHANGE THE WORLD by Walter Rader Copyright © 1998 by Walter Rader. All rights reserved. Any portion of this book may be reproduced with the permission of Walter Rader. You may contact the author at the e-mail address: wrader@umr.edu. TABLE OF CONTENTS INTRODUCTION AWARENESS AND FRIENDLINESS DON'T TALK TO STRANGERS EMPATHY LOVE FORGIVENESS PHYSICAL CONTACT PREJUDICE FEAR CRITICISM COMPLIMENTS TOLERANCE "STRANGERS" INTRODUCTION Before I begin dealing with the title of this book, I would like to present to you some visions that I have, and I know many people share with me. You may think that they are overly optimistic, if not down right fanciful. I assure you they are not and I ask that only to give me a chance. Really imagine what the world would be like if the following were a reality. And then realize that the following is a possibility, one of many that we (you and me) have power over making come true. Imagine a world in which the golden rule is the supreme rule. "Treat others as you would like to be treated." Imagine a world in which we all loved one another. Think of how it would be if instead of treating all other people as strangers, we realized that, like us, they are human, unique, and all possess the power to enrich our lives. What if instead of looking at the ground as we walked to work, to school, or through the local mall we looked at one another and smiled? Greeted one another? Tipped our hats and said hello? What if we were all friendly to each other, instead of caring only for ourselves and where we're going, what we want to get done? Think how nice it would be to feel free to speak to someone you've never seen before while waiting in line at a bank or while walking in a park. Imagine when walking into a room full of strangers thinking of potential friendships instead of that you've never seen these people before. Imagine not feeling alone, but rather an individual in part of something much grander. Unfortunately, things don't work like this right now. Currently, it's just a vision. But it is a vision that can become reality, with your help. So I ask: do you want to change the world? Be truthful to yourself. Answer the previous question seriously before continuing to read. Unless you are ready to make personal changes for the benefit of yourself and others, don't go any further. Unless you are totally committed to making the world a better place to live, close this book. Until you recognize that if change will ocurr it must begin with the self, walk away. I hope you're still reading. But unless you feel that you are ready to and can truly make a difference, this book won't do you any good. I can present you with information and advice, but until you act on it, it will do you no good. Though theory is important, practice is paramount. It all starts with you. To assist you along this journey, I will suggest activities and exercises to help reinforce what you've read. I strongly encourage you to try every one. If one doesn't seem appealing to you or you don't feel comfortable doing it, modify it to meet your current needs. It's not the letter of the law that's critical, it's the message. It's important that you do something. Over time, it will all be second nature. I do, however, ask that you complete the exercises until you become comfortable with them before reading the next chapter. Don't think of what you're holding now as just a booklet to zip through and promptly forget. Think of it as a workbook. You won't gain anything if you just read through the material and do nothing. The skills you develop in each chapter will be necessary in subsequent ones. If you need to take some time to work on an exercise, do so. If it takes you a few days, that's great. If it takes you a couple of weeks, that's fine too. Don't feel that you need to rush through the book. All I ask is that you consciously work on your _________ and that you come back to the book when you are successful. I'm not worried for you, though. If you truly want to change the world, I know you will. What good have I done today? Benjamin Franklin CHAPTER 1: AWARENESS AND FRIENDLINESS Ants Marching Too many of us go through life automatically, much like ants. We follow the same path, act the same way, even look the same. We eat what we are given because it's just easier that way. We walk around with our collective heads up our collective asses. It's a dangerous way to live. Think of people you've encountered that are unfriendly. Perhaps someone that pops to mind is a cashier at a local supermarket that you've only seen once. Maybe it's someone you see every day: a coworker, your boss, maybe even a relative. Often times, they don't realize that they aren't being friendly. They don't give it a second thought. Like ants, they go about their day-to-day monotony, all marching in the same line, without thinking that there could be something else out there. Bass Pro Shop One summer between years of school I worked at a sporting goods store in the town where I lived. It was a huge place that drew two million visitors a year, mostly during the summer months. I was a cashier and hundreds of people would go through my line in a single shift. Most acted the same: when it was their turn, they would throw their purchases up on the counter, grunt some response to my "How are you doing today?"s and "Did you find everything okay?"s, hand me their method of payment, and walk away silently, apparently ignoring my "Have a good day!" Person after person after person behaved the same way. Not only did I become discouraged, I became downright furious! How could people be so aloof? I try to be nice to them and they won't utter anything even remotely pleasant in return! Am I a human to them or just a stack of meat behind the counter? I had to consciously calm myself down during breaks. Fortunately, there was a group of individuals that helped me get through my day. They didn't know each other and though they weren't aware that they were seperate from anybody, I'm sure others noticed. I know you've encountered members of this group and I imagine you've even noticed their uniqueness. Who are they? The friendly people. The ones that said hello and asked how I was doing. The ones that didn't throw their money at me as if they were angry at me for taking it. The people that said "Thanks" and "Have a nice day." The ones that smiled. It cost them nothing, not even time, as they would be waiting for their purchases to ring up no matter how they acted. But they chose to be genial and that made all the difference in the world. Take the initiative! Which group do you belong to? Do you seize every opportunity in the day to make someone else's a little brighter? Think of a janitor where you work. Or, if you are a student, where you go to school. How many people would you estimate walk by them every day without so much as a nod. Do you think they feel appreciated? Do you think they feel valued as a human being? The beauty of friendliness is that it requires so little effort, but can bring such great rewards! It takes less than a second to say "Thank you" or to smile or to say hello, yet the effect of these simple actions can last for much longer. There is a very common objection to this and I hear it frequently: "Why should I make the effort to say hello to people when they don't say hello to me?" In fact, I've asked myself the same thing. I used to be offended when people would leave without saying goodbye to me. I thought they were terribly rude and would let them walk out the door without my saying a word. Then I realized I was guilty of the exact same thing as they were. Why should I expect them to say goodbye when I didn't bother? The truth is, all of us are under the same obligation: absolutely none. The measure of our character is if we choose to be friendly. Take the initiative: be the first. If we all wait for the other person to act, nothing will ever get done. CHAPTER 3: DON'T TALK TO STRANGERS The title of this chapter is a message we've heard countless times since we were old enough to understand. Parents, relatives, teachers, and others tell us to beware strangers. For kids, it's a good message designed to keep them from getting hurt. But when we become older, the maxim is never reversed. Do you remember a point when you were told, "It's okay to talk to strangers now."? I doubt it. And unfortunately, the original rule becomes an unnecessary barrier. We are born knowing no one. Everyone in the world is a stranger TENETS o Treat everyone with respect. o Be friendly to strangers: people you meet on the street, cashiers, waiters and waitresses, custodians, people of all occupations and walks of life. o We can learn something from even the most obnoxious, annoying people. o Smile. o Be open to conversation with strangers. o Avoid forming cliques. o Give constructive criticism. Never criticize unless you know it will be to the benefit of the person. Never criticize to hurt. o Give compliments. o Don't talk badly about people behind their backs. o Give hugs. Accept hugs. o Say please, thank you, and you're welcome. o Say I love you.