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In which Devesh finds $5 in his pocket, runs for senate, and documents his journey.
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| I 1337 |-|4><0|2 the ASUC. |
2002-05-06 |
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I wanted to do it figuratively, but I lost. Later in the day, while looking at the ASUC website, I noticed that their scripts were going unparsed, showing their account login/pass to the world. I had three options:
Update the website to say,
"President Elect: Devesh '1337 |-|4><0|2' Parekh" Update the database to give me more votes, and ask for the votes to be reprocessed. Update the webmaster on the brokenness of his site.
At this point, I asked myself, "What would Mario Mario do?" I jumped into the nearest pipe.
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| I vote for myself. |
2002-04-13 |
Did you think I was going to spend $5 to get my name on the ballot and not vote for myself?
Unfortunately, my name appeared on the ballot as Devesh "1337 |-|2><0|2" Parekh. That isn't even any of the ways the Election Council said they would misspell it. Those punks!
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| Elections begin! |
2002-04-11 |
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To start the election with publicity done right, I made a sign and stuck it on my backpack. I stood in front of the IEEE webcam with it. I went to class with it. I even went to an Apple Infosession with it. By the end of the day, it had glow sticks hanging from it. How many other people were campaigning with glow sticks? Did you just read that question without answering it? You did it again! Fine, be that way!
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| Flyers in Evans! |
2002-04-09 |
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Look at that! I'm listed as the first endorsed senator! A cursory glance might make you think it's ordered by number, but #133 follows #149. This can only mean that I'm the best one there is!
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| Attempt at Big-Time Publicity |
2002-04-08 |
I often talked with people about how I could get my name in the Daily Cal. I finally decided that a big enough Election Council censure could accomplish just that. Anthony helped me figure out how -- if I slandered myself in the Daily Cal, I could try to censure myself for slander and then try to censure myself for filing a frivolous charge against myself. One would have to go through, and I would get further Daily Cal publicity because they would report it because they played a role. Brilliant! My letter-to-the-editor follows:
Devesh "1337 |-|4><0|2" Parekh is a stupidhead who wouldn't be able to find his way out of the broad side of a barn if it fell in his lap. He has no chance in this election and nothing to offer the students and should be thrown out immediately.
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| Sealand? Huh? |
2002-04-07 |
The Bureau of Internal Affairs of the Principality of Sealand responded today, declining to endorse me. The Chief of Bureau questioned my assertion that this is the largest student elections in the country. They wanted more information about my campaign, but by the time this e-mail came, my CS projects were 0\/\/|\|!|\|6 me with a capital 0.
I submit to you, my loyal readers, that the ASUC Election Candidates' Guide does not lie. It quite literally does not even know what it means to lie! If it says this is the largest student elections in the country, then by golly, it is the largest student elections in the country!
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| The People |
2002-04-06 |
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I have decided that should (or when) I get elected, as a representative of The People, I will replace "I" in my daily conversations with "The People." I envision having conversations like the following:
Discussing the Relative Merits of Variously Packaged Sodas
Me: Although Pepsi in a can is preferable to Coke in a can, Coke in a bottle is far superior to Pepsi in a bottle.
My Mother: Pepsi was cheaper.
Me: The People demand Coke in a bottle!
Singing a Song
Me: Oh, The People wish The People were an Oscar Meyer Weiner.
That is what The People'd truly like to be-ee-ee.
'Cause if The People were an Oscar Meyer weiner,
Everyone would be in love with them.
Of course, The People wouldn't let this get to their heads. Note that this has nothing to do with my dropping of the term "internet" in favor of "information superhighway" earlier this week.
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| Miscellany |
2002-04-05 |
I was briefly mentioned in the latest Engineering News.
I went to turn in stuff to the Elections Council rabble today, and I had a conversation along the lines of the following:
Me: I want to turn in this campaign literature.
ASUC: [Recognizing me] Oh yeah. You're that guy who had those absolute value signs in your name. We couldn't find them in Word, so the ballot has "absolute value sign" spelled out instead for now.
Me: [Listening incredulously] ...!!!!???!?!!????!
ASUC: There were also some other errors in the ballot, so there might be time to change it before we print the new ones.
Me: It's the thing you get when you hold down "shift" and press "\" on the keyboard.
ASUC: When you get back home tonight, send me the instructions for how to get the absolute value sign at such-and-such e-mail address.
Me: [Relieved that it isn't another Hotmail account] OK.
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| I learn more about the campaign rules. |
2002-04-04 |
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It turns out that Anthony was the person who so generously chalked my name over a Student Action chalking (erased by somebody else) outside of Soda. I asked him if I could get a powerful Daily Cal-worthy censure out of it. It turns out that erasing people's chalkings is perfectly legal. What's more, we can tear down campaign fliers willy-nilly without worrying about the Judicial Council getting on our case. Any CS 162 people want to tear down those Cal-Serve fliers so obnoxiously loudly stapled outside 10 Evans during lecture? I'm not going to stop you. Neither is the Judicial Council. |
| Chalking |
2002-03-29 |
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My name got chalked outside of Soda. It appears to have been chalked over some erased chalking, possibly some other candidate's. My initial hope was that this was illegal, so I could get my name in the Daily Cal for free publicity, but then I saw erased chalkings all over campus, and my dreams were shattered.
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| NP Complete? |
2002-03-25 |
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The writers of Nintendo Power have offered me an endorsement from "NP Writers" because they can't speak for the whole magazine. There is also talk of campaign coverage in a future issue of Nintendo Power. This endorsement will surely blast my campaign into the forefront of respectability!
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| NP Hard. |
2002-03-25 |
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My campaign experienced its first major setback today. Nintendo Power declined to endorse my campaign, citing possible alienation of certain sectors of this campus. They did, however, wish me the best of luck with my campaign and offered to jump on the bandwagon upon my (certain) victory.
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| I get my first campaign literature. |
2002-03-24 |
Jdonald, in a fit of creativity, made me some fliers. Then he realized that I did not make a Mario Party. Then he realized that his fliers do not say anything about me running with a Mario Party anyway. Then he posted the fliers in Soda and Cory.
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| I turn in my voter's guide blurb. |
2002-03-22 |
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They made me turn it in on a floppy disk, and I didn't save it anywhere else, so I made a replica fom memory and converted to PDF using that magical free PDF-maker I like to call "the BearTraks resume uploader." Here's a sneak peek.
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| My website is finished! |
2002-03-20 |
Behold! Enjoy yourselves.
Since EECS majors aren't known to be outspoken, I'll give you all an incentive to post suggestions. The first person to post a suggestion I approve will get a Microsoft flashy noisy yo-yo (batteries included!), individually signed and numbered by none other than Devesh "1337 |-|4><0|2" Parekh himself.
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| Communications with Elections Council |
2002-03-20 |
They e-mailed me to tell me that I will be #47 on the ballot. Darn you, #42!
I e-mailed my ballot name correction like they asked. A summary follows:
Me: My nickname should be "1337 |-|4><0|2" and not "1337 1-14><012" The "|" is what you get when you hold down "shift" and press the "\" button.
ASUC: Remote host said: 552 Requested mail action aborted: exceeded storage allocation
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| I go to the mandatory candidates' meeting. |
2002-03-19 |
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What a sight! Those 150 people are individually as popular as Pokemon, yet they are collectively among the most hated groups of people on campus. They talked loudly and gesticulated wildly to people standing right next to them. An interesting group of people to study, I'm sure, but I wanted to get back to my 162 project. They started the 7:30 meeting at exactly 8:30 and wrapped up around 10:30. I learned the rules of campaigning. Also, those fools had my ballot name as Devesh "1337 1-14><01" Parekh.
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| I start making my website again. |
2002-03-16 |
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Let this be a lesson to you: If you have an IBM hard drive, have a good backup policy. That's right IBM -- I just slammed your hard drives, and the judicial council is powerless to stop me! All my work from the wee hours of the night was gone, so I connected to ucsee.eecs, started emacs, and began anew.
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| I get my first big endorsement. |
2002-03-16 |
On this day, I got endorsements from Jason Hu and Nathan Klejwa, president and vice-president of HKN respectively (titles for identification purposes only).
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| I start making a campaign website. |
2002-03-15 |
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I decided to make a campaign website because I sure wasn't going to go around carrying a sign and talking to random people on Sproul. I started up emacs on hkn.eecs and coded into the wee hours.
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| I turn in my application |
2002-03-15 |
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Though the picture doesn't really show it, I put Devesh "1337 |-|4><0|2" Parekh as my ballot name. I paid my $5.
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| No new party. |
2002-03-14 |
After a flurry of e-mails, I decided that there will be no Mario Party this semester. Registering a party costs $20. I do not have $20 in my pocket. Following is a brief summary of my e-mails.
Me: If I'm not running with a party, can I put anything I want in the party section of the candidacy form?
ASUC: To make the party legit, you have to fill out the attached form and pay $20.
ASUC: Sorry, I forgot to attach the form. Here it is.
Me: What happens if the party I run with is not legit?
ASUC: I think you get disqualified.
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| A new party? |
2002-03-10 |
I decided with some floormates (Allan #2 and Zymurgy) that Mario Party would be a good party to start and run for. I had originally planned on starting the "Give Devesh's Brother the Palm Pilot He Rightfully Deserves Party," which I figured would dominate ASUC politics in 5 years' time, but it just lacked that magical ring.
 
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| How to get elected #2 |
2002-03-09 |
At the party meeting, I learned many interesting things. One senator told us that a successful senate campaign requires scantily-clad women.
Observation 1: I am not a scantily-clad woman.
Observation 2: I do not have scantily-clad women in my pocket (only $5).
Observation 3: Google has access to more scantily-clad women than all the other campaigns put together.
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