In which Devesh tries to explain his candidacy in simple terms and ends up ridiculing BAMN. Haha. BAMN is funny and easy to make fun of.
- Who are you?
I am Devesh "1337 |-|4><0|2" Parekh. Come election time, I'm sure you will all give me your #1 vote for senate . . . or die trying.
At this point, I'd like to send a wall out to my peeps on pulsar.cs, rhombus.cs, torus.cs, hkn.eecs, ucsee.eecs, soda.csua, and death.ocf.
- Are you for real??
An EECS major running for senate is too crazy to believe. You'd be prudent to have doubts about the seriousness of my candidacy; however, I am truly running for senate, I truly am capable, and I truly want to win. The jokes are just there because I make no assumptions about your attention span. For example, I would not be surprised if you skipped the part after the semicolon in the sentence before the previous one. I am not Truly Scrumptious.
- What do you stand for?
I stand for:
- The Canadian Way
- Moving to table and voting down all irrelevent resolutions and bills (e.g., I won't waste time arguing about whether or not we should say the pledge of allegiance before senate meetings or about symbolic bills because they don't affect the students anyways.)
- The stuff I approved on the suggestions pages
- Some other stuff
- Why are you running?
- Anthony told me to.
- I'm just crazy enough to do it. You can't stop me! Unless you're the judicial council!
- EECS majors Represent!
- I had $5 in my pocket.
- Something new and interesting to do.
- You deserve a candidate like me on the ballot. Now now, don't be modest.
- Why should I waste my hard-earned vote on you?
- I'm an EECS major?
- I'm a math minor?
- I fight for the little guy (the engineer)?
- I mean what I say?
- I say what I mean?
- I see what I eat?
- I eat what I see? (No I don't! Stop confusing yourself!!)
- Nothing quite compares to the chocolatey goodness of a vote for me dipped in rich creamy milk chocolate.
- Do you think those people running with their fancy schmancy parties are spending hundreds of dollars campaigning just for a chance to help you? What a naive, silly little nincompoop you are.
- I don't pretend to know exactly what you want, and I don't pretend that you'll know what you want when I ask you. Who else solicits suggestions 24/7 on a web page?
- Because this webpage loads faster than you can say, "Persniggety!" Did you just say, "Persniggety!"? Stop doing stuff like that before the people sitting next to you think you're a weirdo....
- I couldn't get the ASUC to make more of a mockery of itself if I tried.
- I'm sure you can come up with better reasons to vote for me than I can.
- Why do you think you're so capable of helping engineers?
- Can I help with your campaign?
- No really.
OK. Here's what I want you to do:
- Send this website to everybody on your buddy list and tell them to do likewise.
- Tell them I'm the best thing the human race has come up with since Gator Golf. (What could be greater than golf with a gator?)
- Repeat. (Your friends are stubborn.)
- Put this page's URL ( http://ucsee.eecs.berkeley.edu ) in your .plan and your IM profile.
- Post and comment on suggestions, so I know what I stand for.
- Get some BAMN people to post some suggestions, so we can all have some fun ridiculing them in the comments.
- Give me your #1 vote.
- Give me your friends' #1 votes.
- Do not use flyers and stuff! (Too many complications to worry about like whether the stuff on the flyers is true and keeping receipts to verify I haven't exceeded the campaign finance limit.)
- Keep it legal.
- What's all this talk about #1 votes?
ASUC elections are instant run-off. This means they pass through all the ballots and count up everybody's #1 votes. Then they drop some of the losers and process the #2 votes for the people who voted for them. They continue until there are only 20 people left. Basically, this means that you have to give your #1 votes to niche players like me. Now do it!
- How can I contact you?
- YIM: Devesh42
- ICQ: 4633643
- AIM: ImperiumD001 (You should be ashamed of yourself!)