Entry:

In life we are constantly faced with decisions that alter and shape our lives in ways we can not even imagine.  More often than not, we never fully realize the ramifications of our choices, especially the ones that seem minor or insignificant.  Opportunities come and go, and sometimes we are fortunate enough to seize a particular moment in time and have an experience that will forever change our lives.  And for the opportunities we let slip through our fingertips, most just fall by the wayside and have no bearing on our lives... but not all...

I had decided that upon graduating from UC Berkeley, I would to return my roots in Taiwan and reacquaint myself with relatives that I had not seen in over a decade.  Then after my accident last summer, I developed an acute case of traveling-phobia which ended my plans to return to Taiwan.  That decision, as I have come to realize now, was a costly one...

While working in lab today, I recevied a voice mail from my sister...

"Erick, call me back, I have some news."

The tone of my sister's voice betrayed the imminent arrival of bad news.  I was immediately grasped with a sense of fear and panic.  What happened and to whom?  Instinctively, I ran various scenarios through my mind to prepare and protect myself from the news that I knew was coming.  When I finally talked to my sister, she told me that our grandfather (my mother's father) had died...

A healthy man of 75, with no history of any chronic illneses, woke up as he had done any other day in his life... started coughing a little.... started feeling ill... lost consciousness... and never woke up.  Even after facing my own mortality just five short months ago, the shock and devastation of such news was overwhelming.

My first thoughts after the initial shock wore off was why didn't I take that trip back to Taiwan like I had planned?  If I had done that then I could have seen my grandfather one last time.  If anything, my experiences over the last few months have taught me that life is extremely precious and fleeting.  All too often though, we take things for granted until it's too late... we fail to see the importance of each moment and let things slip through our fingertips.

I can sit here and try to figure out "why?"  Why did things turn out the way they did?  Why did I decide not to go back to Taiwan?  But, of course... there are just too many "what ifs?" and  I could spend an eternity trying to answer these questions and still not make sense of the situation.  So I will do what I feel in my heart is the most appropriate thing and share and celebrate with all of you  the life of a great man...

I feel very happy that I truly knew what kind of man my grandfather was when he was still with us.  Last semester, while doing research for my Asian American studies paper, I learned that my grandfather was one of the nicest, most kind-, warm-, and good-hearted, people you'll even meet in your life.  A man of very few words, his actions spoke volumes and more than adequately revealed the beauty in his heart.  Although I regret not seeing him one last time, the opportunity to truly learn and understand this man while he was still alive is a comfort in of itself.

Rather than learn about someone as a consequence of his or her death, I had the opportunity to hear about the beautiful and kind nature of my grandfather while he was still living.  As my mother told me the wonderful stories about my grandfather, I felt a very special connection towards him.  My relationship with my grandfather wasn't a direct one since I've been away from Taiwan most of my life, but I knew that he knew all about my life.  My mother always kept in touch with her family and always sent pictures home to Taiwan of my sister and me, so my mother served as the bridge between the two of us.

One story that epitomizes my grandfather's heart of gold is the sacrifice he made for his mother.  Being an extremely intelligent young man, my grandfather was offered the opportunity to study abroad in Japan... a great honor considering that this was during the period of Japanese occupation in Taiwan.  He had studied abroad for two years when his father suddenly died.  My grandfather's side of the family was part of the merchant class so they were well-off.  After the inheritance was split between my grandfather and his brothers and sisters, his brothers and sisters had so use for their own mother and basically abandoned her.  My grandfather, being the dutiful son, showed his true inner beauty by giving up his education to return home to take care of his mother.  The magnitude of the sacrifice will become readily apparent as you see how much my grandfather cherished and believed in education.

My grandfather's return from Japan leads me to the storybook romance between my grandfather and grandmother.  My grandfather's family was part of the merchant class, so they were city-dwellers.  However, they owned shops in various parts of Taiwan including many of the rural areas.  My grandmother was a country-girl, but far more than just your average country-girl.  My grandmother received only limited education, but displayed a sharp-mind a head for business.  During a visit to one of his family's stores, my grandfather met my grandmother and fell in love with her.  He saw that my grandmother was much more than she appeared and married her despite the difference between their social status.

The fairytale marriage between lasted for more than 50 years.  My grandmother proved to be the perfect complement to my grandfather.  Although me grandfather was intelligent, my gradmother proved to be better at business.  My grandmother's love and loyalty to my grandfather was also seen in my grandmother's dedication to helping my grandfather take care of his mother (my great-grandmother,  who lived to the age of 100).  My grandfather showed a great deal of respect to my grandmother and treated her as an equal despite the traditional patriarchal society in Taiwan.  They were a perfect match.  I'll always remember what my mom told me about my grandmother... she said that my grandmother couldn't understand why things happened they way they did... my grandmother felt guilty for not taking better care of my grandfather.  Grandmother, you've done all the right things... if all of us could have a little of what you did... we would all be a lot happier...

The legacy of my grandfather lives on though.  My grandfather had six children, 3 sons and 3 daughters.  Of the 6 children, 5 graduated from college and 1 chose trade school to be an optometrist.  My grandfather left behind 6 great children all of whom carry his strength within them.  He gave up his chance for his own education for family.  Even though he never realized his own potential in education, he achieved his dreams through his children.  If I even accomplish a fraction of what my grandfather has with his family, I would consider myself a great success...  

I see the goodness and strength of my grandfather's heart in my own mother as well as in my aunts and uncles.  My mother's family is extremely close and everyone is going home now.  I have no doubt that my aunts and uncles will be there for my grandmother who has lost her match, her other half, the man with whom she has spent her whole life.  I can't even begin to fathom the depth of my grandmother's loss because I've never had a relationship such as my grandparent's...

Today was truly a bittersweet day, because I found out that the first scientific paper I have my name on has finally been published.  If I could only share this news with my grandfather...

My mother told me that my grandfather was very proud of me.  Being his third oldest grandchild, I'm currently the only one who pursuing a graduate degree.  My grandfather had high hopes for me and hoped that I would go into medicine, but  when my mom told him of my plans, he was equally  proud of me.  I wish he could be here for my graduation ceremony in May, but he was always and will always continue to be with me.

My grandfather has done so much for me even though I haven't seen him face to face so many years.  He was proud of my accomplishments and the work I was doing, and bought a car for me when my parents couldn't afford to do so.  He even offered to pay for my medical school education if I needed help paying for it.  For what it's worth, I'm sending copies of my first scientific paper home to my mother so that she can bring it back to Taiwan and least I'll be able share a little of my success with him.

I will always carry a part of my grandfather with me.  I will honor his memory by continuing my work in research and furthering my education, just as he would have wanted.  My grandfather was a great man.  His kind and gentle spirit will live on in the hearts of his wife, children, grandchildren, and everyone else he has touched.  It is so true that when someone passes on, they will still continue to live as long as their memory lives on.  I will forever cherish my memories of my grandfather and make sure that I share my memories and knowledge of him to the world.  If there were more people like my grandfather around, the world would be a much better place.  I see my grandfather's kind-heartedness in my mother, and when I finally pass on, I can only hoope that others will feel the same way for me as I feel about my grandfather.
 

With the utmost respect and reverence for the life of a wonderful kind-hearted man,

Erick Lin
 

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