Entry:

I had planned to continue my diary chronologically until I had caught up to the present day.  However, I feel that I must discuss a new situation that arose today, but we'll get to that in a little while.  If anyone was ready my Day Three entry, you may have noticed that it ended abruptly.  I have since completed my entry so it's there for anyone who is interested.  The reason I suddenly stopped was because I was trying to force myself into a more normal sleeping pattern.  I had not slept at all the previous night and had only slept two hours since then.  I'm trying me best to get things back in order and try to live a more stable life.  I don't how long it's going to take but I've been assured that it will eventually happen.

Today I finally made it back to lab.  I had planned the rest of my week on Tuesday, but my cathartic writing episode Tuesday night threw a wrench into those plans.  I was happy to get some work done and be productive.  It's really not a good feeling to sit around all day long and be consumed by your thoughts.  No one is pressuring me in lab to work any harder or to work at all.  I must say that the genuine concern for my well-being is much appreciated.  However, it makes me feel better to know that I'm doing work and being a productive member of the lab.

I really had hoped that this would be a good day.  I'm still somehwat slow these days, but at least I was making progress in terms of getting back into a more normal routine.  Unfortunately, my hopes for better days were sabotaged when I checked my mail before leaving for work.  I really wished that the fortune coookie I got after lunch on Monday had said "Good news will come by mail" because I could have really used that today.

When I opened the mailbox, I found a single piece of mail.  I examined the somehwat tattered envelope and found that it was from the California Highway Patrol.  The contents of the envelope include a "Notice To Defendant" and a "Notice To Appear."  What I found was quite a slap to my face.  It's not like I haven't had enough to deal with already, but on top of everything I now have to appear at the Monterrey Municipal Court on September 25th to defend myself for "Unsafe Turning Movement."

Needless to say, these turn of events quickly ruined my day.  My car was wrecked, I was knocked unconscious, I was hospitalized, there are health and car insurance issues to deal with, school starts a week from Monday, and now I have to appear in court to defend myself for an accident and apparent traffic violation for which I have absolutely no memories whatsoever.

I'm probably just overreacting right now, but this not going to be a very good thing to add to my already long list of concerns.  I was in an accident in which I could have lost my life had I not been so fortunate.  I suppose that things have to be documented since a major accident occurred.  The only thing I can say is that I lost control of my car on a newly paved stretch of road.  I don't know how it happened or why it happened.  There was nobody around to witness my accident.  I got whacked around pretty well as I tumbled and rolled so I'm pretty useless in terms of explaining what happened.  Believe me when I say that nobody wants to know the truth more than myself.  I have so many questions constantly running through my mind, most of which will probably never be answered.

The two things that bother me the most are that I don't know what I could possibly say to defend myself in court and I also have to wait so long for my day in court.  It's going to be extremely unpleasant to have this court date looming over me for the next six weeks, especially since I would much prefer to take care of everything as quickly as possible and move on with my life.  Unfortunately, this summons is going to make it that much more difficult to take care of everything in a timely fashion.

No, this traffic ticket or whatever isn't the straw that broke the camel's back, but it places another burden on me.  Now I'll have to ask someone or some people to go with me to Monterrey.  Right now, I don't think I could handle traveling anywhere.  I don't know the name of the phobia for traveling, but whatever it is, I definitely have it.  I guess things could be worse if I was defending myself because someone else was hurt by my actions.  There's no doubt that I'm baised towards this supposed traffic violation and the court proceedings, because I would much rather not have to think about any of it.  After all that's happened, it's not surprising for me to say that things never turn as you planned.  I'm trying hard, really hard, to find the silver lining in all of this but it has eluded me thus far.

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