After six years of constantly moving around, my family finally settled down in Colton, located near the city of San Bernardino, and for you skiing-philes it's near Big Bear and Lake Arrowhead.  I finished the last years of my elementary school, all of junior high, and all of high school in Colton.  Even though I spent so many years in Colton, I never really felt a sense of attachment or belonging.

I can remember that I was pretty depressed when we moved from Anaheim.  For the first time in my life, I had finally felt a sense of belonging for I made some really close friends for the first time in my life.  Up until that point in my life, I don't believe that my family had lived in a place for more than one year.  After living in Anaheim for two years, I really didn't want to have to start all over again, but what choice did I have in the matter?

Life in Colton was pretty hard for me.  I was the only Chinese boy in Mexican town.  I made a few good friends that I still keep in touch with to this day, but I would like to forget a majority of the ignorant and intolerant people that I met there.  If I didn't feel a sense of belonging or a sense of my own identity before moving to Colton, I became completely lost in Colton.  It was obvious that I was different from everyone else there, and I was constantly reminded of that fact.  Living in predominantly Asian communities as most immigrants do, I had never had to fight racial prejudice until I living in Colton.

I didn't understand why people had to use terms like "Chink" or "Gook" and a variety of other racial slurs when referring to me or taunting me.  Since I wasn't the most physically intimidating kid at the time (but I've grown up a little now), I did the only thing I could to deal with the situation.  I tried to stay aloof and not let the hostile and antagnistic environment hurt me and get the better of me.  I also used my intelligence as a shield to deflect the animosity directed towards me.  Some people didn't like because they said I walked around with an "aura of superiority."  I can't say what the cause-and-effect relationship is in this case, but in the end the initial racism towards me coupled with my manner in dealing with the racism ended up creating a vicious cycle that perpetuated my isolation from people and the the world.

I never, ever felt like I really belonged in Colton.  My parents attempted to place me and my big sister into Loma Linda Christian Academy, but the restrictive atmosphere there made my stay there brief.  All through elementary school and junior high, my teachers were very supportive and nurturing towards me.  They helped my cultivate my mind and supported my intellectual development.  Unfortunately, their favoritism towards me probably irked my fellow classmates and made them dislike me even more.  So by the time I reached high school, I still hadn't developed any strong bonds in Colton.

I love my parents and all, but their overprotectiveness greatly hindered my social development even in the hostile environment.  The scope of my life involved going to school, studying, and getting good grades.  I never had a chance to go out and play with the other kids so  I couldn't even try to fit in.

High school was a refreshing change because I had the option to chose what classes I wanted to take.  More often than not, I took all of the honors or AP courses.  I probably exhausted all of the AP courses Colton High School had to offer.  That's probably why I started my career at Cal with 30 AP units, although they weren't as helpful as I was led to believe.  The thing I remember most about my classes was the minimum requirement of 15 enrollees before a class could be officially exist.  All of the classes that I took, of course, started off with the 15 but usually ended only having 5-7 people by the end of the semester.  It was great for me because i got a lot of individual attention and attended class with the more ambitious people of my high school.

Although high school gave me a chance to expand my knowledge of the world, I didn't have any opportunities to establish an identity for myself.  With so many unfamiliar faces, I felt even more isolated than ever before.  I was never very popular, I was just different.  After so many years of isolation, I just had no idea how to come out of my protective shell to discover who I was.

12/24/98