CS Major using Airbears 2 Outage as Metaphor for Life
Following Friday Night’s campuswide Airbears 2 Internet Outage, it was reported that the campus of UC Berkeley had fallen into equal parts chaos and listlessness with a majority of those living in the student dorms moving their thumbs in midair as they tried to remember what it was like to use the internet.
Meanwhile, UC Berkeley’s Amish population is reported to be doing quite well.
The Airbears 2 outage is apparently drawing the freshmen out of their dorms and forcing them to socialize and to get to know that one person who lives down the hall and never comes out of their dorm except to shower (and take in enough sunlight before going to back to an all-night World of Warcraft session).
But while most people were taking the loss of internet relatively well, CS and Philosophy Major Danny Melvin was reportedly taking the outage a little harder than most. Following this week’s brutal midterm onslaught by a majority of the CS classes, Melvin reportedly has been tired and withdrawn.
“I think this internet outage is the universe trying to tell me to change majors,” said Melvin, “the only thing more of a downer than the internet right now is my GPA.”
CS majors should note however, that while the rest of the campus reportedly calls them “Constantly Sad” behind their back, a low GPA is normal and par for the course. If you do feel that you need help, please check out the resources offered by UC Berkeley for academic advising and counseling.
Don’t despair CS majors, someday you’ll outearn us all.
(Also, we would have posted this earlier, but then you know, internet outage.)