In honor of some Irish saint that no one really knows or cares about, our ever-inventive Cal Dining services rolled out a whole menu of green-colored dishes for dinner on St. Patrick’s Day. Green filet mignon, accompanied with a side of green rolls with green butter, was to be the culinary highlight of the evening. Long before the doors opened at 5 pm, droves of freshmen congregated outside Crossroads in anticipation of a festive meal prepared by none other than the number one public university dining service in the world.
Unfortunately, diners were very disappointed (though frankly unsurprised) to find that the green coloring of their food was due to mold. Most students left the dining commons after making that horrifying discovery, although some claimed that the mold was actually an improvement from the taste of regular Crossroads food.
When Cal Dining was contacted for an explanation, they responded apologetically to the situation. “We wanted to be festive, but we just didn’t have the funds to purchase several gallons of green food coloring,” explained a Cal Dining worker. “The school funneled most of their money into the security budget. Now Cal Dining can’t even afford working refrigerators, which is actually why the food is all moldy. We just went with it.”
Aside from a few minor stomach aches and one report of explosive diarrhea, the students who had dinner at Crossroads today are doing just fine. Hopefully they can look forward to a night of partying and getting completely wasted in celebration of Ireland’s most revered Christian missionary, though is currently unclear whether they will also be attending church tomorrow morning.