Whether you're an athlete, marching band member, on a debate team, or submit your writings to contests, what transcends competition is always the craft itself. The idea that the other competitors also do what you do does not negate or belitte competition; in fact, it makes competition all the more profound and honorable.

I think I'm backwards. It was Full Moon yesterday, so now the moon is waning. Typically, people feel like they lose energy during this time, but I feel like I gain energy. Maybe I'm just weird, or it's because I'm male, or . . . maybe it's just because I feel less overwhelmed with life during the Waning Moon, and that's where my energy comes from. That actually seems more likely, notwithstanding my general backwardness.

I was on the bus today and there was a huge group of elementary school students inside. I noticed immediately because the bus was not as silent as usual--you could hear their high-pitched voices, talking about all manner of things, and talking about them as if discussing the meaning of life because, maybe, they are.

Children speak loudly and freely because there's so much to talk about. As we grow older, you'd think that we'd have more to talk about, but it is strange indeed that we begin to speak less instead, and speak more reservedly when we do speak, until we are afraid of saying anything at all.

It's insane to think that everyone's looking at you, like you're the Celebrity of the Universe, or the Pariah of the Universe, or both. And I never just think they're looking at me, but moreover that they notice me, judge me, on no other basis than what they see of me for two seconds. I have a story, you know, a whole history that has led up to this. Maybe it's been difficult!

Today it was a little chilly. Just a little, in my opinion, but the sun is out. I wanted to wear a t-shirt because I like t-shirts, because I think I look good in them. I wore my favorite green t-shirt. It makes me look bigger than I actually am.

But no one else was wearing a t-shirt today, or anything short-sleeved for that matter! Well, one guy, but that's one guy in a bajillion. Everyone has on sweatshirts and coats and hoodies and long-sleeved everything. God, I look like a fool with my stupid green t-shirt. I'll bet everyone looks at me as I walk by them and thinks, "What is he trying to prove, wearing a t-shirt on a cold day? Jerk." And then I try to keep my head up, smirk, look confident like nothing's bothering me. But that just proves their point more.

I'm a jerk for wearing a stupid green t-shirt on a cold day. What am I trying to prove?

Dude. We totally beat Arizona today. Finally. I had to wait quite a few years for that. I enjoy great college basketball and, moreover, a great student section amidst a great audience in a great Haas Pavilion.

Sporting events are heavy. All human beings are at least somewhat empathic, and when you're immersed in that much energy, well, you can feel it, right? And I like it when positive energy overpowers the negative energy. That's easier to deal with. (N.B. I would say the same even if I were in, say, Stanford's Maples Pavilion and everyone were happy in there.) According to all the witches, psychics, and diviners with whom I've consulted, I'm empathic, which is likely why I've always made a really big deal--even more so than the average fan--over attending basketball games and football games. Also, our basketball team and dance team have hot people.

Go Bears!

And I cut off a piece of my flesh with my cymbal. Bizzattle scizzars. What is it.

Courtesy of Victoria:

"For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?' Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage."

That is awesome.

I think you truly live when you wake up at the crack of dawn for something you're dedicated to. And then you're not really awake, but in that state of half-awakeness, wherein you really have to trust that your muscles know what to do, because you feel as if you don't even have enough energy to move them consciously. That's living! When you're already half-dead!

Most people probably don't notice, but at an intersection, the traffic lights don't alternate at the same time. There's a moment when the lights on all four sides of the intersection are red. And when you walk up to this unknowingly, you get confused, because you expect the lights to be green on at least one side, so that you have a choice to cross. It's unnerving when you're not allowed to cross at all.

Fiat Lux

My alma mater, the University of California (Berkeley), receives a lot of slander and misrepresentation. We are called, not so inaccurately, tree-huggers, liberals, socialists, freethinkers, and all the like. What we are not called, but is also accurate, are conservatives, Christians, Republicans, pro-war activists, and all the like.

We are called deviants, immoral, unethical, left-wing wackos. Those who visit our beloved city and campus sometimes say, "Why would anyone like this place?" Of them I say, in the words of our Lord Christ:

"Though seeing, they do not see;
though hearing, they do not hear or understand.
In them is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah:
" 'You will be ever hearing but never understanding;
you will be ever seeing but never perceiving.' "

For as the prophet is not welcome in his home, so the wise and knowledgeable are not welcome in their land. I joyfully accept slander and misrepresentation, and all manner of evil that you may speak upon me, for I will say that it has always been the priests and prophets of God who are spoken ill of in the history of humankind.

Go Bears. Let There Be Light.

On Tastes & Preferences

Early this afternoon, I went with Ngoc and Susan to Jade Villa in Oakland to eat dim sum. I thoroughly enjoyed their company. We also stopped at a Vietnamese market and I was able to get green bean ice cream and a six-pack of soy bean juice, just like the stuff my mom used to get me. Good times.

We got an order of chicken feet and went into a discussion about culinary tastes and disgust at certain foods. Ngoc told us that she had taken some of her friends to Jade Villa and at the idea of eating chicken feet, they freaked out. She was glad Susan and I were more open-minded.

Now, this brings up an interesting topic. Preferences for food items or food types stem from some kind of prejudice: when someone looks at an item, he or she may think "Yummy!" or "Ew! Disgusting!" or anywhere in between. Barring any discussion on aversion to foods based on ethical bases (such as for some vegetarians or vegans), true psychological fear (such as, say, for someone who has a phobia), or physiological reasons (such as allergic reactions), I talk specifically about the notion of preferences and, more so, value judgements. As an example, here's a possible discussion between two friends at a restaurant:

"I don't eat chicken feet."
"Really? You don't really like it?"
"No. I just don't eat chicken feet. It's disgusting!"
"Oh. . . . Are you allergic to them?"
"No, no, not that. I just can't eat them. Ick!"
"Did . . . something happen to you? Did your parents used to stuff chicken feet into your mouth whenever you were bad?"
"No! I just hate chicken feet! I don't see how anyone can eat them!"
"Oh. Okay, more for me."

And to the one who refuses to eat chicken feet, I would ask: why? I mean, really. Why? Now, you know others eat it, so clearly someone likes or at least tolerates it. What's so disgusting about them? Think about it for a second. Okay, chicken feet . . . they come from a chicken. But, it's likely you're a person who has tried, say, fried chicken or any kind of chicken before. What makes the feet different? Is it maybe, simply, because you've come to associate chicken feet with the idea of "disgusting"? Aye! That's the rub!

There's a good reason why this is an important topic of discussion. You see, both Chinese and Vietnamese cultures consider chicken feet a delicacy, so when you say it's disgusting, you're intrinsically saying that my people are eating something disgusting--that, therefore, there must be something wrong with us. Now, you obviously don't say that in so many words. You may not even consciously think that. But to call someone else's tastes disgusting does not simply imply that they are somehow "off": it entails it!

This all comes from a more deepset problem of prejudice in general. You see, let me cut right to the chase. Value judgements on physical objects come from one thing only: the prejudices we hold about the objects. You look at a bug and you think "Ew!" or you look at a sunset and think "Beautiful!" But, really, what's so nasty or beautiful about one or the other? Describe it in words. "A bug is . . . small. It crawls. It has antennae. It has legs. Um, and a body. An exoskeleton." That doesn't sound so frightening, now does it? So why are you scared of bugs?

"Because . . . ew! They're just disgusting!"

Don't take that case to court. It's a prejudice you hold, and whether or not you remove it is your choice and within your capacity, but at least recognize that it is there.

You can see where I'm going with this. It's certainly easy to generalize this to any kind of prejudice, including the racial and cultural. You make value judgements based on preconceived notions, without (and here's the upshot) seeing things for what they truly are. This is something I learned from Buddhist insight meditation: that true insight is to see the truth of things, as they truly are, holding no prejudices. So that if I crash my car, I don't think, "This is terrible! God hates me! I can't believe this!" but I simply see it as a metal apparatus on wheels colliding with another object and then being crushed. Of course, this applies to "good" things, too. A flower is nothing more than an organism with petals and a stem and leaves. You can keep that prejudice if you want, or you can remove it: it's up to you. What's great about this state of insight is not so much that you get rid of all value judgements, but that you can when you want to. That's why those who truly have this insight (you know them as monks, nuns, or other so-called "religious" figures) aren't ever really bothered by anything. They fear no negative thing, and they desire no positive thing, because there are no "negative" or "positive" objects in the physical universe. Those are just words we make up to describe what tangibles we come into contact with.

Here's something for you to try out. The next time you're in pain, don't automatically freak out. Chill out, take some deep breaths, and just sit there and feel the pain. Feel it, and you'll notice that it courses through your flesh in waves, like a throbbing sensation. Then, if you are able to do it with patience and mindfulness, you'll see pain for what it is: just a flow of energy. Then you won't have to attach "bad" to pain anymore. Of course, I recommend starting easy, maybe with a pinch or something. Don't go off and get yourself shot on purpose. Being insightful about the true nature of things makes you wiser, not stupider.

This form of insight may not necessarily be easy, but in my opinion it's worth it, especially if you care to embrace Truth.

So Susan and I tried the chicken feet. We really enjoyed it. I would like to say that "it was great!" but that would seem a little contradictory. I guess I chose to place a positive value judgement on it instead of a negative one, and unlike people--hypothetical, of course!--who seem to hate everything, I get to enjoy more of life.

Oh no!

And, while we're at it: woohoo!

So good.