English major donates $50 to Cal, gets doorknob named after her

Recently, a young graduate of Berkeley’s Haas school of business has decided to give 25 million dollars  back to his beloved major, as if Haas didn’t already have enough money. As a result of this incredibly generous contribution, the new Haas building will be named after him and his wife. In light of this event, English alum Amanda Vega has made the noble decision to donate to her major as well.

Vega plans to give a grand total of 50 dollars to the department of English, one of the largest alumni gifts a humanities department has ever gotten. In response, Berkeley will be naming a doorknob after Vega out of gratitude for her altruism. “This is like, a quarter of my annual salary,” admits Vega, who works as a teacher. Nevertheless, she is pleased to have her name inscribed in Sharpie on a doorknob in the reconstructed Wheeler Hall. When the building finally opens (and English GSIs are able to stop holding office hours at various cafes), Vega’s contribution will be visible to other English students who may one day be able to afford a gift of that size as well.

“Never stop dreaming,” advises Vega. “That way, you don’t have to face reality.” Though reality may be harsh for humanities majors, at least we have Vega as a shining beacon of hope when we inevitably find ourselves floundering in the job market and cursing our naively optimistic decision to “pursue our passions.”

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