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Satire

Student Organization Planning to Profit Off Right-Wing Outrage

November 8, 2016Casey Diene0 Comments

After a few weeks of protests, Berkeley’s administration has finally relented and given the much coveted Student Store space to Bridges, a coalition of seven…

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Satire

Greek system respects consent when it’s not Halloween

October 31, 2016Tatiana Su1 Comment

Though Halloween is usually an extremely anticipated holiday among Berkeley students, this year’s spooky festivities were threatened by some alarming circumstances. Due to recent sexual…

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Satire

Crime Rate in Berkeley Increasing Faster than Student Debt

October 26, 2016Tatiana Su0 Comments

At this point in the fall semester, morale is low and tensions are high as Berkeley students flounder about the murky depths of midterm season,…

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hiring

We’re Hiring!

September 15, 2016Tatiana Su0 Comments

Are you tired of scrolling through Beet articles only to find tedious rants on society littered with sporadic crappy jokes? Do you find yourself automatically…

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Satire

UC Berkeley uses Sorting Hat to place students into various dormitories

June 7, 2016Burr K. Lee0 Comments

Last week UC Berkeley sent out housing decisions to the Class of 2020 Freshmen and Transfer students. Despite many complaints and offers to trade, students generally…

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Satire

Graduation: It all goes downhill from here

May 16, 2016Tatiana Su0 Comments

As the momentary joy of graduation fades away, there remains one despairing question on every Berkeley graduate’s mind: Now what? It’s been a couple of…

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Satire
the iron throne for finals week

UC Berkeley Jon Snow to play Game of Finals

May 6, 2016Burr K. Lee0 Comments

When you play the Game of Finals, you win or you cry This week, despite spending hours sitting by the White Wall at Moffit studying…

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Satire

UC Berkeley Student sadly unsurprised by shitty handling of Harassment cases

April 27, 2016Cammie Panilli0 Comments

Warning: Contains Strong Language Following the recent revelation of 19 sexual harassment cases filed against the University that have been kept quiet by UC Berkeley officials…

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Satire

Student Donates Kidney to get into Undergraduate Research

April 22, 2016Casey Diene0 Comments

Student donates kidney to make himself more competitive for undergrad research program Last week, pre-med junior James Nephron was in the middle of his MCB…

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Satire
Baked, Weed, Picture of Memorial Glade

UCB Administration holds “Baked Sale” to raise funds for school

April 20, 2016Burr K. Lee0 Comments

Green is in the air as the University sells blunts to make up lost funds On April 20th, as hundreds of students flocked to Memorial…

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