The Forbidden Fruit
I know many students who come to college hoping to experience everything that their parents or social mores forbid them from doing at home. One of these forbidden fruits is sexual intercourse. Many students wait all the way through high school because it is “wrong” to have sex until a certain age or because they have heard that college is the time and place for everything. Then, suddenly, once they get to college, they look around and think, “Well, I’m here, does that mean I’m ready now? Where is the person?”
The media hype surrounding sex becomes unbearable when you get to an age where you feel you should be in on the secret, and not in the dark about something that the whole world seems to practically revolve around. Of course, this is a somewhat exaggerated thinking of a frustrated student, but when you focus in on that issue, it is a legitimate cause of concern.
However, rushing into sex is not the way to remedy this situation. If you do, it may go the way of the disappointing first kiss. Most of us remember our first kiss. I know I remember mine. It was in freshman year of high school with a guy I had been going out with several months. The night before we went to a band banquet, we shared the same chair while watching the highlights of the year. It was a moving experience. At the end of the program, we hovered at the door for a moment, but then I ran off.
The next day was Valentine’s Day, and after school was let out, he walked me to the bus station like he does every day. I wanted to kiss him, I knew this was the moment, but I just always imagined that I would kiss him on the cheek first. We sat there side by side, and the tension mounted. He asked if I wanted to kiss him. I said yes, but I wasn’t really sure. I wasn’t sure if I felt appropriate doing this as a freshman. I was sitting on a low bench, and he crouched down in front of me (how tall he was!) and we looked at each other face to face. I remember the biting cold wind blowing between us. We kissed. No tongue, hardly any lip even. I remember our chapped lips didn’t even match up because they were so crinkly.
It was… interestingly meaningless. A momentous barrier had been crossed, but on the other side of the dam, there was no huge lake being held back. I found out it was a false life event. One of those hyped things that only seems to matter if it hasn’t happened. Much like virginity, never having kissed someone is not an important distinction, nor is it an important life achievement once you have. But I think realizing the emptiness of the hype is an important step on the way to maturity. Instead, the significant milestones should be your first good kiss, which I found, many years later, to be dependent on loving who I was with and being completely comfortable doing it. If you have to debate with yourself whether you’re ready, then you’re not ready.
The moral of the story is that rather than putting a big emphasis on having done something or it being your first time doing it, you should instead focus on doing it right. That will mean a lot more in the end. And for issues like sex and romance, being fully comfortable with the situation and being with someone incredibly supportive are the two most important factors for success. Until those two conditions have been met, there’s no need to rush into the process to get to your first great, well, anything.
Article by Suna Wilkerson
Feature Image Source: Dreamstime